All I can do is keep breathing

The title is one of my favorite lines to my favorite song. This past week has been a testament of that. I have been in a FABULOUS mood for the most part in the past few days. Things are going along well....it's been tiring and stressful at times but all in all, life is happening and I'm finally learning to just live moment to moment and just enjoy it! Breathe it all in!

So my boss walked out on Monday...no notice...just kind of looked at me and said "Um, I just don't think I can do this anymore" and around lunch time. I knew it was coming, I just didn't know when. So she's gone and it's pretty much back to normal. I'm running the show now...not officially but I'll be having that conversation with the big boss next week. I know what I want...and it's a matter of making a compromise to benefit us both. So please keep me in your prayers and I am able to get a good raise. I need it!!! I kind of deserve it to, I think! :)

Have you ever met someone that you can talk to for hours on end? I haven't had anyone in my life like that since....well I don't even know if I've ever had anyone in my life like that. I definitely haven't since becoming an adult. But a few weeks ago, someone pulled me aside and we had a nice chat. Then we talked on the phone for the first time....and two hours later, we found ourselves droopy eyed and fighting to stay awake so we finally got off the phone. The second time...three hours....and now, an hour and a half is the shortest conversation we've had. We talk about everything...the Gospel, love, life, relationships, cars, kitchens....and it's so great! So that's definitely been contributing to helping my mood stabilize through the chaos. It's nice to have someone that you can trust and pretty much tell them anything. Not only that, but to agree on opinions and seeing eye to eye...it's just fabulous! So I'm breathing that in right now and enjoying it while it lasts....

We are remodeling my office and I'm PUMPED about it! This weekend is when the ceramic tile is installed....I pray it's not a disaster and I can't wait to see the finished product. I'll take pictures for you!

PS. I love the Gospel.

-Court

Mother's Day

Today is always hit or miss with me. It's a day to reflect and celebrate our mothers. My mother is laid to rest in a small cemetery in Whitestown, Indiana. She died a little over 10 years ago. I think of her often. My mother was not a perfect woman, but her love for me was perfect and unconditional. She was a woman of many mistakes regarding finances...but she understood loyalty, compassion and how to be a nurturer. By definition of a mother, she was all I could have ever asked for. I never doubted her love for me and I never second guessed that I wasn't the most important thing to her in the world. I miss her laugh, her talks, her smile and her spirit but I am all the more grateful for my knowledge of the Gospel and of the eternal nature of the family. It is sad that my friends and future family will not know my mother in this life, but I have faith in the Lord that through His plan, we will all be together again in the life to come. I celebrate you, Mom. You have taught me a lot about how a great mom should be!

As I have been preparing to take out my endowments in the temple, I think often of my mother...for I will be able to do her work and help her progress along this journey with me. We always did everything together, so why not this?! I am so excited to go to the temple!! Church turned out to be a really great day and I really enjoyed the talks. They helped me keep perspective.

I know that families can be together forever...and that makes me very happy!

Mini Marathon 2008

It was an early, early morning today but an opportunity that really only comes along once a year. I am referring to working at a water station for the Mini Marathon (a 13.1 mile race). As a group, members from different wards come together, along with some great help from the missionaries and we encourage and pass out water to the runners/walkers. I saw so many people today...people who had trained and set a goal to finish this race. For whatever their reason, they were a source of inspiration to me!! I saw people of all sizes and shapes out there...determined to finish. The location of our station is prime as we see the runners twice...once at their first mile out and again when they only have one mile to go! It was incredible!! It's truly a rewarding and wonderful experience!!

Here are some pictures...they were taken on my camera phone so I'm sorry if they're not the greatest!

It's not the best picture but that that's my favorite place in the world! My home...good ol Indy!

They were identical twins!!! I think they were probably in the top 20 finishers.

You can't see it super well...but that is one of the leaders...imagine that, he's african. lol.

The sexiest car ever made....Chevrolet Corvette (official pace car of the 2008 Indy 500)

This is inspiration!!! This guy was the winner of the wheelchair.

Cups....lots and lots of cups!

This is a picture of the sea of people we handed out water to. We saw masses of people like this for two solid hours!!!

Happy Birthday to ME!

The past week has been pretty rockin and I'm happy to report that so far...24 suits me.

