It twines and curves around the bend.
It's up ahead if you will take the time to look up.
I'm right here all along.
I've been there before and you have no reason to fear.
You're already where you wanted to be.
You make the choice, you set the pace.
Let me be here right beside your voice.
Trust in Him and take time for a ride.
Hold on to what you know.
The most beautiful thing is to know you're loved.
The most incredible feeling is watch you grow.
Try the beautiful and feel the incredible.
And love me.
It's the second chances that get handed to us freely.
It's the opportunity to make up for lost time.
He won't forget so why must we remind him,
he knows that we're walking side by side.
It's about the fields of green and the blades of grass.
The azure blue sky and the trees overhead.
The deep water and the sapphire sunset.
Be loved. Be lovely. Be you.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
The motivation to clean..
So normally I am a bit of a neat freak when it comes to having my apartment clean and orderly. I don't like dirty dishes in the sink, I enjoy my bed to be made, I like my desk to be organized, the fridge stocked and organized, and the couch cleaned off. However, lately, I have let my apartment become a bit disorganized, and even a little.....messy! I have been pretty on-the-go a lot but that really is no excuse. I've had the time...I just have wasted that time doing other things that seem to take precedence.
I have been keeping up with work and such...going to my church meetings as I should...but I just haven't been spending as much time doing things around the house to stay organized. I need to be better about that.
Life is a balancing act and I'm afraid I'm still learning how to balance it all. I am sure it's a life long process. There are times where I enjoy being at home all weekend with nothing to do or people to see. I really need to get on the ball though. It's a bit discouraging perhaps that I am unmotivated to do some things that are normally second nature to me.
I am still excited about getting out to school but right now I have other things to focus on that will aid in my getting out there. First and foremost, I am moving temporarily (for five or so months until I move out to Idaho) and someone is subletting my apartment. I am really feeling the sting of being in debt right now. Hopefully that is something I can work on over the next few months. I really should look into getting a part time job. I wish I had someone who would tell me exactly how to spend my money....because honestly, I'm not so great at it. I need someone to teach me. I am looking to the relief of student loans to help alleviate so of my "debt" but all in all, I'm just transferring that debt to another form of debt. Other than finding a place to live for free and selling my car, I'm just not sure how else to get it all paid off. It's going to be a process...and it's going to take time. I have be patient with it. Moving will definitely relieve some financial stress. It seems that managing my finances is one of my biggest trials. I am just very un-gifted at it....out of all my many gifts...that one is one I unfortunately lack...but have a strong desire to improve. I have faith that some day my debts will be paid off by my hard work and diligence. It's just going to take some time....
Time is something that the world seems to never have enough of. We spend so much of our lives working to make money to pay bills. Who the heck came up with this!? That's what I want to know. Time and money are the two things that separate the classes of society amongst other things. Those with more money seem to have more time....and those will less money seem to have less time. I fear I'll never be someone who can make a big enough difference in the world to ease the burdens of the poor in order to effect change, but I seem to be so torn on my opinions about the poor. Many individuals who are poverty stricken are those who have never risen above and beyond to maximize their potential. Some are not able to while others simply choose not to. There are cultures that are stereotyped for being poor and unclean. Those people who have risen above the stereotype of their culture seem to be even more successful because of the trials they had to overcome. For us simple white folk, we supposedly have it made. We are not judged by society by the color of our skin and seem to have all good things pointing towards our culture. However, hiding behind the appearances of a middle class society is rising debt, mortgage foreclosures and irresponsibility. It is simply a facade. I long for a day where I am not in debt and not only am I free from debt, but able to enjoy time and money for their value. Who knows if that will ever happen....but I have faith that if I keep my nose to the grind, it can and will happen.
I'm not quite sure what caused my tangent regarding debt...but I know it's something that has been on my mind. The fact that my wallet is empty is something that causes me to feel a little down on myself. In return, I feel unmotivated to clean.
I guess there's my answer.
I have been keeping up with work and such...going to my church meetings as I should...but I just haven't been spending as much time doing things around the house to stay organized. I need to be better about that.
Life is a balancing act and I'm afraid I'm still learning how to balance it all. I am sure it's a life long process. There are times where I enjoy being at home all weekend with nothing to do or people to see. I really need to get on the ball though. It's a bit discouraging perhaps that I am unmotivated to do some things that are normally second nature to me.
