Love Thy Neighbor.

I don't know where to begin.

But I have to get something off of my chest...something I have been struggling with for a while now.

We need to stop judging and start loving.

Now, before I look like I'm the pot calling the kettle black (although my pots are robin egg blue -- so I guess I could still call the kettle black and get away with it), I know I'm not perfect. I do not write to point out other's flaws and leave myself out of the situation. It is likely the opposite -- where I have learned an important lesson and in turn feel the need to write about it as to educate us all. I have been found guilty of this in many circumstances in my life. So I want to share the wealth and hopefully prevent someone else from making my own mistakes.

I'm not speaking of this from a strictly religious or Latter Day Saint perspective either, but for this purpose, I want to focus my attention on those of us associated with any Christian faith. I can only speak for my own church's practices but it is a problem I see with in so many "Christians".

We need to stop judging and start loving.

Many a talk over the pulpit have been given about this very topic. We have no right to judge. More importantly, instead of judging someone, we should be making every effort to rally behind them and love them and ensure they have the opportunity to feel love. How do we show love to someone if we don't agree with the choices they make? You serve them. Service does not require that you know their lifestyle, adapt their lifestyle, or even that you approve of it. And frankly, is your approval the person's approval that should mean something? Serving them means that you provide them with care and concern and offer them the same peace and light in your life by providing assistance to them in whatever means that you are able to do. It means you provide encouragement or offer prayers in their behalf. It means that you stop by their home and bring them some nourishment or help them with a chore around the home. It means you take time out of  your busy life to assist them with their busy life. Our hope is that the service comes full circle.

We have lost our sense of neighborly kindness. We are so concerned with appearing to have it all together and that we are so right with God that we forget to do the first and most important commandment of all - to love God with all of your might, mind and strength and to love your neighbor as yourself. I think we should ponder the idea that this commandment was given consecutively. Are they interchangeable? Is loving God with might, mind and soul only achievable  when you truly love your neighbor as yourself? And if you truly love your neighbor as yourself, are you fulfilling the greatest commandment to love God, even if you don't profess a belief in God. I dare say yes.

I have a friend I'll call John. Obviously, not his real name, but John will be his name for this story. John is a brilliantly talented man who attended a church university. He is good looking, funny, charming, intelligent, and very successful. But there was something that John didn't want his friends to know...and something he had struggled with for years. He didn't know if he really believed in God. Even as a missionary, he struggled with it. Now, I can't speak completely for him and his experiences (obviously) but I can speak for what I know of him. After he left the bubble of the church university, he moved to a much more socially liberal city. He was still unmarried, so he attended the singles ward in that area - he had friends - good job...but he was still struggling. He fell into a deep depression and stopped attending church. In my conversations with John, which weren't frequent but were long when they occurred, I realized that what he was missing was true Christian love in his life. He had never really experienced it. God's love is always there, but for a struggling soul, it needs to be tangible. God's love comes through our actions towards others. He had not experienced this from his family or from the members of his ward. When someone chooses to become isolated from the world around them, it is because they are desperately wanting someone to show that they care. I can speak for that from experience. It is selfish, but it is the reality of it. They have grown weak and weary from constantly trying to be something they feel that cannot be and rather than keep fighting, they sink back into the comfort of their imperfect self, accept it, and in turn isolate themselves from anyone that would perceive their imperfections as weakness. John's actions spoke heavily to this situation. He sought counseling from a professional. But something I heard time and time again from John was "no one from church has even bothered to pick up the phone and see if I'm okay." When he did attend church, he was asked to meet with the Bishop. The Bishop showed concern, but again, not one of his so-called friends called or stopped by after that visit. He felt alone, judged, and abandoned. Tangible love is felt when we take time to notice those who have gone missing. It probably means they need our attention more than if they showed up every Sunday.

One of my best friends is a very busy married mom of 2 adorable little girls under the age of 5. She is finishing up her last semester of graduate school and her husband is also in the medical field. Her daughters were asking to be able to go play with their friends so she attended a play date with some women in her local congregation. She told the girls that they couldn't stay for more than a couple of hours because of her busy schedule, and we all know how well it goes when you tell a 2 and 4 year old that it is time to leave their friends. The oldest daughter was of course upset. She was crying because she didn't want to leave. So my friend asked one of the moms who lived down the street from them if she could maybe take her oldest daughter home with them when they left so she could stay a little longer. "Well, I would have to put the seat back up in the SUV and I don't know if we have room for her because of the strollers". None of the other moms blinked an eye or offered to help either. It was freezing cold outside. Hurt and a bit upset, she told her oldest daughter to wait inside while she went and put the little one in the car. The oldest daughter stood at the door and cried while her mom went and put her little sister in the car. When my friend turned around, her oldest was standing outside on the porch, with the door shut behind her. One of the mom's had pushed her out into the cold and shut the door! They didn't even say anything...just shut the little crying girl out in the cold.  These women are supposed to be the support system of Christian women that my friend is supposed to depend on!? I was outraged.