Yesterday was a blast and I loved pretty much every minute of it. I had to work...but only for a half day. All in all, it's all about talking to and spending time with the people you love. I love my family and friends and I got to talk to pretty much everyone...in some how or another. Modern technology really makes communication easy!! So thanks to all those who sent birthday wishes, whether it was through a phone call, text, facebook, or myspace message! I loved the different renditions of Happy Birthday that were sung to me. It's so cute to hear people sing to you!

This weekend has been so far...fantastic! I'm excited for church tomorrow...it's going to a busy day of cooking though. We are having a HUGE breakfast tomorrow at our place...and then a HUGE dinner at the church afterwards. Should be HUGE loads of FUN! I'm pretty excited about it. So that's a breif update...my dad told me that I should be getting my camera someday soon. I'm not holding my breath but when I do...WATCH OUT! I'm in love with taking pictures!!! So you'll start to see more pictures throughout the blog!

In the meantime, here are some pictures from my birthday dinner and surprise party last weekend. We had dinner at Sapporo's Japanese Steakhouse and then played around at Wal-Mart while people were showing up at the theatre for my surprise!! FUN!

Tag!

How To Play This Game of Tag....Post these rules on your blog.
Answer these 15 questions about yourself on your blog.
List:3 joys, 3 fears, 3 goals, 3 current obsessions/collections, 3 random/surprising facts
Tag five people at the end of your post by leaving their names .Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

3 joys:

1. The Gospel of Jesus...no seriously, it is the biggest joy in my life. I couldn't live without it.

2. A clean house....when my house is clean, I feel happier and better about life in general. You think that would motivate me to keep it clean all time no?

3. Cooking gourmet meals...I love to cut vegetables and create fun inventive dishes. I joy in making something ordinary and turning it into something healthy and different...and most importantly, delicious!


3 fears:

1. Never overcoming my panic disorder....I've dealt with it for 13 years....and i'm ready to be done!

2. Heights

3. Not living up to my own potential...I'm too hard on myself but I think my expectations are attainable.

3 goals:

1. To obtain a degree in Business Management

2. To fit into a size 8 by my 26th birthday.

3. To pay off all my debt.

3 obsessions/current collections:

1. Black eyeliner.

2. Organic food.

3. Water

3 random or suprising facts:

1. I'm left handed

2. I was gothic in 6th grade.

3. One of my favorite snack is pears with peanut butter.

Al templo

That's supposed to be my version of Spanish for "At the Temple"....but my Spanish is a bit lacking lately.

Yesterday was MAGNIFICENTLY beautiful (until it rained last night...and my sunroof was open...so not cool) and I loved it! One interested sidenote is that we had an earthquake the night before. I barely woke up because I felt like someone was shaking me...only to find out the next morning an earthquake woke me up! Um, RANDOM! I wish I would've woken all the way up though...I wanted to see what an earthquake was like! Oh well, better luck next time. HA!

So I took a half day at work, as normal, and instead of going to the doctor, I went to the temple to do baptisms. On the way down we got stuck in a mess of standstill traffic (I found out there was a grass fire??? Only in Indiana folks...) so we took a detour through some of the most goreous Indiana countryside. For all you westerners, yes you have mountains, but do you have GREEN? I LOVE the spring when everything is started to bud...when you drive by these huge pastures and there is purple flowers popping through the green grass. The detour was a very long and very windy road but it was breathtaking. I wanted to stick my head out the window and soak it all in, but I don't like to eat bugs, so I vetoed that option and stuck to looking out the window through from inside the car.

We finally arrived at the temple (an hour late) and caught the last 30 minutes or so of the session we were trying to participate in. There was another session after us that we were able to participate in as well. It was strange doing temple work with people I've never met before, but somehow it was all fine because we were all there for the same reason...to do the Lord's work. To baptize those who did not have an opportunity in this life so that they may have the same opportunities for exaltation that we have in this life. It is such an important work. So, as we were waiting on the next group, they started trickling in...it was later in the evening so I wasn't expecting to see youth there, but they came filing in, one after another. A little boy named Sterling (I LOVE THAT NAME!) gave the opening prayer. As soon as he started to utter his first words, I started to get all teary eyed! What is my problem!? Seriously, I cry at the drop of a hat and it's ridiculous! Just the thought of this little boy praying to God so lovingly, so eloquently, and so meaningfully (is that a word? eh, oh well) reminded me to be like a child unto Heavenly Father. It was a beautiful prayer. I love the Temple.

