I wrote this over five years ago.....
"i am....
talented, intelligent, musical, funny, beautiful, fierce, witty, graceful, joyful, spiritual, soulful, challenging, stubborn, honest, wonderful, Daughter of God, profound, compassionate, loving, passionate, romantic, wishful, whimsical, hopeful, lucky and blessed.
I'm 5'4, i have brown hair but i dye it all the time, i have brown eyes with hints of auburn in them, i have a big smile, i have a pudgy nose, i'm overweight but i'm beautiful, i have big boobs (thanks mom!), i don't wear necklaces, i had a lot of gay friends in college, i have a mole on my eyebrow, my chin breaks out...no where else...just my chin, i have muscle damage in my neck and back and it puts me a lot of pain, i can sing really high, i crush hard, i love to dance, i have a huge laugh, i say things like "dude and wicked sweet", i go to church, i love gooey cookies, i'm confident in my abilities, i believe that there are few people in this world like me but kiera is one of them, i change clothes a lot, i have my ears pierced twice and my cartilage but i rarely wear earrings, i cant live without my cell phone, i love the Gap, i have chubby hands, i wear a thumb ring on my left hand, i wear a watch on my right hand because i'm left handed, singing is my life, my favorite outfit is gap jeans with a black favorite tee and black boots, i like big hair, i'm a performer, i have panic attacks for no reason, i've had a hard life but i survived and am stronger because of it, i like to learn, i hate homework, i don't remember things that are important...it's only the little stuff i remember, i'm mormon, i love God, i shave my arms, the only book i've ever read without skipping a page is the first two Harry Potter books, i have big dreams, i'm a hoosier, i believe in love, i believe in myself, i am loved, i have straight teeth except for my bottom two teeth are crooked, i'm a hypochondriac, i won't tell a lie when someone asks me a question, i have a wonderful father, my mother taught me how to love and laugh, i'm loud, i love attention, my favorite color is yellow, i like makeup, i have expensive taste on a cheap budget, pictures are a vital part of remembering the past, i'm a diva in disguise, i'm tempermental, i'm insecure, i have too many shoes, i'm smart but i don't care if my grades say it, i like fall, i like to cuddle, RENT is my favorite musical, i'm messy and always have a lot of laundry, i need my friends, i'm emotional, i know how to cry and i show my feelings, i live and learn, i skipped class, i try not to gossip, i sometimes focus too much on other's feelings and not on my own, i get attached, i can live without anyone but i can't live alone, i love show tunes, i eat too much, i love milk, i love someone that i can't have....yet, i'm not a virgin but i refuse to have sex before marriage, i want to be loved for everything about me, i have a mole on my cheek, i have many scars, i don't paint my fingernails with colors, i like to smell good, i love candles...this is me, i love the good with the bad and when i don't love me, i'll read this and remind myself that i do love me and so does someone else...."
I have realized lately that I needed to remember who I am...where I've been and where I'm going. I wrote this when I was 19 or 20....which is funny because a LOT of things on this list are still true. Even some of things about the fact that I don't wear colors on my nails and that I shave my arms. Some are not the same, and that's a good thing. (ex: i don't say dude and wicked sweet, and I'm not messy anymore!) Some are not the same, and it's a bad thing! (i believe in myself...) The good news is that I loved myself then...but lately i've struggled to do that. I'm not sure why or what has changed so much that I stopped loving myself, but reading this made me smile. It made me remember. I have no reason NOT to love myself. I'm not saying that I loathe myself or anything, but I haven't truly felt at peace with myself for a while now. Months, even. I have good days, but overall, I've just been disappointed in myself. Not quite sure where that came from, but I'm sure it's from some disappointing things that have happened to me over the past year or so that just kept piling up. The great news....I am the only person who can decide to make a change. So now that I'm aware, I can make a conscious effort to fix this! The girl that wrote that description five years ago is still the woman who is writing this blog. And that girl...she was pretty cool. This woman....even cooler. So what the heck am I doing being down?! Get up, I tell ya! Get UP! haha.
Hope you enjoyed my epic "me" list. I know it was fun for me to read through.
Peace yo,
Courtney
No comments:
Post a Comment