I am still excited about getting out to school but right now I have other things to focus on that will aid in my getting out there. First and foremost, I am moving temporarily (for five or so months until I move out to Idaho) and someone is subletting my apartment. I am really feeling the sting of being in debt right now. Hopefully that is something I can work on over the next few months. I really should look into getting a part time job. I wish I had someone who would tell me exactly how to spend my money....because honestly, I'm not so great at it. I need someone to teach me. I am looking to the relief of student loans to help alleviate so of my "debt" but all in all, I'm just transferring that debt to another form of debt. Other than finding a place to live for free and selling my car, I'm just not sure how else to get it all paid off. It's going to be a process...and it's going to take time. I have be patient with it. Moving will definitely relieve some financial stress. It seems that managing my finances is one of my biggest trials. I am just very un-gifted at it....out of all my many gifts...that one is one I unfortunately lack...but have a strong desire to improve. I have faith that some day my debts will be paid off by my hard work and diligence. It's just going to take some time....
Time is something that the world seems to never have enough of. We spend so much of our lives working to make money to pay bills. Who the heck came up with this!? That's what I want to know. Time and money are the two things that separate the classes of society amongst other things. Those with more money seem to have more time....and those will less money seem to have less time. I fear I'll never be someone who can make a big enough difference in the world to ease the burdens of the poor in order to effect change, but I seem to be so torn on my opinions about the poor. Many individuals who are poverty stricken are those who have never risen above and beyond to maximize their potential. Some are not able to while others simply choose not to. There are cultures that are stereotyped for being poor and unclean. Those people who have risen above the stereotype of their culture seem to be even more successful because of the trials they had to overcome. For us simple white folk, we supposedly have it made. We are not judged by society by the color of our skin and seem to have all good things pointing towards our culture. However, hiding behind the appearances of a middle class society is rising debt, mortgage foreclosures and irresponsibility. It is simply a facade. I long for a day where I am not in debt and not only am I free from debt, but able to enjoy time and money for their value. Who knows if that will ever happen....but I have faith that if I keep my nose to the grind, it can and will happen.
I'm not quite sure what caused my tangent regarding debt...but I know it's something that has been on my mind. The fact that my wallet is empty is something that causes me to feel a little down on myself. In return, I feel unmotivated to clean.
I guess there's my answer.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Expect nothing, hope for everything.
I have pretty much had the most amazing weekend....just wanted to throw that out there.
I'm so grateful for the Gospel in my life.
That's all. :)
I'm so grateful for the Gospel in my life.
That's all. :)
Saturday, July 19, 2008
OH....
OH! Ride a motorcycle until 4am!!!!!!! SO MUCH FUN! I think I could be slightly addicted now. I normally would tell every detail about a night like last night.....but for right now, I just want to keep it all inside and enjoy it for myself.
That's all for now :)
Be lovely and stay lovely.
That's all for now :)
Be lovely and stay lovely.
Friday, July 18, 2008
HOLLAAAA.
So life is pretty gosh darn wonderful. I have just been feeling great the past few days! I found someone to sublet my apartment and what a RELIEF!!! Oh my goodness, seriously, Heavenly Father totally answered my prayers. I am so grateful!
ANDDDD....I know that I'm going to have enough money to pay for school :) YAYAYAY!!!! I'm SOOOO pumped to get out to Idaho! You have NO idea. There are still several people here that I will miss terribly, but I am so excited to go out and be around so many members of the church and just get my head back in the books and get my degree!
That's a brief update. I have more, but I am going to take a cat nap for a few. I think I might be going on a midnight motorcycle ride.....not by myself....I obviously do not own a motorcycle.
God.
Is.
Good.
ANDDDD....I know that I'm going to have enough money to pay for school :) YAYAYAY!!!! I'm SOOOO pumped to get out to Idaho! You have NO idea. There are still several people here that I will miss terribly, but I am so excited to go out and be around so many members of the church and just get my head back in the books and get my degree!
That's a brief update. I have more, but I am going to take a cat nap for a few. I think I might be going on a midnight motorcycle ride.....not by myself....I obviously do not own a motorcycle.
God.
Is.
Good.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Remember who you are....
I wrote this over five years ago.....