And my own story -- I think the only reason I have survived as long as I have is because of the tangible concern and love I feel from others...Christians and non-Christians alike. If I missed a couple of Sundays in Rexburg, you better believe there was someone knocking on my door checking in to make sure I am okay....even if it was the Bishop himself. I never felt it was from a judgmental place either. It was genuine concern for my well being. I tried to do the same. Moving home has been an adjustment. It's been harder than I thought and I have had to still battle my demons of anxiety and depression only now I don't have the comfort of a small town to hide them in. Yet, despite 5 weeks of not going to church, the only contact I have gotten was a member of the Primary presidency who wanted to know how she could help me with my calling, because I was letting the kids down by not being there. She was well intentioned -- and I spent an hour on the phone with her explaining my struggles. She asked how she could help. The only thing I knew to ask her to do was that maybe she could call me on Saturday and remind me that I'm valuable.  Maybe that was a missing piece in the puzzle. (It sounds silly but it is a concept I struggle with.) She did call that next Saturday. I missed her call...and I didn't go to church the next day. I haven't heard from her since. We haven't had so much as a call from anyone claiming to be our visiting or home teachers either. Nor have we had anyone in general try to contact us to check in. But something funny happens when Ryan or I do show up for church...suddenly then everyone is concerned as to why you haven't been there. So now I've been avoiding it because of the mere energy it will likely take for me to come up with a generic answer to explain where I've been.

I know I've focused on negative stories, and there are encouraging stories of service amongst Christians out there to be told but I honestly don't believe that non-religious folk would be so inclined to push back against Christians if the good outweighed the bad. The tough reality of the situation is that I hear more of the stories like the ones I've shared. As someone who has suffered from depression most of my adult life, I acknowledge that I am just as guilty and that inadequacy of selflessness sometimes overwhelms me.

How many people would come to church to hear the great message of the gospel if we spent more time loving and less time judging? How many people would be willing to hear the gospel message if we spend more time concerned with just being a friend and less time concerned with the choices someone is making in their lives? How many more would be willing to make the sacrifices to be a community if they really understood the first and great commandment? This is a real problem among us as Christians. We are quick to stick so whole heartedly to the letter of the law and demand it of everyone we associate ourselves with that we completely miss the spirit of it...which is that God dwells within each of us and his tangible love can be felt when we act out on behalf of the sake of love and acceptance and empathy to all. It means that we don't pick and choose who we serve and who we show love to. It means that we try to remember that we cannot possibly know what it is like to walk in another's shoes. When we take a moment to check in on our actual neighbors, and when we take a moment to text or call or stop by a friend's home that we haven't heard from in a while. Those things can mean all the difference.

Michael Jackson and Dr. Martin Luther King

A great song -- Black or White. Or in this case, Black or White/Mexican? Or is it just Black or Mexican? I have honestly never cared about the color of someone's skin. I have dated men of all races actually...with the exception of an Asian man. I never could find one that made me ooh and ahh. But black, white, latino, whatever....all of them are beautiful. What is not beautiful is when a particular race has a faction of people who believe that their race defines them as individuals. If you remove the skin...we are all the same. We are all God's children, above everything else.

The Trayvon Martin case has bothered me. A lot actually. Because the Black community seems to be rallying behind a story that is a fairy tale. Trayvon was not an innocent kid who was just walking by and a Mexican/White man said, "Look! Let me shoot that black kid for no reason!". The pictures of him that were blasted on the news were pictures of him much younger than he was when the crime took place. He was a juvenile delinquent who had been suspended from school, was prone to violence, and fit the stereotypical hood kid. Why is ANY community supporting this kind of behavior? I wouldn't support a kid that was shot if he was white, and shot by a black man if he was doing the same things Trayvon was doing at the time when he was shot. That is what frustrated me most. And to call it a hate crime? Or a civil rights case? It bothers me. I personally feel, as a white woman, that there is a faction of the black community who think that they should not be discriminated against or judged by the color of their skin -- but then have a whole weekend celebration to celebrate being different or being black. I appreciate celebrating your heritage, or your family. I also know that for a LONG time, unfortunately, that people were treated poorly based on the color of their skin. It is unacceptable. But civil rights laws were passed 60 years ago. So which one should be, as a white community, pay attention to? Should we treat you like everyone else and not care that you are black? Or should you receive special treatment because you are black? I'm just your average white girl...born and raised in midwestern suburbia but I was raised around a lot of different cultures and races. I don't have a "racist" bone in my body until someone reminds me that I'm white and they are black and that they should be recognized and treated differently because of it. It is frustrating and heartbreaking. I know hate crimes still occur. There are still some really ridiculous people who judge you just by looking at the color of your skin...however, I believe it is safe to say that racism occurs commonly between all races, not just from white folks onto other races. So why are we making such a big deal out of this case?

