A-ha and self discovery.

Monday was an interesting day....
It started with a lack of sleep and lots of tears. It ended with me coming to a realization that for 11 years I have been trying to fill the void of losing the one person in my life who always put me first. That is what I have always desired....someone who puts me first. I put them first, so I expect the same back...only I finally figured out that you can't force someone to do that. Not to mention my habit of picking these men who are not emotionally available and want to put me first. It's not good enough for me to be a great friend...I want to be first.

Well...enough is enough.

My ever increasingly wise assistant Lynn told me the following...and I think it is shear genius:

"Courtney, flight attendants instruct you to put on your oxygen mask first and then assist those around you. Tell me, how can you assist those around you if you can't breathe yourself? Put your mask on first, and then assist those around you."

Good, huh? Yeah, I thought so as well.

I have four months before I leave for Idaho and flip my life upside down. So these next four months are going to be about healing. Healing from years of not ever really taking the time to grieve. Healing from a broken heart. Putting myself first and being my own #1. I think right now it's important while I can be selfish, to do it. Granted, I'm not going to forget those around me..I'm still a daughter of God and a Saint, at that, so serving others is always on my list...

For those who lose their life for my sake shall find it.

It's well said. I like it :)

I'm up to the challenge. I know that Satan is going to continue to throw obstacles in my way....trying to throw me off track....but I know where my rock is, and it's the Gospel of Christ. It will take me higher than anywhere Satan would want to drag me to.

Peace, friends. Peace.