"i am....
talented, intelligent, musical, funny, beautiful, fierce, witty, graceful, joyful, spiritual, soulful, challenging, stubborn, honest, wonderful, Daughter of God, profound, compassionate, loving, passionate, romantic, wishful, whimsical, hopeful, lucky and blessed.
I'm 5'4, i have brown hair but i dye it all the time, i have brown eyes with hints of auburn in them, i have a big smile, i have a pudgy nose, i'm overweight but i'm beautiful, i have big boobs (thanks mom!), i don't wear necklaces, i had a lot of gay friends in college, i have a mole on my eyebrow, my chin breaks out...no where else...just my chin, i have muscle damage in my neck and back and it puts me a lot of pain, i can sing really high, i crush hard, i love to dance, i have a huge laugh, i say things like "dude and wicked sweet", i go to church, i love gooey cookies, i'm confident in my abilities, i believe that there are few people in this world like me but kiera is one of them, i change clothes a lot, i have my ears pierced twice and my cartilage but i rarely wear earrings, i cant live without my cell phone, i love the Gap, i have chubby hands, i wear a thumb ring on my left hand, i wear a watch on my right hand because i'm left handed, singing is my life, my favorite outfit is gap jeans with a black favorite tee and black boots, i like big hair, i'm a performer, i have panic attacks for no reason, i've had a hard life but i survived and am stronger because of it, i like to learn, i hate homework, i don't remember things that are important...it's only the little stuff i remember, i'm mormon, i love God, i shave my arms, the only book i've ever read without skipping a page is the first two Harry Potter books, i have big dreams, i'm a hoosier, i believe in love, i believe in myself, i am loved, i have straight teeth except for my bottom two teeth are crooked, i'm a hypochondriac, i won't tell a lie when someone asks me a question, i have a wonderful father, my mother taught me how to love and laugh, i'm loud, i love attention, my favorite color is yellow, i like makeup, i have expensive taste on a cheap budget, pictures are a vital part of remembering the past, i'm a diva in disguise, i'm tempermental, i'm insecure, i have too many shoes, i'm smart but i don't care if my grades say it, i like fall, i like to cuddle, RENT is my favorite musical, i'm messy and always have a lot of laundry, i need my friends, i'm emotional, i know how to cry and i show my feelings, i live and learn, i skipped class, i try not to gossip, i sometimes focus too much on other's feelings and not on my own, i get attached, i can live without anyone but i can't live alone, i love show tunes, i eat too much, i love milk, i love someone that i can't have....yet, i'm not a virgin but i refuse to have sex before marriage, i want to be loved for everything about me, i have a mole on my cheek, i have many scars, i don't paint my fingernails with colors, i like to smell good, i love candles...this is me, i love the good with the bad and when i don't love me, i'll read this and remind myself that i do love me and so does someone else...."
I have realized lately that I needed to remember who I am...where I've been and where I'm going. I wrote this when I was 19 or 20....which is funny because a LOT of things on this list are still true. Even some of things about the fact that I don't wear colors on my nails and that I shave my arms. Some are not the same, and that's a good thing. (ex: i don't say dude and wicked sweet, and I'm not messy anymore!) Some are not the same, and it's a bad thing! (i believe in myself...) The good news is that I loved myself then...but lately i've struggled to do that. I'm not sure why or what has changed so much that I stopped loving myself, but reading this made me smile. It made me remember. I have no reason NOT to love myself. I'm not saying that I loathe myself or anything, but I haven't truly felt at peace with myself for a while now. Months, even. I have good days, but overall, I've just been disappointed in myself. Not quite sure where that came from, but I'm sure it's from some disappointing things that have happened to me over the past year or so that just kept piling up. The great news....I am the only person who can decide to make a change. So now that I'm aware, I can make a conscious effort to fix this! The girl that wrote that description five years ago is still the woman who is writing this blog. And that girl...she was pretty cool. This woman....even cooler. So what the heck am I doing being down?! Get up, I tell ya! Get UP! haha.
Hope you enjoyed my epic "me" list. I know it was fun for me to read through.
Peace yo,
Courtney
"i am....
talented, intelligent, musical, funny, beautiful, fierce, witty, graceful, joyful, spiritual, soulful, challenging, stubborn, honest, wonderful, Daughter of God, profound, compassionate, loving, passionate, romantic, wishful, whimsical, hopeful, lucky and blessed.
