I think I have officially become bitter. Down. Right. Bitter.
Men are shallow assholes is pretty much where I am at right now with life. I apologize for the language but that is pretty much how I feel right now. Im sorry if you feel that you are a man who is not a shallow asshole. I say "Prove It" to you. Prove to me that wit, intelligence, talents and kindness mean more than a cute body. I am working my ass off to lose weight just so I hopefully wont be dismissed and might actually get someones attention. To top it off, it seems that my closest friends are the ones who are hooking up with the guys I'm interested in. I know that me complaining isnt the most attractive quality but with this being the week of Valentines Day and everyone around me cuddling, holding hands, spending so much time together, and just being plain happy because they have someone just starts to wear on a girl.
The worst part is that if I DIDN'T live by the morals that I have, I COULD have a boyfriend. I get asked out by lots of guys who are nice. But they arent members of my church, and they arent what Im looking for. If you know what you want, why would you settle for anything less than that? And no, I will no lower my standards. Id rather be alone. But yes, I can still complain. Thats why I have a blog for crying out loud. It turns out that men who are members of the church who are attractive to me are the worst kind of man. I just don't think that I'm this disgraceful, disgusting person that I start to feel more and more like everyday. I feel worthless because Im not thin. I don't think I'm ugly....but maybe I see something different than everyone else. I just don't get it anymore....and I don't know what else to do or say.......................................
2 comments:
I love you. All I can say is that I understand. When I get really low, I try to get on my knees and cry and plead for comfort. But, honestly, I usually don't do that. Read this month's Ensign. It's good - I read it tonight. But it still doesn't make the hurt and pain go away. But maybe it'll help a bit. If you want someone to cry with, give me a call. :)
Call me. Now.
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