Just a breif update.....

It's been a few days since I've actually "updated" on my life so I figured while I'm sitting here doing nothing I would take the time to update you all. I'm not sure how many people actually READ this....but I guess it's more for my own sake than anyone else's really.

Be careful what you pray for!!! LOL! Over the past several months I have been praying for a very specific thing...the opportunity to date more. I know, I know...it sounds totally cheesy and dumb, but I really missed dating and I'm starting to feel the need to start looking for a relationship and maybe more. I finally understand that patience and faith will lead me exactly where I need to go..but praying doesn't hurt!! I'm happy to report that I have had a semi active dating life for the past couple of months and it has been really nice!!! I haven't been dating anyone seriously, but I am going on a second date tonight with someone that I had a LOT of fun with the first time around. I've realized that my attitude towards who I am dating has changed a lot over the past few months as I've worked really hard to make some important changes in my life to prepare to go to the temple. I've been studying the Gospel much more and have taken my life a little more seriously lately...not too seriously mind you!! I still like to laugh as much as possible!!! But I try really hard to find a balance now...and I understand the Gospel much more than I ever have. I have been very blessed with personal revelations, promptings and whisperings from the Holy Ghost on helping me to better understand the Gospel and the Plan of Salvation. I believe in return, Heavenly Father is blessing me by giving me opportunities to date and start progressing towards that ultimate goal.

I've had a whirlwind however with employment over the past six months....I left Canal Overlook six months ago to take another opportunity at a larger community that paid more in Fishers....and to make a long story short, it just didn't work out. At the end of it all, I was struggling a lot with my panic disorder and finding myself having at least one panic attack on a daily basis. I assure you....NOT FUN! I feel so weak and inadequate when I suffer from panic because I feel like I have no control....even though I know in the back of my mind that I do have control! So I left that job (officially fired from my first job ever....) and found a job as a server at a really lovely italian restuarant downtown. I figured that this would be a great job to have while I go back to school...and it was much more flexible than the 9-6 gig I was used to working. So last week, I go in for a meeting....and they CLOSED the restaurant! Again, no job. I was so frustrated. Ironically enough, my old boss from Canal Overlook called me earlier in the previous week and asked if I would help in training yet another new manager. I declined at first....but seeing the situation I was in now, I called him back and was able to start on full time the next day. It's amazing to me how blessed I am to find new employment so quickly! haha. Although truth be told....I really really miss my restaurant. I loved working there...and it was the first job I think I've ever had that I truly enjoyed what I did. I never got bored! I hate being bored! lol. Desk jobs = BORING! So I'm still keeping my eyes open...

I also had gotten a pretty good grip on my panic attacks until a couple of weeks ago. I started feeling a little more anxious and panicky in the car and now I'm back to square one. I couldn't even drive to work yesterday!!! GRRR!!! SO FRUSTRATING! So today I took a "mental health" day as Kiera and I call it and am going to hit up the library to start reading up on the subject again. I know WHY I have them and what led up to them...it's a matter of having CONTROL over them that I still struggle with. I am lucky though...I have the best home teacher ever and he stopped by on Tuesday night to give me a blessing. The blessing helped and I know that the things that I was instructed to do in that blessing will help as well. I am so grateful for the preisthood!!!

I guess I don't have really anything "exciting" to share with you....just the hum drums of my day to day life. I am looking very forward to my picnic tonight. It's going to be like 30 degrees outside!!! HILARIOUS! So we def. have to go find someplace to warm up at afterwards. I'll try to take some pictures if Amy lets me borrow her camera.

Until we meet agian......

Court