I'm 5'4, i have brown hair but i dye it all the time, i have brown eyes with hints of auburn in them, i have a big smile, i have a pudgy nose, i'm overweight but i'm beautiful, i have big boobs (thanks mom!), i don't wear necklaces, i had a lot of gay friends in college, i have a mole on my eyebrow, my chin breaks out...no where else...just my chin, i have muscle damage in my neck and back and it puts me a lot of pain, i can sing really high, i crush hard, i love to dance, i have a huge laugh, i say things like "dude and wicked sweet", i go to church, i love gooey cookies, i'm confident in my abilities, i believe that there are few people in this world like me but kiera is one of them, i change clothes a lot, i have my ears pierced twice and my cartilage but i rarely wear earrings, i cant live without my cell phone, i love the Gap, i have chubby hands, i wear a thumb ring on my left hand, i wear a watch on my right hand because i'm left handed, singing is my life, my favorite outfit is gap jeans with a black favorite tee and black boots, i like big hair, i'm a performer, i have panic attacks for no reason, i've had a hard life but i survived and am stronger because of it, i like to learn, i hate homework, i don't remember things that are important...it's only the little stuff i remember, i'm mormon, i love God, i shave my arms, the only book i've ever read without skipping a page is the first two Harry Potter books, i have big dreams, i'm a hoosier, i believe in love, i believe in myself, i am loved, i have straight teeth except for my bottom two teeth are crooked, i'm a hypochondriac, i won't tell a lie when someone asks me a question, i have a wonderful father, my mother taught me how to love and laugh, i'm loud, i love attention, my favorite color is yellow, i like makeup, i have expensive taste on a cheap budget, pictures are a vital part of remembering the past, i'm a diva in disguise, i'm tempermental, i'm insecure, i have too many shoes, i'm smart but i don't care if my grades say it, i like fall, i like to cuddle, RENT is my favorite musical, i'm messy and always have a lot of laundry, i need my friends, i'm emotional, i know how to cry and i show my feelings, i live and learn, i skipped class, i try not to gossip, i sometimes focus too much on other's feelings and not on my own, i get attached, i can live without anyone but i can't live alone, i love show tunes, i eat too much, i love milk, i love someone that i can't have....yet, i'm not a virgin but i refuse to have sex before marriage, i want to be loved for everything about me, i have a mole on my cheek, i have many scars, i don't paint my fingernails with colors, i like to smell good, i love candles...this is me, i love the good with the bad and when i don't love me, i'll read this and remind myself that i do love me and so does someone else...."
I have realized lately that I needed to remember who I am...where I've been and where I'm going. I wrote this when I was 19 or 20....which is funny because a LOT of things on this list are still true. Even some of things about the fact that I don't wear colors on my nails and that I shave my arms. Some are not the same, and that's a good thing. (ex: i don't say dude and wicked sweet, and I'm not messy anymore!) Some are not the same, and it's a bad thing! (i believe in myself...) The good news is that I loved myself then...but lately i've struggled to do that. I'm not sure why or what has changed so much that I stopped loving myself, but reading this made me smile. It made me remember. I have no reason NOT to love myself. I'm not saying that I loathe myself or anything, but I haven't truly felt at peace with myself for a while now. Months, even. I have good days, but overall, I've just been disappointed in myself. Not quite sure where that came from, but I'm sure it's from some disappointing things that have happened to me over the past year or so that just kept piling up. The great news....I am the only person who can decide to make a change. So now that I'm aware, I can make a conscious effort to fix this! The girl that wrote that description five years ago is still the woman who is writing this blog. And that girl...she was pretty cool. This woman....even cooler. So what the heck am I doing being down?! Get up, I tell ya! Get UP! haha.
Hope you enjoyed my epic "me" list. I know it was fun for me to read through.
Peace yo,
Courtney
Monday, July 14, 2008
Check please....
As a child I always had a vivid imagination. I had imaginary friends and loved to dream about being famous and important. I've dropped the imaginary friends (that's my story and I'm sticking to it!) but I still have these dreams. My dreams now are different than before. I no longer dream of bright stage lights. I dream of a beautiful home, clean, and bright where the Spirit is felt from the moment you walk in the door. I dream of waking up and looking next to me....and seeing the man that agreed to put up with me FOREVER. I dream of a small, tight family where my kids play sports and know everyone. Our house is always the place where all my kids' friends want to go because it's so much fun. I have these dreams....and Heavenly Father is making me wait ever so patiently for them.