 I think we are making a big deal out of it because the media told us too. They jumped on it, twisted it, and created it to be the story it is. We had plenty of political scandal happening to try and dig into...but the news is no longer about information...it is about ratings and getting the best story. I enjoyed this video...not all of it I completely agree with but it sums up much of what I have felt about the situation.

To be or not to be....a college graduate.

Now, before you assume what my answer is to this question -- let me allow you in to the fact that I really haven't the slightest idea. I'm writing this mainly to help my brain maybe have a surge of enlightenment.

A college education is considered "important" in modern day society and most well paid jobs are rare without one. I understand this. If you want to be a doctor, lawyer, engineer, or even have a slightly better salary at whatever job you choose, a college degree will get you there.

If you know me well, then you probably know one of my (I feel) largest flaws is my fickle nature. I change my mind. I do that because I have a hard time sticking with a decision. Maybe I am a "grass is greener" girl? I don't doubt it a little. My experience with how I found the LDS church could actually show a bit of my nature. I was seeking a final answer on religion. What is THE church that Christ looks at says, "That is my Church and it is led by people that I speak to". So maybe I'm an absolutist (is that a word? If not, it is now!) I want to know the answers to questions. The right answers. I like to know things. I'm sure my childhood friends can attest to the fact that I've always been a bit of a know-it-all. It is a blessing and curse, I assure you.

But with life in general, there are very little solid, right and true answers. Although, God does provide us with absolutes, but if you don't believe in God...where do you get your choices? There are so many choices. And those choices all have consequences, whether good or bad. At the end of the day, I think I would rather have someone tell me what the right answer is, instead of guessing and hoping that it doesn't flop. That's where the college education comes in. Am I spending thousands of dollars of mine (and other's) money for nothing? Do I really need the piece of paper? I only have a year or year and a half left of school, so I know it would be really dumb to stop now, but on the same token, would it really be that dumb? Won't college always be there if I need it to be? Am I not credible without it?

I've always been one to take my own path, and that path has taken me some interesting places. As things naturally take their course, aren't we supposed to do what makes us the healthiest and happiest? I like to be in charge. I like to take care of people. I like to be needed but not depended on. The older I get the more I realize I have more to learn. I don't know it all, but I do depend on God's inspiration and instruction on where to find the right answers.

So, I know the piece of paper for me is more about finishing something that I started. But the question still remains...is being a college graduate essential in our society for success? According to an article in the NY times:

"Last year, 33.5 percent of Americans ages 25 to 29 had at least a bachelor’s degree, compared with 24.7 percent in 1995, according to the National Center for Education Statistics. In 1975, the share was 21.9 percent. The number of two-year college degrees, master’s degrees and doctorates has also risen recently." 

That still leaves well over the majority of American's without one. In an article by Huff Post, it gives us a list of 11 successful people who never graduate college. You might find some of these interesting. 

1. Rachael Ray
2. John D. Rockefeller
3. Simon Cowell
4. Abraham Lincoln
5. Julie Andrews
6. Michael J. Fox
7. Sean Connery
8. Wolfgang Puck
9. Walt Disney
10. Dave Thomas
11. Halle Berry

Sidenote: Here are a couple of other major ones - Bill Gates and Steve Jobs

I don't really count anyone in show business as someone who gets big props for never going to college...and the list of actors and musicians who dropped out of college are long. So, in my case, maybe I didn't need college and my money might have been better spent on a really good private teacher. You don't need a college degree to be famous. The people on this list who aren't professional actors or singers are above and beyond in their fields. Bill Gates didn't graduate from college, but I bet most of the people who work for him did. True leaders, like Lincoln and Disney, are born that way. But for those who want to enter the workforce in a traditional environment, the college experience is ideal. My experience at a large state university proved to be a lot of late nights and not a whole lot of actual studying. It was more about being away from home and less about learning and growing. However, my second go at college has proved much different. I was also much older. It has been about truly learning...and learning how to overcome obstacles more than anything. Online universities and opportunities for adults to go to school while they are working full time have allowed more to obtain higher education.

