Preparing and Transforming...

My head isn't exactly clear at the moment but I haven't posted in so long...which is really not like me...so I wanted to take some time to update you (and myself) on thoughts and feelings about life as I know it right now.

I'm forewarning the this post might be lengthy...and wordy....and because of this, I'll give you an aid to help you skim better.

Topics:

1. Work
2. Life
3. Church
4. School
5. Diet


1. Work

So let's talk about how miserable I am at my job....I'm SO over it. When your boss puts you in a position to be taken advantage of and disrespects you, it has a tendency to bleed onto the rest of your staff. I am never able to actually do my job the way I want or need to in order to see any kind of progress or success. I can't wait to leave. Even though I'm leaving in four months, I'm keeping my options open for the possibility of a new job before I go. I am fortunate that I have members of the staff who do their job, but all in all, it's my boss who makes things so unbearable. I'm just pushing through and trying my best to keep "plugging along", as my dad would say. I try really hard to have a positive attitude, but sometimes it gets hard when you feel like a doormat.

2. Although work blows, life is actually coming along alright. I'm getting caught up on bills and finally moved into my new house for my last few months here in Indiana. I've still been spending lots of time with you-know-who and having a blast. If I think about the situation too much, I get frustrated, so I'm not thinking about it and just enjoying life as it comes to me! There is so much beauty in the world and fun to be had....and my faith is strong that all will work out as it should.


3. I was FINALLY released of the longest calling I've ever had of choir director, in addition to being released as the Family Home Evening Chair and have been called as a Ward Missionary. I'm am really, really excited about my calling. I get to go to gospel principles, which is my favorite class, and I am able to see all of the great things going on to bring people closer to the church and the Lord. I have a strong testimony that this Gospel can transform your life. It can make you strive and reach for things you never thought possible. Why settle for good or better when you can have the best?! So I've been really excited to be serving in this capacity. I'm really trying to make an effort to be a great missionary and I know that Satan is testing me by keeping me busier than normal....


4. Fourth months to go and I'll be out at school. There are so many thoughts and emotions involved in it that I'm not even sure I can put it into words. Indiana is my home and I will miss it. There are so many things and people here....and more than that, it's all I know. But I'm ready to explore and reach my potential. I know that BYUI will give me what I need to get to where I want to go. I have a very clear vision of my goals for the first time in my life, and it's a great feeling. It's just having the faith and patience to get there!!

5. My diet has been slowly but surely still coming along. The last three weeks have been really really stressful and I haven't been eating normally, or exercising as much as I would like, but I am still noticing little changes here and there. Again, I have a clear picture of my end goal and I would really like to get there by the end of the year. I know that it's attainable...I just have to keep working hard and really make it a priority.


........So that helped me, I don't know about you! lol.

Be happy. Be healthy.

April......Showers?

Wedding season is in FULL swing and I find myself surrounded by discussions revolving around dresses, dates, shower after shower, up dos, tiaras, and all things girly and romantic.

I am not anti-weddings in the LEAST bit....in fact, I considered becoming a wedding planner at one point in time. I love planning parties and events....especially weddings because there is a formula that always seems to fit the occasion. Bride+Groom+Family and friends= Wedding....Flowers+Cake+Good Food+Decor+Great Music+Lots of people+location=Wedding Reception. It's a simple put together.

With this season upon us, I find myself thinking the thought "Well if it was MY wedding, I'd want this..." I have found myself changing a bit on my views when it comes to my wedding. I used to want what most brides want....a big, fancy shindig. Yes, I do want a big party to celebrate....but I am starting to find myself less conventional about how my wedding will go down. Mostly, in part, due to my own circumstances. Myself and my future husband being LDS and my family being non-LDS can complicate things a bit. Of course, the first requirement to any bride is a groom. Until I have one of those, I'll just keep thinking....and try my best to avoid planning my wedding in my head before I even have a fella to wed. I think by the time that day comes, I'll just be grateful to HAVE a wedding of my own!!! haha. But I must admit, the whole idea of marriage is so incredible if it's done right...and if it's done wrong...well then, it's nothing more than an incredible disaster.

Again, the idea of relationships and how they work simply fascinate me. A friend of mine made a valid comment and this is what I believe is the key to any fantastic marriage.....you have to be attracted to each other. Although you will respect the other person while you're dating and wouldn't dare cross that line (again, if you're LDS this is the standard), I think having that passion there is key. That's where the line gets crossed between friends and lovers. That is why I stress the idea of aesthetic equity amongst people you date. You must marry someone that is your equal on most levels. If you're equals, and then understand your gender roles and play those parts, the rest should fall into place. Obviously, common goals and interests will take you far as well. But that first thing...that passion...that has to be there. Now, with that said....passion should definitely not be the ONLY thing there. If your relationship is based solely or mainly on your attraction to one another, I fear the reality of life will one day set in. If you stay married, one must realize that one day, the skin will wrinkle, and we most all become a bit baggier versions of our youthful selves. Granted, once I've reached my goal of becoming fit, I intend to stay that way....but that is a life long quest. No one expects to age....it just simply happens. Finding a partner that accepts you and loves you at your worst....through all stages of life....that is what makes it beautiful in the end. Pure, unconditional love.

