No, this is not a "feel sorry for me because I don't have anyone" blog. It's a "I just want to complain for a few minutes about that fact that I don't have a boyfriend" blog.
Have I mentioned that I miss having someone lately? It's a bit of a theme I fear. It seems that everyone around me has someone......or a few people....but me? Nope. I stand alone in a crowd. I can't lie and say that I'm not lonely, because truth be told, I am ever increasingly lonlier. I know, I know...."you'll find someone someday, Courtney". It's what they all say. It's what I say. But honestly, I don't care about finding "the one" right now. I just miss having someone to kiss, hold their hand, put my hand on their leg and to have someone put their arm around me, hold me or cuddle with me. I'm beginning to wonder if there really is something wrong with me. I don't think I've ever had a boyfriend for Valentine's Day. I think I may just accept the fact that I will always be the one who is happy for my friends, instead of happy for myself. I look around and it seems so easy for everyone else....but it's just so hard for me. After years of rejection and "best friends" I think I've built up a pretty hardcore wall and don't know if I'm capable of letting someone in for real. I honestly don't know anymore. I've heard many say that "life without love isn't life at all". I ponder this phrase quite a bit sometimes. I've seen and experienced love and understand how it can take hold of us and quite possibly can cause the most joy or most pain we are capable of experiencing. So what then happens to us who live their lives without great love? Do we force ourselves to be happy? Do we live less fulfilling lives because we don't have love? Although I know my life would be different if I sacrificed my morals and standards....because I have chosen to date only those who share my morals and beliefs. I just don't know what to think or feel about love anymore. I think I may have forgotten what it's like. I just wish I had someone to remind me.
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1 comment:
I love you so much that if I was in charge of naming all the paints in the world, I'd include your name in every one of them. Like, Kiss Me Courtney Pink, or Barf on Courtney Green, or even I See Jesus, Courtney! White. That's true love.
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