I'm getting closer and closer to the 24 mark and boy have I been doing a lot of reflection on my life and myself. Every morning is another opportunity to be better, another opportunity to enjoy life. There is so much to enjoy...friends, family, work, church..
So today is a busy day, my neice is turning five on the 23rd and today is her birthday party at my sister's house. I am excited to see my family, although bummed my dad won't be there (he is working the Grand Prix at Purdue this weekend....good luck with all the drunkenness dad! Go get em!). I am SUPER excited to see my sister, Jaime and my newest neice, Charleigh. She is like four months old now!!! Crazy!!! Tonight my dear friend Vic is taking me out, along with 3 other "couples" to dinner at my favorite Japanese Steakhouse for dinner and then going to watch a movie to celebrate my birthday a week or so early. That's okay, let's just celebrate all week!!! I'm totally game!

Let the celebrating begin! Ole! haha!

It's been a couple of days...

I don't think that men are pigs or liars anymore.....I told you it would be a momentary lapse of judgement.

Life is going along like greatness...just normal. That's all.

Oh, and I love lamp.

Oh, and I know that Joseph Smith was a pamphlet.

And I like to quote movies now.

The end.

Ranting in my singledom.

Men are shallow pigs and liars.

That's how I feel at this very moment. I'm sure I won't always feel this way, but it seems that there are no normal, decent guys out there. I really am not even the one who is being burned, I just see it all around me. Men who fall all over a girl just because they're hot. Men who date someone and talk to another girl behind their back (and I aint talkin about the "just talking" kind of talkin). Men who lie to you just to make you feel better but don't have the actions to back it up. Men who think with their penises instead of their brains. Why do we invest so much time in trying to be in relationships? Why do we always try to have companionship from the opposite sex? Right now I'm ranting, so I sound like a bitter, cynical woman...but seriously, what's the point!?

I enjoy being single to be honest. Yes, I would LOVE to be a wife and a mother....it's my dream. But I don't want to be the wife of an a-hole or a man who can't teach our children how to be good, decent, loving people. I've noticed as I'm getting older that my circle of friends becomes smaller and smaller, and I think it's because after a while, you just get tired of all the drama and crap that comes with trying to be "friends" with people who don't really fit you. I guess, too, I have been hurt so many times that I more and more keep people at an arm's length to avoid being hurt. Unfortunately, I am predisposed to be compassionate so I end up getting hurt and being used more often that I would like. Today I just got fed up with it. I'm sure in like 2 days everything will be back to normal and I'll go back to being a doormat but in the meantime, I'm taking a stand!!! HA!

So anyways...I'm exhausted and I'm going to bed.

I promise I'm not in a bad mood...I just needed to put that out there for the world to see.

-Court

General Conference Review

As general conference has once again ended, I am uplifted, inspired and awed. There were a LOT of great messages given during this conference but there were a few experiences that really touched me. One, obviously, was the sustaining of our new Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson, 16th President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. His wit, knowledge and spirit have always touched my heart and made me laugh and strive to do better and now, with assurity, I testify that he is called of God to preside over and lead this, the Church of Jesus Christ. He has been called to be a Prophet of God. I know this to be true because as I have listened and witness this process of the mantle being passed on, I have recieved a witness from the Spirit that this is the great work of our Father in Heaven and that Thomas S. Monson is indeed the Prophet chosen to lead and direct the affairs of the Lord's Kindgom here on earth. Yesterday as I witnessed each memeber be given the opportunity to stand, where ever they were in the world (even as I stood in my living room sitting at the laptop), to raise their right hand towards heaven in a sustaining vote, I felt the love of the Church here in my little apartment in Indianapolis. I love this Gospel.

Although I enjoyed all of the talks, there was one talk that touched me to my very core because I felt connected to her Spirit. In many ways, although I do not know her personally, as I grow older and hopefully have a family of my own, I strive to be like her. Sister Susan W. Tanner was released yesterday as the Young Women General President. Her talk was on what she "delights in". I find myself using the same phrase lately...that I "delight in" certain things. I add my list....although I will make it brief. Namely, I delight in the Gospel of the Jesus Christ. I delight in the restored Gospel. I delight in families and eternal life. I delight in my Savior and the gift of the atonement. I delight in miracles. I delight in continued revelation given from the Lord. I delight in the Good Word of God. And although I might struggle to say this, I delight in the trials and tribulations I have been given because they consistantly challenge me to work harder, be smarter, more righteous and more faithful. I delight in progression.