I gave my lesson tonight at Family Home Evening on priorities and on putting the kingdom and Heavenly Father first in all we do. I admit that I struggle to do that. I know the Gospel is true and I live by the commandments....but do I really trust God? I'm afraid I haven't been a good example of that. The great thing about Heavenly Father is he allows us to repent and progress and fix our mistakes. I am so grateful for that!!! I had a moment with Heavenly Father this morning....I told him that no matter what, I won't turn my back on him again. So I need to work on putting him first....and having faith. I try so hard to MAKE things the way I want them...but the reality of it all is that Heavenly Father has a plan for me...and that plan will happen whether I fight it or not. I do have my agency. But there are some things that I cannot control. Other people is one of those things.
I cannot wait to get out to Idaho. If I could move there tomorrow, I WOULD!!! But I can't...and I need to prepare and wrap things up on the homefront a bit. I don't think I have a clear understanding of my purpose and where I fit in his plan. Perhaps I hide behind humor....because on the inside I feel like I'm drowning a bit. I know it sounds melodramatic. Oddly enough, I'm a fairly upbeat and optimistic person. But when it comes to relationships......I'm a mess!!! One day I'll figure it all out.
I gave my lesson tonight at Family Home Evening on priorities and on putting the kingdom and Heavenly Father first in all we do. I admit that I struggle to do that. I know the Gospel is true and I live by the commandments....but do I really trust God? I'm afraid I haven't been a good example of that. The great thing about Heavenly Father is he allows us to repent and progress and fix our mistakes. I am so grateful for that!!! I had a moment with Heavenly Father this morning....I told him that no matter what, I won't turn my back on him again. So I need to work on putting him first....and having faith. I try so hard to MAKE things the way I want them...but the reality of it all is that Heavenly Father has a plan for me...and that plan will happen whether I fight it or not. I do have my agency. But there are some things that I cannot control. Other people is one of those things.
I cannot wait to get out to Idaho. If I could move there tomorrow, I WOULD!!! But I can't...and I need to prepare and wrap things up on the homefront a bit. I don't think I have a clear understanding of my purpose and where I fit in his plan. Perhaps I hide behind humor....because on the inside I feel like I'm drowning a bit. I know it sounds melodramatic. Oddly enough, I'm a fairly upbeat and optimistic person. But when it comes to relationships......I'm a mess!!! One day I'll figure it all out.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Standing Strong on the Single-front!
So I just got off the phone with Vandi....and it's so cute to listen to her talk about all the "stuff" that comes along with having a new baby around. She's such a good mom!! There are SOOOO many of my friends that are married and having babies these days. My single status seems a bit....well....single. lol. I'm not complaining...being single has a lot of pluses...and I'm sure my turn will be here sooner than I am ready for! haha.
This week has been interesting....and a little different but it has been great. No complaints. My only frustration is that I haven't been working out this week OR reading my scriptures like I should...but my fatigue has been subsiding a little bit. I havent been getting near enough sleep this week, but my reason is excusable in my book ;) I've spent a lot of time with my friend this week....and it has been nice. Nothing more or less than still friends but I really do enjoy myself. Tuesday night I showed him around my favorite spot #3, the Lilly House Gardens at the Indianapolis Museum of Art. It was INCREDIBLE....and as always, absolutely gorgeous. Then it started to thunder....and then it started to POUR on us! It was GREAT! I loved it!!!! I haven't been rained on in a long time...and sometimes, it's awesome to stand and let the rain hit your skin. The storm that followed I wasn't fond of, but the hard rain was great. It's those moments that you remember for a long time. I like to make memories. It's one of my favorite things :) So it was worth the trip out. I went to the emergency room that same day for my fatigue. I'm just exhausted and yawn a LOT...but I'm not quite sure why. The good news ....all of my blood work came back normal. So I am just going to continue on and see if it subsides....make some small changes in some things to see if that changes. I'm wondering if it's hormonal...and that's a strong possibility. So yeah, I'll keep you updated.
