It seems that no matter what I do, it's never right. I am so hurt, confused, frustrated, lonely and have to pretty much force myself to be happy every day right now. No one likes a depressed girl I'm sure....and It's not one of those "can't get out of bed" depressed....just a genuine sense of sadness. I feel like everything good relationship in my life gets jeopardized in some how...some way. As I look back at my past relationships, friendships, along with the current ones....I can only see the fact that they all eventually become less important in some way, shape or form...and rarely is it on my end. Am I a bad person? A bad friend? Is there something "non committal" about me? Perhaps I move too much, or change my hairstyle a lot, but does that mean that I'm uncapable of having a long term, committed relationship or friendship without royally screwing something up? I say what I think, how I feel and why I'm feeling that way at a particular moment in time. The rest is up to you to decide on how you want to take it. I just want my life to be exciting and happy....and exciting and happy for everyone around me. However, somehow I always manage to lose the ones who are most important to me....whether it be in a great or small manner. I don't know if I'm capable of handling things that this life has to offer me. I'm tired of the drama and tired of the disappointments. I'm tired..............just simply tired. I'm tired of dealing with the losses and never have a gain to equal out the loss. I just feel hopeless that anything good will ever happen. Of course, there is glimpes of happy times....like dancing the night away on the dance floor or laughing so hard it hurts....but at the end of the day, I feel like I'll always be pushed aside. Forgotten. Second best. Thought of later. Disregarded.
I wish I was on the beach alone.
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