So to all you newly wedded couples out there...I wish you well. I wish you happiness. I wish you longevity. I wish you love.

I'm such a good wife....

All that is true except the reality that I'm not a wife! lol. You better believe that I'm going to make some man REAL happy someday though. He will be well fed....and it won't even be junk food! Not to mention, I can make a man weak in his knees.....well, we'll just say that's what I've been told. LOL!!!!!

I can't even tell you how dramatic my job has been lately. I could write a book, yet at this moment I'm choosing to plead the fifth because it's almost too much! I'll put it this way....I've now changed my prayers to Heavenly Father from "Please help today to be a good day" to "Please give me the strength to deal with all of the drama and maintain a positive attitude at work". One day soon I'll take some time to fill you in....if you haven't already seen it on the news.

So I've been on Phase I of the south beach diet this week...I'm going into day five tomorrow. I am actually really surprised that I haven't eaten a SINGLE OUNCE of bread, pasta, potatoes, carrots, corn, or sugar......I have no idea if it's actually working...but I'll let you know. For more detailed information about the diet, see my diet blog (Link on side of page).

So I've been extra bored lately. I remember the good ol days when I always had something to do...I even had too MUCH to do sometimes! I've really had to dig down deep to find that satisfaction of spending a LOT of time with myself and no one else. It hasn't been the most fun I've ever had. Honestly, it just gives me too much time to think and analyze everything about life. I am pretty happy with myself, so hanging out with myself isn't a terrible...but it's when you start talking to yourself that the problems arise.

Something I've realized is that being "independent" doesn't necessarily mean being alone. You can be an independent thinker and do what makes you happy. And I'm not doing enough of what makes me happy. The only problem with that is often, being with other people is what makes me happiest. Hmmm.....I guess I'll have to ponder that one too.

I've learned a valuable lesson......sun dried tomatoes and crabmeat don't really mesh. The flavors are most definitely not complementary to one another. Tolerable, yes. Desirable? No.

Live, Love and Laugh people. I came up with a pretty decent quote today...and that is this...

Life is what you make it. So make it grand, make it beautiful, and make it count.



Aint it good to be a gangsta? I think so.

Debby Downer

Sometimes I just feel like I'm driving aimlessly down an open road. I know I'm not...but today is just a blah day. I miss my friend. I miss talking and laughing. I haven't laughed very much the past few days. I'm just questioning my decisions. I'm wondering if I made a mistake. I am discouraged.

Mass Avenue Adventures...

Today I took a walk with my "fabulous" friend Eric down to Mass Ave to check out some art galleries and boutique shops. I fell in love. First thing first, I cannot WAIT to have a kitchen stocked full of incredible, beautiful cookbooks. I've decided that my dream kitchen consists of a floor to ceiling built in bookshelf for all of my cookbooks. Anyone who is ever looking for a gift idea...buy me a cookbook about anything healthy (or creative cooking). There was one boutique shop that I could have spent all night in...and I could have purchased just about everything I saw.
There was a great clothing boutique that really motivated me to keep working out and go back to college so I can be rich and afford those beautiful clothes. My body and budget are two giant obstacles in my quest to surround myself with beauty. To me, that is one of the greatest things about life. There is so much beauty. This flower, for instance, is a miracle. Gerber daisies are my most favorite flowers. They are vibrant and all around lovely. When I have a home and family of my own, I want a bouquet of fresh gerber daisies to grace a part of my home. Perhaps a bathroom, maybe a den or guest room. But there will always be fresh flowers to look at and smell. There is just something about them that make me smile.
My goals for life are simple. Be pure, be clean, be beautiful and be happy. By being those things, I can bless others by teaching them the same principles. There is so much beauty in this world. I feel a more in tune with the Lord because he is an artist and creates beautiful things. I think Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are both left handed. I've decided. They are too creative to be right handed!!!
The next few weeks, or even months, or going to be interesting. I am, by nature, a very extroverted person; however, I feel that I might become a bit more introverted as I focus on getting myself out to school. Being an introvert is definitely cheaper. HA! Most of my closest friends are all married or getting ready to be married, or having their first child. Those things take time and definitely rank higher on the priority list than little ol' me. I am so happy for all of them. I have a LOT of gifts to buy this year......and am excited to think about being a part of their lives as their children grow. I don't think about it often, but I think about in 20 years from now when everyone's kids are grown. What will life be like then?! I can only imagine it to be just as beautiful and amazing as it is right now. Some of my friends will be sending their sons on missions in 20 years. Isn't that crazy!? Okay, okay, I'll stop rushing the future. It's best to take life a day at a time.

Things aren't exactly how I want them to be right now....but they are just as they are. I can only make the best with what I have and do my best to make the most of every day. I am not always good at that, but I do try. I am missing someone a lot right now....and this situation is one that will continue to push me to be the woman I know I am. That is my greatest struggle...to be the person I am in my head. To make my dreams a reality. My mom always told me to dream big and to never let anything get in the way of that....well here I go.