I'm dogsitting for my parents this weekend, so I'm at their house all weekend. It's kinda weird...and their bed is RIDICULOUSLY uncomfortable. I swear their pillows are made of straw or something. I got home kind of late last night so I didn't go to sleep until almost 2...only to be awoken at 5am by my dad's alarm clock that he forgot to turn off. So I let the dog out...then went back to sleep. Then I couldn't figure out how to turn the alarm clock OFF...so it kept going off every 10 or 15 minutes until I finally just shut it off. Then, an hour later, ANOTHER alarm clock goes off....so I shut that one off. Then MY alarm clock went off at 7:45am....THEN it started to storm like crazy. So...needless to say, I didn't get very much sleep. Hopefully I'll get some better sleep tonight. It's hard to sleep in someone else's bed, especially when it's so uncomfortable or different from your own. I have a very soft bed and soft pillows....and their bed is hard and their pillows are hard. It wasn't a pleasant experience. haha.
Today will probably be a lot of lounging around....because I don't want the d.o.g to be home all alone today. I miss my food though. My parents eat really differently than I do. OH why don't I just keep complaining!!! lol.
I've been thinking a lot about relationships. I have a couple of good friends who are recently married and on the verge of getting married that, in my mind, don't have the "model" relationships you would think of for their situations. It worries me. When I get married, I have a very clear and precise vision of the kind of feelings I want to feel. Doubt and regret do NOT fit in that equation. Nearly HALF of ALL marriages in the US fail....and I am determined to not be one of them. When I get married, I want to look at my husband and feel peace, comfort and stability and most importantly, unconditional love. I want him to know that I will stand by him for all time and eternity...through good and bad...thick and thin....everything. When you're married, you will know that person in and out....you will hear them go to the bathroom, see them naked on their good days and bad days...have to tolerate through every mood they go through and at the end of the day, you still want to be no where else but right there beside them when they go to sleep. Some days you will question your decision....I think if every day was perfect, then that's not good either. But although you question it because it's hard, you have a testimony that your marriage is God's will. It's just like the Gospel...there will be days where you don't work as hard, or want it as bad....and there will be days where you feel like it's too hard to do it, but your testimony...that burning engraven statement on your heart that tells you that God is real and He lives and loves you, that you KNOW the Gospel is true and it's the key to happiness....that is what keeps you in it for the long haul. So just as we know the Gospel and believe in it...we have to know our partner and believe in them. We have to know their faults and be accepting of them...because if you can't get past that fault, your expectations of it or anticipation of it changing is what keeps you in the relationship, I fear that your expectations are too high. We must never expect someone to change. That is what I have learned. Maybe they can....but it's only through the Gospel and even then, some of their annoying habits might remain. We have to be willing to tolerate them and even come to love their imperfections. It's the imperfections that make them who they are. I'm not quite sure why I feel that I'm the end all, know all to relationships....but I feel strongly about this. I have given it much thought. Through these last four years of being single, I have observed. I have pondered. I have prayed. I have written. I have learned. Maybe one day I'll write about my own relationship....until then, I'll keep writing about others! :)
Okay...I should definitely shower. haha.
This week has been interesting....and a little different but it has been great. No complaints. My only frustration is that I haven't been working out this week OR reading my scriptures like I should...but my fatigue has been subsiding a little bit. I havent been getting near enough sleep this week, but my reason is excusable in my book ;) I've spent a lot of time with my friend this week....and it has been nice. Nothing more or less than still friends but I really do enjoy myself. Tuesday night I showed him around my favorite spot #3, the Lilly House Gardens at the Indianapolis Museum of Art. It was INCREDIBLE....and as always, absolutely gorgeous. Then it started to thunder....and then it started to POUR on us! It was GREAT! I loved it!!!! I haven't been rained on in a long time...and sometimes, it's awesome to stand and let the rain hit your skin. The storm that followed I wasn't fond of, but the hard rain was great. It's those moments that you remember for a long time. I like to make memories. It's one of my favorite things :) So it was worth the trip out. I went to the emergency room that same day for my fatigue. I'm just exhausted and yawn a LOT...but I'm not quite sure why. The good news ....all of my blood work came back normal. So I am just going to continue on and see if it subsides....make some small changes in some things to see if that changes. I'm wondering if it's hormonal...and that's a strong possibility. So yeah, I'll keep you updated.
