As a child I always had a vivid imagination. I had imaginary friends and loved to dream about being famous and important. I've dropped the imaginary friends (that's my story and I'm sticking to it!) but I still have these dreams. My dreams now are different than before. I no longer dream of bright stage lights. I dream of a beautiful home, clean, and bright where the Spirit is felt from the moment you walk in the door. I dream of waking up and looking next to me....and seeing the man that agreed to put up with me FOREVER. I dream of a small, tight family where my kids play sports and know everyone. Our house is always the place where all my kids' friends want to go because it's so much fun. I have these dreams....and Heavenly Father is making me wait ever so patiently for them.
I gave my lesson tonight at Family Home Evening on priorities and on putting the kingdom and Heavenly Father first in all we do. I admit that I struggle to do that. I know the Gospel is true and I live by the commandments....but do I really trust God? I'm afraid I haven't been a good example of that. The great thing about Heavenly Father is he allows us to repent and progress and fix our mistakes. I am so grateful for that!!! I had a moment with Heavenly Father this morning....I told him that no matter what, I won't turn my back on him again. So I need to work on putting him first....and having faith. I try so hard to MAKE things the way I want them...but the reality of it all is that Heavenly Father has a plan for me...and that plan will happen whether I fight it or not. I do have my agency. But there are some things that I cannot control. Other people is one of those things.
I cannot wait to get out to Idaho. If I could move there tomorrow, I WOULD!!! But I can't...and I need to prepare and wrap things up on the homefront a bit. I don't think I have a clear understanding of my purpose and where I fit in his plan. Perhaps I hide behind humor....because on the inside I feel like I'm drowning a bit. I know it sounds melodramatic. Oddly enough, I'm a fairly upbeat and optimistic person. But when it comes to relationships......I'm a mess!!! One day I'll figure it all out.
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