So the question...to be or not to be a college graduate? My answer: Be one. 

Unless you're really really really smart and inventive or exceptionally talented and driven. In that case...you probably don't need one. 

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

I was physically nauseous this morning reading posts from various friends about their opinions on Obamacare being passed. Is it just me, or do things seem to be getting more and more ridiculous? Everyone seems to have an opinion. Well, I guess here's mine!

I was raised in the Statehouse of Indiana around politicians. I'm the daughter of a retired law enforcement Lieutenant. The government and it's actions have always had a direct effect on my family. My mother was a republican and my father has mostly swayed democrat. This doesn't make me smarter than the next guy. All it means is that somehow, politics seeped into my blood. Politicians are supposed to stand for the people they represent. I am starting to get the feeling that's not the case these days!

Also, let me express the fact that my first goal in life is to try and be fair and just. I don't judge or dislike anyone based on their religion, race, sexuality, handicap etc. I think many of my friends can back me up on this. I'm a fairly tolerant person.

But enough is enough, people. Obamacare isn't even the issue. The fact that the intention behind Obamacare means "better" or "more" healthcare for the poor also isn't the issue.
But if we're going to talk about Obamacare...let's talk about it. Providing free healthcare should not be the government's job. It should also not be the government's job to feed you, shelter you and clothe you. What is fair for the government to do is assist Americans with the tools they need to be successful. Funding things that help people grow - like education costs or funding non-profits that assist the needy. I know! Why don't we mandate that everyone has to get a college degree or at least a Diploma and the government has to pay for that. If you don't get a HS diploma than your parents will be taxed. If you don't get a college degree then you will be taxed! You don't like that idea? Well, it's just about as ridiculous as mandating that everyone has to have insurance or be penalized for it. It takes away an element of personal freedom. The issue is freedom and it's place in our society. 


Freedom doesn't mean you should be able to "do whatever you want".  It also definitely does not mean if you're poor the government has an obligation to help you. It means you have a CHOICE to decide what you want to do with your life. It doesn't mean your choice is free from consequence, whether positive or negative. 

I grew up poor. I grew up in a single parent home with a father who, luckily, always paid child support and a mother who fought between trying to take care of me and take care of herself. We went without hot water sometimes. We ate ham and pickles for dinner a time or two. We spent a few years living in a really crappy neighborhood. My neighbors across the street were drug dealers. We even had food stamps some times. But my mom wasn't raised poor...in fact, she was raised the opposite. And as no reflection on the love I have for either my parents or their parents, my mom chose to be irresponsible with her money. Those choices meant we sometimes went without essentials. She was a smart, capable woman. She caught a tough break and the choices she made after that led to some crappy consequences. I was still loved and care for...which is why I feel like I'm a fairly adjusted person, but I struggle with balancing a budget for myself sometimes. Why? I could assume it is because I never really learned how to live within my means when I was a child. Even when we were poor and I went without, I don't really remember being told no very often.  I also lived as a teenager in the era where pagers (remember those!?), cell phones and the internet were just getting their edge. Entitlement became more and more a part of my generation. We are all a product of the choices we make and the way we are taught.

However, as a nation, we are the product of the choices our leaders make. We must not take this so lightly. We shouldn't like a President because he's cool, or because he's bi-racial, or because he supports gay marriage or because he's atheist, Christian, Buddhist, or a Texan. We shouldn't dislike a President for the same reasons.

At the end of the day, we need to look out for each other and be better neighbors. We need to be financially responsible OURSELVES. If we are ill, then we need to find a way to get better. Medicine is not the end all, say all of our health. Heck, a good dose of better sleep, healthy food, exercise and lots of water can remedy a lot! If the government really wants to help, then wouldn't it be smarter to invest money in people who want to fulfill their own pursuits of life and liberty by giving more grants and funding to mental health facilities, the arts, real food incentives and non-profit organizations? Why in the world would it be a good idea to make it mandatory for everyone to have health insurance? It only means that someone else has to pay for someone who can't afford it. Our children think they are entitled to everything before they hit puberty. How does this help? Americans think they are entitled to everything before they've worked hard to get it. Why is that? Because our leaders have allowed us to think that we are all entitled to the "American Dream" without having to really work for it.