I'm dogsitting for my parents this weekend, so I'm at their house all weekend. It's kinda weird...and their bed is RIDICULOUSLY uncomfortable. I swear their pillows are made of straw or something. I got home kind of late last night so I didn't go to sleep until almost 2...only to be awoken at 5am by my dad's alarm clock that he forgot to turn off. So I let the dog out...then went back to sleep. Then I couldn't figure out how to turn the alarm clock OFF...so it kept going off every 10 or 15 minutes until I finally just shut it off. Then, an hour later, ANOTHER alarm clock goes off....so I shut that one off. Then MY alarm clock went off at 7:45am....THEN it started to storm like crazy. So...needless to say, I didn't get very much sleep. Hopefully I'll get some better sleep tonight. It's hard to sleep in someone else's bed, especially when it's so uncomfortable or different from your own. I have a very soft bed and soft pillows....and their bed is hard and their pillows are hard. It wasn't a pleasant experience. haha.
Today will probably be a lot of lounging around....because I don't want the d.o.g to be home all alone today. I miss my food though. My parents eat really differently than I do. OH why don't I just keep complaining!!! lol.
I've been thinking a lot about relationships. I have a couple of good friends who are recently married and on the verge of getting married that, in my mind, don't have the "model" relationships you would think of for their situations. It worries me. When I get married, I have a very clear and precise vision of the kind of feelings I want to feel. Doubt and regret do NOT fit in that equation. Nearly HALF of ALL marriages in the US fail....and I am determined to not be one of them. When I get married, I want to look at my husband and feel peace, comfort and stability and most importantly, unconditional love. I want him to know that I will stand by him for all time and eternity...through good and bad...thick and thin....everything. When you're married, you will know that person in and out....you will hear them go to the bathroom, see them naked on their good days and bad days...have to tolerate through every mood they go through and at the end of the day, you still want to be no where else but right there beside them when they go to sleep. Some days you will question your decision....I think if every day was perfect, then that's not good either. But although you question it because it's hard, you have a testimony that your marriage is God's will. It's just like the Gospel...there will be days where you don't work as hard, or want it as bad....and there will be days where you feel like it's too hard to do it, but your testimony...that burning engraven statement on your heart that tells you that God is real and He lives and loves you, that you KNOW the Gospel is true and it's the key to happiness....that is what keeps you in it for the long haul. So just as we know the Gospel and believe in it...we have to know our partner and believe in them. We have to know their faults and be accepting of them...because if you can't get past that fault, your expectations of it or anticipation of it changing is what keeps you in the relationship, I fear that your expectations are too high. We must never expect someone to change. That is what I have learned. Maybe they can....but it's only through the Gospel and even then, some of their annoying habits might remain. We have to be willing to tolerate them and even come to love their imperfections. It's the imperfections that make them who they are. I'm not quite sure why I feel that I'm the end all, know all to relationships....but I feel strongly about this. I have given it much thought. Through these last four years of being single, I have observed. I have pondered. I have prayed. I have written. I have learned. Maybe one day I'll write about my own relationship....until then, I'll keep writing about others! :)
Okay...I should definitely shower. haha.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Happy Fourth of July!!!
Today was different than most fourth of julys for me...but it was good, nonetheless. The weather SUCKED...well it could have been worse, but it was rainy and kind of cold all day. But at least it stopped long enough to grill out!! I LOVE grilling out. Something about a burger or chicken off the grill with some corn on the cob and baked beans that just makes me happy! Needless to say, I have not restricted myself on the diet for the past two days with it being the holiday weekend and all. You have to let yourself splurge a bit sometimes in order to not go crazy. So anyways...I got to see my family and my babies (my two nieces and my nephew). I love those kids to peices!!
Allyson is on the left, Charliegh is in the middle and Hunter is on the right. They are little stinkers but I think they are gorgeous. It was a relaxing day.
I'm getting more and more nervous/excited about Idaho. Six months is a long time away but in the same boat, it's actually not far away at ALL. I'm going to study music and finish up the degree I started five years ago. The program is not as rigorous as Indiana's was so I should be okay. I need to start getting my voice back into shape though!!! And I need to start studying music a little to get it back in my brain (key signatures, notes, blah blah blah). I'm very much an "ear" singer...I hear things and they stick. I don't read music very well and I can't play piano to save my life...so I'm going to have to get back to work on that. I'm looking forward to a fresh start. Not that things here are bad....but the opportunity to follow my dreams and become who I have always wanted is here and now and I'm going to take it!
