Life without Mom.

The last 11 years haven't been a walk in the park many times. The first 3 years after my mom died were nothing short of traumatic. I couldn't sleep or eat. I would wake up screaming. I always thought I was dying. I turned to partying with my friends and making out with guys as my refuge.

I would never want to say I'm happy that my mom left this earth when she did. I miss her every day. I miss her laugh, her smile, her words of wisdom....I just miss having a mom. And boy, was I lucky to have that one. She was the most loving, compassionate woman. She taught me how to love. I think job well done for her.

But today marks a new day. Even this year, I used the anniversary of her death as an excuse as to why I shouldn't be happy or to look for pity. No more. My mom was tremendous and her wish was for me to be happy...happier than she was and to be more than she became....because she knew she made a lot of mistakes in her life. We all have, have we not?

Today I am happy. Happier than I've been in a long time. I'm happy because I know that I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and is aware of me. I have a Savior. He cares for me and he paid the ultimate price for my sake. Heavenly Father knew that I would face great challenges in my life, losing my mother being one of the hardest by far, but not only did He know I could take my lemons and make some fabulous lemonade, I know that before this life, I made a choice. I know that we are and were before this mortal life. I know this because I have had the witness of the Holy Spirit bear record of this truth upon my heart. We are spiritual beings, given a body and the opportunity to progress and learn through the trials and glories of life, so that we might have our own worlds without end. We have been given a plan, even a plan of happiness so that we might have joy in this life amongst ALL that life can dish out for us. We must follow that plan. I'll come right out and say that life could be good without this knowledge, there are many seemingly happy people in this world who lack this wisdom...but why settle for good, when you can be given the BEST. I know that when we follow the Gospel and we live for righteousness' sake, we are blessed beyond measure. We are given the best that this life has to offer, temporally and spiritually. I am eternally grateful for the gift I was given to have a mother who only needed 13 years to teach me a lifetime worth of knowledge. What an incredible woman she was to be able to do that?! And believe me when I say that she covered a lot of ground despite my young age. Not only do I know that we existed before this mortal experience, I know that we will continue on after this life. I know that there is more to this that what meets the eye. And in addition to that, we can be with our families forever. The sealing power of Heaven is right here on this earth. No more "til death do us part" mumbo jumbo. We have the gift of eternity.

I know that Christ lives. I know that I will be reunited with my mother someday. Just as she saved me....I too, have the power to help her reach salvation and ultimately, exaltation in the presence of our Father in Heaven as an eternal family.