Yes...it's 4:35am.

Sleep just hasn't been a part of my life lately. I'm sure it still has something to do with the fact that I sleep on an air mattress and have lots going down in my spinny little head. So, please humor me. If I make a spelling or grammar error -- deal. :)

I moved to Logan, UT about three weeks ago while I'm off track. I come down here to visit all the time anyways. I'm crashing with some friends who are practically family and working.

Things haven't gone as I expected per se...but then again, when do things really go the way I expect them to?! HA! Never. Anywho...I do love Logan. It's a great town. I also dig the weather right now. No humidity, it hardly ever rains, and it's sunny and warm.

So, hear me out. A few months ago I turned 25 right? Yep. I did. I feel as if I've come to the conclusion that I might be suffering through a quarter life crisis. I don't like the fact that I'm getting older...and moreso that I feel like I'm behind somehow. I have no husband, no kids, no degree...but does that define success in our lives? What defines if we're "where we are supposed to be"? I do have a lot of experiences and mistakes to contribute. Ha. But you know how in kindergarden they determine whether or not you're "where you're supposed to be" before they advance you on to first grade -- well, what is it for 25? And if I'm not there yet, can I stay 25 until I meet the requirments?

I know I'm probably looking at this all wrong but what can I say? It's just how I feel. I'm trying to figure out where my life is going...and getting older isn't fairing well with me at the moment. I'm trying to embrace life and blah blah blah and some days are better than others. I have no reason to complain about my life. I'm not living on the streets and I have food to eat. I'm extremely blessed with great people in my life and have been given all the talents a girl could ask for....but I feel like something is missing. I feel like I'm not being what I was brought here to be. I've been trying to figure this stuff out for a while now (in case you didn't already gather that).

Tonight I was making dinner for myself, home alone, listening to Jazz music and I was perfectly content. Right now I'm awake, exhausted, itchy (don't know why...random) and frustrated because I can't sleep. I hate this air mattress. It's not comfortable at all...and my fan makes noise and keeps me awake. I like the normal low hummmmmm of a fan, but this is a ceiling fan...and it's loose a little bit...and it makes obnoxious noises! LOL.

So perhaps I'm done complaining. :) Sorry you have to listen to me rant about such retarded things.