Zen like state of mind.

Okay so maybe I'm not completely in a zen like state of mind, but I feel like I'm starting to discover something quite close to that. I've meditated before but lately I've been starting each day with a meditation and prayer (as well as some reading) and I can tell you that it is making a difference in my day.

Last night I took a walk along the canal downtown with a friend. We stopped at the opposite end to sit and talk. I'll admit our conversation wasn't exactly inspiring. I won't divulge his personal life on my blog but I will say that he said something to me and a wall went up. As soon as it did, I fell into an almost trance like state where I just sat, completely oblivious to him and any other noise around me and fell completely in awe of the water sparkling next to me. I watched as it danced like one of those pretty fireworks at 4th of July on the water. I wasn't upset. I was simply content. I thought how much I missed the city and how beautiful my surroundings were at that moment. I thanked God for allowing me the opportunity to be where I was at that very moment. I had no desire to speak. My thoughts continued to wonder and I allowed myself to feel completely peaceful. This has been happening more and more for me throughout my days and it is amazing. I'm not saying I'm some zen master but I am saying that my level of contentment with my life has definitely shifted. It continues to do so everyday.

One thing I am struggling with, however, is the fact that I am able to do whatever I want with my time. This kind of freedom makes me a bit nervous at times. I don't use an alarm clock to wake up and I am able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I don't think it is in our nature to wonder aimlessly in this life. We were given a purpose and we need to fulfill those purposes. By praying and meditating each morning, I have at least been able to gain some direction on what to do with my days. That is a good thing. I can choose to follow it or ignore it, of course. Free agency is scary. When you put our agency under the magnifying glass, it is interesting to think about how many choices we make in a day. When we have jobs or families to attend to, those give us reasons to make choices. I have neither of those that I am obliged to currently. I do have a jury at school that I need to prepare for, but other than that, I honestly have no obligations to anyone or anything than God. What an interesting feeling.

With that said, there is an orchard that has been calling my name. It is a beautiful day outside and I cannot wait to go partake in it's beauty!

xoxo
Court