As a Christian, I believe we are all created in the image of God and have the ability to love and be kind because of that. I also believe we are a fallen, mortal creature who has tendencies opposite to the ideal image of God and perfection. So, even as children of God, men are not born equal. And if you don't believe in God, then you probably would think this already. We all have strengths and weaknesses. We all have challenges. Some of us are born Mozarts, Einsteins and Edisons. Most of us aren't! Some of us are taught to be angry, some of us are abused. We are the victims of other's freedoms until we are old enough to say or think differently. Someone has to be the janitor and someone has to be the CEO. We keep trying to make everyone "equal". I agree, we should be fair to everyone who is human and we should have the same rights as everyone else because we are human. But when did we start to blur the line with having rights and just having? We need less Veruca Salts and more Charlie Buckets in this world.

I digress....I could go on forever.

(Don't even get me started on how the government officially declared pizza and ketchup as VEGETABLES so they could be considered healthy lunches for kids in public schools.)

Let the discussion commence.

Peace.

I have felt very restless lately, very unsettled, very confused.

Here are some things I needed to hear:

Like those who were alive at the time of His mortal ministry, there are some among us who look for physical peace and prosperity as signs of the Savior’s wondrous power. We sometimes fail to understand that the everlasting peace Jesus promises is an inner peace, born in faith, anchored by testimony, nurtured with love, and expressed through continual obedience and repentance. It is a peace of spirit that echoes through the heart and the soul. If one truly knows and experiences this inner peace, there is no fear from worldly disharmony or discord. One knows deep down inside that all is well as far as the things that really matter are concerned. - M. Russell Ballard

Peace—real peace, whole-souled to the very core of your being—comes only in and through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. When that precious truth is discovered and gospel principles are understood and applied, great peace can distill in the hearts and souls of our Heavenly Father’s children. Said the Savior through Joseph Smith, “He who doeth the works of righteousness shall receive his reward, even peace in this world, and eternal life in the world to come” (D&C 59:23).

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace;

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

To be consoled as to console;

To be understood as to understand;

To be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

• • 
  “Agree with thine adversary” (Matt. 5:25).
• • 
  “Love your enemies” (Matt. 5:44).
• • 
  “Judge not” (Matt. 7:1).
• • 
  “Love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matt. 22:39).
• • 
  “Condemn not” (Luke 6:37).
• • 
  “Forgive” (Luke 6:37).
• • 
  “Love one another” (John 13:34).

True personal peace comes about through eternal vigilance and constant righteous efforts. No man can be at peace who is untrue to his better self. No man can have lasting peace who is living a lie. Peace can never come to the transgressor of the law. Commitment to God’s laws is the basis forpeace. Peace is something we earn. It is not a gift. Rather, it is a possession earned by those who love God and work to achieve the blessings of peace. It is not a written document. It is something that must come from within.

 “Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but a triumph of principles.” (“Self-Reliance,” in Ralph Waldo Emerson: Essays and Lectures, New York: The Library of America, 1983, p. 282.)

True peace must not be dependent upon conditions or happenings. Peacemust stem from an inward contentment built upon trust, faith, and goodwill toward God, fellowmen, and self. It must be constantly nurtured by the individual who is soundly anchored to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Only then can a person realize that the trials and tribulations of daily life are less important than God’s total goodness.

Lasting peace is an eternal personal quest. Peace does come from obedience to the law. Peace comes to those who develop character and trust.

No peace will be lasting unless it is built upon the solid foundation of eternal principles such as love of God, love of neighbor, and love of self. Those who love their neighbors can bring peace and happiness to many. Love can build bridges to understanding and tear down walls of suspicion and hate. Christlike love can bring peace into any neighborhood. With that kind of love each of us can help resolve petty differences, be they in the home or community.

When we properly blend into our lives true principles of love, honesty, respect, character, faith, and patience, peace will become our priceless possession. Peace is a triumph of correct principles.

Edna St. Vincent Millay said: “There is no peace on earth today, save the peace in the heart at home with God. … No man can be at peace with his neighbor who is not atpeace with himself. …” (“Conversations at Midnight,” Collected Poems,Harper & Row, Copyright 1937 and 1964.)

A key to peace, then, is service. Christ said: “But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant.” 

(Matt. 23:11.)

The Lord has said: “For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” (Moses 1:39.)

If each person would have peace within his soul, then there would bepeace in the family. If there is peace in each family, then there is peace in the nation. If there is peace in the nations, there is peace in the world.