Over the years, I have grown to know and love Jesus Christ and his Gospel. I have come to know my Father in Heaven and hope that I continue to progress towards my eventual eternal life in His kingdom where I can dwell with Him again. I wish I could shout it from the rooftops and tell everyone I know that the Gospel is restored to it's fullness! There is more to this life than all the vain things of this world! GOD LIVES! He knows you and loves you! He wants you to be happy and have peace and knowledge. It is only through HIS restored Gospel that we can have ALL the knowledge that our Father in Heaven has and it is only through the restored Gospel can we have the keys and the opportunity to return to our Father in Heaven. ALL are saved and ressurected...but only the valient, chosen ones who dedicate their lives to the service of Jesus Christ and our Father in Heaven, through the restored Gospel, will obtain exaltation in the highest glory of Heaven that can be obtained. I know this to be true. I do not know this because someone told me to believe it. I know it because I have asked God myself. I have received a witness of it's truth. We can all receive this witness if we ask sincerely, with open eyes, ears and hearts.

I am grateful and optimistic for the future. I cannot believe that somehow, I managed to find this magnificent gift of the Lord's true and LIVING church on this earth. I am a part of it. We can all be a part of it. We can all know God if we desire to do so. I live my life the way I do because I choose to follow him...because through my life, I have not always done so...and I testify that by following him we can become happier, stronger, healthier, better human beings. We will be given the desires of our hearts...but when we are truly converted to the Gospel, our desires will adjust themselves to reflect the will of our Father in Heaven.

I delight in General Conference.

A Friday Alone With My Thoughts

I haven't been very good about keeping you updated lately....mainly because my laptop has been sick for about three weeks now and I miss it terribly...but I'm getting it fixed for free so I can't complain.
I started back into counseling today. I am seeing a doctoral student named Leah...she is under the supervision of my normal Psychiatrist, Dr. Hilgendorf, but she is MUCH cheaper!!! I have to get these panic attacks and anxiety under control once and for all. It's amazing how ONE thing can have such a huge impact on the rest of the things in your life. And there are two things that seem to put a black cloud on the rest of my life....first, my panic attacks and my anxiety, and second is my weight. I'm working very hard on both and I know that I will acheive my goals in life....some days it's just hard to see through all the mess in front of you.

I'm actually really excited about things right now. I'll be turning 24 in 20 days and excited to start getting school back on track. I've decided after a long hard time of thinking, praying, fasting etc that doing the online thing for school is what I feel the best about. The idea of becoming a student full time again and going to classes and spending all day in the library and blah blah blah just doesn't sit well with me. I never really enjoyed that in high school anyways...what does excite me is learning at my own pace (which tends to be much faster than others' sometimes) and sitting in my sweats after a hard, rewarding day at work and working on obtaining a degree in something that will benefit me. Music and cooking are abilities that I can expand on without going to college....however, business and all that jazz are things that would be beneficial to study and obtain a degree in. I believe, well actually I almost know that I'm working at Canal Overlook again for a reason...there was no coinsidence involved with me ending up back there. And truthfully, I enjoy it. It's hard work and a LOT of work...but it's challenging and rewarding.

I have some really exciting news to update you on as well!!! Long story short, after my mom died over 10 years ago, I completely lost touch with everyone in her family...and I have a HUGE family on my mom's side. I probably have 30 cousins that are all within 5-10 years of my age. We used to have these HUGE family get togethers for Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas on my Aunt Edith's farm in southern indiana and play together on the hay barrells and eat lots of yummy homemade food. For the past ten years I have missed them so much but never knew how to get in touch with them. Last fall, I found out that my mom's cousin, Penny, had passed away....although very sad, her obituary led me to some of my long lost relatives and I was able to locate their addresses and wrote them a letter. I recieved a Christmas Card from a great uncle and his wife and last week one of my cousins called!!!! I got together with her and her husband and daughter at the Children's Museum last night and spent some time with her. I also talked to her brother today on the phone. I am SO excited to start "re meeting" all of them and having them as a part of my life again. It's just like this void that has been there for the past decade is starting to be filled again! TOO AWESOME!
Okay, it's late and I should go to bed. I'll try to be better about keeping you posted...but in the meantime, peace OUT!

love,
court