The definition of insanity...

The definition of insanity has been described as doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

I think it's safe to say that I could be insane. I had a very minor setback tonight on closing the last chapter....allow me to continue.

"It's taken a while to figure this all out....to see how every thing has led itself up to this moment in time. I stood in the rain last night for about 15 minutes and just listened. I felt each rain drop touch my skin. I felt each drop of moisture frizz out my hair. I just felt it all. I broke down. I painted. I talked. I cried. Today I feel better. Tomorrow, who knows. But my hope is in the up and up. Time has healed my heart many times before....and time stops for no man....so I'm sure that time is on my side once again."

This is a quote from a blog entry in December of last year. I was suffering from being rejected. Do we see a pattern here? I would ask if we see a pattern developing, but I'm quite sure the that pattern has, in fact, been developed and has grown like some non-malignant tumor in my heart.

I keep thinking about the movie, "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days". Great movie, might I add (Matthew Mc..is on FIRE). I think the title of the last four years of my life would be, "How to be man's best friend, until he finds a girlfriend". Sadly enough, I'm comparing myself a little bit to the other "man's best friend". I'm loyal and obedient. Pretty pathetic, no? If a man wants a dog, then he can buy a dog. So what do I do wrong? There has to be something that I'm doing that is putting me in the friend zone and keeping me trapped there like a zoo animal.

As women, we see another woman and immediately start making lists of things in our heads about what she has that you don't and vice versa. She's skinner, you're funnier. She's smarter, you're more compassionate. Just these stupid pros and cons that make us look at ourselves with a fine toothed comb until we essentially loath ourselves because we feel like we'll never measure up. I don't think men do that....at least if they do, it's not nearly to the extent of women.

Our brains are so complex and detailed (sorry guys, but I don't know if yours really are that complex....but because ours are we over analyze everything you do to make it seem like a complex issue, when really it's not). We over think, over analyze, over evaluate, over do everything. Why? Where does it get us? Next stop....nowhere-ville.

So what's the new approach? How do you cure the insanity?

Should I just accept a life of singledom and stop worrying? Should I just stop looking and hope that I will find the love of my life in the spirit world with some strapping, single stripling warrior or something?

That's what I've got to say about that.