A Nurse's Trauma

I am more and more beginning to respect and admire nurses. I have a few friends who are in this profession and I listen to them talk about their jobs -- a man who codes after surgery, a gunshot victim, cleaning up the feces of elderly patients -- it's all in a day's work. They check the vitals, assist the doctors, run the floors...and they do it just as I crunch numbers and file papers at my own job.

Obviously, I have a closely tied link to death and loss. It's been a part of my life -- all of our lives really -- since my Papaw Smith died when I was two. From there, a long list of relatives have passed, as well as friends.

I ran into a girl, my age, who is in her last year of nursing school and is doing rotations in the ICU right now. I hadn't spoken to her in a long while. I casually asked how she was doing and she replied with an abnormal response. "Oh well, I'm fine. Just watched some perfectly normal, healthy 23 year old guy die on a table today. But other than that, I'm just fine." Yeah, she sounded fine all right. She sounded pretty shaken up was more like it. He was 23 years old, perfectly healthy, attractive and ran into the back of a dump truck on a cloudy afternoon. Two hours later....he died.

I just remember the look on her face as she was describing the details of her assisting the doctors. He was internally bleeding and then started losing blood through his mouth. Her eyes were wide and she just stared intently into space as she was reliving her last few hours by his bedside. She just kept saying, "He was my age. I just can't believe he was my age." I felt for her. Then, she made a comment that again, took me by surprise. "I really hope he knew Jesus, because if he didn't, then the worst part is I know where he went when he died."

As odd as this may sound, I have a feeling of comfort wash over me as I looked into her fear stricken gaze. I knew exactly where he was. And more so, I knew that he would still have a fighting chance at eternal happiness, regardless of how he lived this life. I knew that although our God is just, he is also merciful and has devised this miraculous plan so that we might have peace and faith in our futures, even our eternal ones.

I have had many promptings, many revelations about our post mortal life. Perhaps it is because of my close link to the spirit world. I have always known and felt the close presence of my mother. Not in a creepy way, but in a reassuring, loving way. I hear her laugh when I life, I see her smile when I smile. As I think about death, I can't help but to think about life. It is because of my knowledge of the Gospel and Christ's atonement that I am able to have this peace. It wasn't always something I understood, but it is something I sought to gain a knowledge of. I prayed, pondered, studied and listened.

I assured my acquaintance that I knew that this man, regardless of his mortal nature, has passed through to a place where he will still continue to have opportunities to know the Savior and to learn of His plan. He is not immediately damned. If that was the case, there wouldn't be much hope for any of us. The final judgement has not come and there is much work to be done before this day. But I can also say, I know that this day is coming. The signs are all around us. It is our responsibility to ensure that we have oil in our lamps and are found prepared at the day of His glorious return.

Life is short. Even if you live to be 101, life passes by in the blink of an eye. Treasure it. Relish in it. Live it. But remember that life is eternal...even if we are damned to outer darkness, we are eternal beings. I desire eternal happiness. I desire to have a family that is one eternal round. That is why I choose to live that life I do. That is why I pray and study and do my best to be obedient to the commandments God has given us.

We are never guaranteed a tomorrow. Wake up every day as if it were on purpose. (Okay, Okay, I stole that last one from "Hitch"...)