So....that's the update for now!
Allyson is on the left, Charliegh is in the middle and Hunter is on the right. They are little stinkers but I think they are gorgeous. It was a relaxing day.
I'm getting more and more nervous/excited about Idaho. Six months is a long time away but in the same boat, it's actually not far away at ALL. I'm going to study music and finish up the degree I started five years ago. The program is not as rigorous as Indiana's was so I should be okay. I need to start getting my voice back into shape though!!! And I need to start studying music a little to get it back in my brain (key signatures, notes, blah blah blah). I'm very much an "ear" singer...I hear things and they stick. I don't read music very well and I can't play piano to save my life...so I'm going to have to get back to work on that. I'm looking forward to a fresh start. Not that things here are bad....but the opportunity to follow my dreams and become who I have always wanted is here and now and I'm going to take it!
So....that's the update for now!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Dreaming with a broken heart.
John Mayer has some of the most amazing lyrics ever. Really...I actually FEEL his songs, even if I can't relate to them personally, which says a lot.
I'm really looking forward to what is ahead for me. Not to say that I'm not enjoying the moment, but life just keeps getting better. Yesterday, I went to sleep at 9:30! It was crazy! I haven't gone to bed that early in a reallllyyy long time. I started reading Revelations last night. I'm already lost! haha. Luckily the chapters are somewhat short so I will hopefully breeze through it.
I'm am REALLY looking forward to this weekend. It should be fun and relaxing. I'm definitely feeling the stress of having NO money right now, but it will all figure itself out. I'm adjusting my tithing (to my gross income) like I know I should and the Lord will make sure I'm taken care of...he knows my needs. But nonetheless, this weekend should be great! Starting off with a cookout and fireworks on Thursday night at Michelle's and then Friday I'll be spending the majority of the day with my family. There is always so much pressure to go to family functions with a "date" but it's okay, I'm single...therefore, I'll go single. My sister Jaime will be in town and I miss her terribly so I'm really excited to see her...and the kiddies...and everyone else. I'm also pretty pumped because we're cooking RIBS...I haven't had ribs in a while. Then the normal fireworks downtown and then Saturday is JOHN MAYER!!!!!!!! OMG I can't even tell you how excited I am about that! I think I was like 7 the last time I was at concert at Verizon...and I'm pretty sure it was New Kids on the Block and I had an ear infection so I cried the whole time. haha. This should be much better.
The last few days have been kind of hard. I went from having my roommate and all of my friends around all the time and talking to Adam almost every day to none of that....it all just stopped. Kelly leaves on Monday and then here I will be....best friend-less yet again. Oh well.
I'm really looking forward to what is ahead for me. Not to say that I'm not enjoying the moment, but life just keeps getting better. Yesterday, I went to sleep at 9:30! It was crazy! I haven't gone to bed that early in a reallllyyy long time. I started reading Revelations last night. I'm already lost! haha. Luckily the chapters are somewhat short so I will hopefully breeze through it.
I'm am REALLY looking forward to this weekend. It should be fun and relaxing. I'm definitely feeling the stress of having NO money right now, but it will all figure itself out. I'm adjusting my tithing (to my gross income) like I know I should and the Lord will make sure I'm taken care of...he knows my needs. But nonetheless, this weekend should be great! Starting off with a cookout and fireworks on Thursday night at Michelle's and then Friday I'll be spending the majority of the day with my family. There is always so much pressure to go to family functions with a "date" but it's okay, I'm single...therefore, I'll go single. My sister Jaime will be in town and I miss her terribly so I'm really excited to see her...and the kiddies...and everyone else. I'm also pretty pumped because we're cooking RIBS...I haven't had ribs in a while. Then the normal fireworks downtown and then Saturday is JOHN MAYER!!!!!!!! OMG I can't even tell you how excited I am about that! I think I was like 7 the last time I was at concert at Verizon...and I'm pretty sure it was New Kids on the Block and I had an ear infection so I cried the whole time. haha. This should be much better.
The last few days have been kind of hard. I went from having my roommate and all of my friends around all the time and talking to Adam almost every day to none of that....it all just stopped. Kelly leaves on Monday and then here I will be....best friend-less yet again. Oh well.
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