It's 5:30 in the morning and my mind is racing. This beach....that is where I need to be. Clarity. Peace. Serenity.
I am so distracted. I can't keep my focus. I'm in this "friendship" but is it benefiting me at all? Or is it constantly making me second guess myself...knocking me down...instead of building me up. I always feel inadequate....like I'm not good enough. I know that's not true, but it's hard to convince yourself otherwise at times.
I have this picture in my head. This picture of what I want for my life. But how do I get there? And more importantly, is that Heavenly Father's will for my life? I just need to pray. I've been praying, but again, even my prayers have been distracted. Ugh...so confused on what to do.
You wouldn't even see this coming, but I assure you it boils down to the fact that a girl needs a daddy who tells her she's beautiful. That was something that I thought of and it makes logical, psychological sense. My whole life I have been reassured of who I am by women, not men. Therefore, as an adult, I tend to seek approval and need that reassurance from men who are much like my own father....that is, men who don't freely hand out those compliments, or better yet, men who simply call it as they see it. I wonder sometimes if my dad thinks that I'm pretty. I've never asked him. He's never said it. Isn't that interesting that I would like all of this to that fact? It certainly came out of no where for me. I was thinking and thinking about all of these things going on in my head and then, WHAM, it all clicked. So men, if you ever have a daughter, the best thing you can do for her is support her and more importantly, tell her that's beautiful from time to time.
Okay....back to focusing. What to focus on? Developing my talents. Creating a plan. Focus on what's important (e.g growing closer to the Lord). Remember who I am.
Again, that male/female relationship is still one that baffles me. I still find myself saying, "what does it boil down to". I think I know. But I'm still hoping someone will prove my theory wrong. My theory is that when it comes to men, their first priority is physical attraction. When it comes to women, their first priority is being with someone that makes them feel physically attractive. I am not saying that this is the ONLY thing that's important, but I am saying that this appears to be the FIRST thing. Beauty is only skin deep and will only get you so far, but it does seem to get one farther along than someone who, by definition, is not "beautiful". Don't read too far into that theory, but as someone who pays attention to the aesthetic aspect of many things, I understand it's importance.
So I pose these questions (and although no one else might understand these questions....I know what they mean)....
What about your car don't you like?
What about your car do you like?
You say you get caught up in the moment with you car....and you forget that it's not really the car you want....what catches you up in the moment?
What car is it that you're really looking for?
.................................
FOCUS.
Okay...maybe now I can go back to sleep for an hour before my alarm goes off.....LAMMMMEEE.
1 comment:
I love this post, it's so real and uniform. We're so trained to think this way, aren't we?
My honest oppinion is that yes, you are correct about first impressions. However, it's sort of funny too. I think it's very superficial to men MOST of the time. But it's amazing how I've seen men completely transform, and truely love their woman for who she is and not what she looks like.
I guess what I'm saying is that when it's the RIGHT person, those superficial things fall to the wayside and our minds are open and clear - even at first sight. I know, it sounds really corny. (In Gidget, the mom tells Gidget that the way she will know when she has found the man she is supposed to be with, it will be as sure as if a mallet hit her on the head. - I believe that goes both ways!)
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