Puttin it all out on the table.

Two blogs in one week!?!?! But writing has always been an outlet for me, and I had been neglecting it. And well, frankly, I missed it. :)

Let me begin this by saying that I am not writing this in hopes for anyone's pity. I just think it's important to get the story out there.


Coming to a place where no one knows you is strange. No one knows what I've been through. No one knows what kind of family I have. No one knows my talents or abilities. Basically, no one knows. To some, this could be a great thing...it's a chance for them to start over and to be honest, I kind of thought that it would be great that no one knew the challenges I have faced in my life. Here's what I've learned....I am who I am because of where I've come from and what I've been through. And to an extent, I'm different because of those things. I don't want to be anyone else.

None of my roommates have experienced the death of anyone in their immediate families. I have experienced a great deal. All of them live at home when they are off track and their parents support them. I do not and do not to either of those.

I was sitting in my Bishop's office today discussing my finances. Now, I'm not making excuses for my mistakes but I am saying that I've come from a situation that isn't ideal. I love my parents, and my family...but I do not come from a family that takes you back in the nest after you've left it. They support you and talk you through it, but re-nesting isn't really an option. All in all, you gotta work with what you have in front of you and utilize your options. I'm grateful that I don't have a family that would take me back in at the drop of a hat...because once I overcome the struggles, I know that I did it without relying on someone to take me by the hand and spoon feed me through the process. I, then, am able to help others because I have experienced it firsthand. I know it would be easier, but easy isn't something that I have ever known, and frankly, I don't know if I ever will.

Looking back on my life, I have realized just how lucky I am. I have realized how immensely blessed I am to be right where I'm at. I am sitting in a nice apartment, with clothes on my back, food in my stomach, surrounded by pictures of people who love me, attending (in my opinion) one of the most amazing universities in the country pursuing my dream. Sure, my circumstances aren't perfect. I'm flat broke, have no job, and am staring a substantial amount of debt in the face. But if I can overcome that obstacle, and I assure you I will, I really do believe I have truly overcome my circumstances. I could easily be a single mother, or in jail, or addicted to drugs or alcohol or having sex with random people as instant gratification. Lastly, I could be dead. I have dealt with almost all of the major life changing and/or traumatic events you could throw at a kid. I am a child of divorce, grew up in a single parent home, grew up in poverty, dealt with death of a parent, three grandparents, an uncle and for 11 years almost an entire side of my family were out of my life -- all before the age of 18. I'm not going to say I handled it perfectly...I lashed out, ran away from home, attempted suicide, partied, looked to physical gratification from guys to make me feel good about myself, cut class, was diagnosed with a mental illness, lived on my own, have moved 27 times, have had over 10 jobs...and all in 24 years.....and here I am still standing. Not only am I standing, I don't drink, smoke, swear, practice premarital sex, I go to college, I stand for good, and most importantly, I survived. And the best part, I'm happy. I laugh. I stand for something, and not just anything, I stand for something incredible. I have the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I have purpose and meaning in my life. For all the hardships, God gave me talents and abilities and laughter in my life to compensate. There is a fantastic talk given by the late apostle, Joseph B. Wirthlin titled "Come What May and Love It". I am reminded of this talk because in it he promises us that for every loss, we will receive something in its place. For every tear, we will be compensated ten fold with joy. I am finally starting to see this. I am finally starting to gain a testimony of this. Without these struggles, I wouldn't be me. Back home, people know my story. And I think I'm okay to say that people are drawn to me because of the stories I have and the experiences I've gained. I can honestly say I wouldn't trade it for the world. I would want any other life than the one I've been given.

My story is a story of progress. My story is about overcoming the statistics and rising above the hardships. I'm in the middle of climbing over my last mountain of mistakes from my youth...and that is staring thousands of dollars of debt in the face. But I assure you this, through the Gospel and with the Lord by my side, I will overcome that too.

One day we will all stand before our maker. One day we will all be held accountable for our lives. And there is one thing I never want to hear...."why didn't you ever tell me?" I am telling you now. There is a God. He lives. He has a son, even Jesus Christ. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is the ONLY way we can fully overcome our weaknesses, be lightened of our burdens and overcome life's disappointments. He loves us enough that He lets us choose. He loves us enough to give us exactly what we want. Many people don't think God can love us and then let bad things happen to us. Living is what causes the bad. Not God. He gave us the most precious gift of all, other than his son and that is the gift of free agency. We don't HAVE to do anything. But there is consequences to everything....good and/or bad. There must be opposition in all things. Jesus Christ has a church on this earth and we are in the last dispensation of the fullness of times. Now is the time to prepare for the Savior's return. He is coming. The signs are all around us. I wish my family understood more about the Gospel and were more open to it, but I have faith that they will someday, whether it be in this life or the next. I know that God's kingdom is here on Earth. There is a prophet who leads and guides Christ's church under His very direction. That prophet today is Thomas S. Monson. Through the restoration of the Gospel to its full and complete state, we have the Preisthood authority restored to the earth as from the times when Christ was on the earth. The Bible and the Book of Mormon are the words of God, written through his prophets. I testify that I know these things are true. I have prayed and asked God myself. I have received powerful witnesses from the Holy Ghost of the truthfulness of these things. It is only through and by these things can miracles like my life, happen. I know some of you may not understand or agree with me, but I assure you, it is true. Me telling you will never be enough, but I promise you that if you seek out to know of these things, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you and you will know it for yourself. I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.