Season's Greetings!

It's the last day of Thanksgiving break. I can honestly say, almost guilt-ily (I doubt that is a word...), that I did, indeed, take a break this week. I watched a boat load of movies and food network, I did yoga a couple of times, I baked a ton, cooked Thanksgiving dinner for friends, slept...and I've looked at some of my school work but not that much. So now it's Sunday afternoon, and I'm attempting to relish in these last few quiet hours. The noise outside is picking up and the last three weeks of the semester will commence soon.

I got something yesterday that I haven't gotten in a long time and I'm super happy about it. A library card! I think that the library is a long lost treasure today. I'm not talking about the school library, which is equally as cool I know, but the public library. The Madison County library isn't really anything in particular to write home about (but I am writing about it on my blog...so I guess that counts for something) but the idea that I can go check out a book at no cost and enjoy it is a lost art in our society these days. We rely on the internet for everything. I am just as guilty as I tend to "google" everything! But I absolutely loved roaming around the library. It made my heart happy. It was quiet and neat and full of knowledge. I checked out three cookbooks (you're shocked, I know).

My health has been a little rocky lately and it has been a bit frustrating. Nothing life threatening, but definitely annoying and bothersome. Medication is not resolving the issue in a way that is suiting to me, so I am going to resort to something I've had in my back pocket. For the next few weeks (I'm not sure exactly how many yet...but at least two) I can only eat veggies, legumes, some dairy (although that is mainly limited to cheese), lean protein, and good fats. I have had for quite some time a condition called "Insulin Resistance". Essentially what this means is that my body does not know how to properly break down sugar correctly and is resistant to the effects of insulin. Those who are insulin resistant and allow it to go untreated can and most eventually develop type 2 diabetes. For someone who loves food (and carbs!) as much as I do, it is very difficult and expensive to do this diet, which is why I typically try to handle it in other ways, but what do I have to lose? At max, 6 weeks out of my life carbless isn't going to do anything but do good things for me. Luckily, due to my culinary knowledge, I am able to branch out and find good and interesting things to occupy my palette, but I know from past experience that it can be a challenge. I'm also choosing to do this through the holidays, but it really can't wait.

I'm looking forward to the next few weeks. They will still be busy and bustling but I can't believe that my fifth semester is almost done! I've started looking at graduate programs and have, as of right now, narrowed it down to the following schools -- Manhattan School of Music, Julliard, Indiana U., USC, Utah State (if they have a master's in my area by then) and Eastman School of Music at the University of Rochester. It's a beasty list....but I'm excited at the idea of grad school. Julliard's program is free which would be fantastic, and there are other schools in which I could hopefully find an assistanceship or something like that to help with the expense. Manhattan is my top school offering a three year, double masters degree in music and in the arts of education. This would be that after I graduate from there, I would have a two masters degrees and be able to teach K-12 if I so desired. My desire is to perform for a while as I'm teaching private voice, but then eventually end up as a professor or something of the sorts somewhere. That is plan "not married". Haha. So basically, that's the plan!

Well, I'm just rambling on about nothing that is too exciting. The snow has been around for a good week now and winter is settling in. Christmas time is here!! Allow me to share with you my FAVORITE christmas song....



Happy and Merry!

Five New Temples Announced

Please take the time to read this article.

Today is a GREAT day! I can't even tell you the amount of joy I feel that a temple will be built in my hometown.

Five New Temples Announced

Jazz and Friday Nights

TGIF. Don't you just love Fridays?!

Here's why I currently loved this Friday.

1. It's an absolutely beautiful day outside. No clouds. High 84. Low 40.

2. The Farmer's Market in fall. Need I say more? Authentic Italian homemade Foccacia bread and asiago cheese bread. Artisan sheep's milk cheese. Mmmm.....

3. Cleaning my room and organizing the drawers in my desk that had become a disarray.

4. The scent of my cinnamon plum candle. 

5. Jazz music. Lots and lots of jazz music.

6. Talking to Adam on the phone for the first time in a week!

7. Only two classes and no work. YES!

8. Tomorrow is the weekend. :)

Happy Friday to you!


Courtney

le Tutor

This semester I took a job as a music tutor for theory as well as diction for singers. I can say that I'm quite a bit busier than I ever expected to be, but I am really loving my job. It only pays $8/hr but I haven't had a job in so long that has been worthwhile or made consistent money that I'm THRILLED with $8/hr. 

My schedule has been nothing short of boring, so my apologies for my lack of posts lately (sidenote, I did spoil you rotten over my summer break. Sometimes, even two a day). School is in full swing, and my life has gone back to hectic schmectic.

Despite my busy schedule I can tell you that I feel more at easy with  my life everyday. Is everything in my life perfect? Heck no, tech-i-no. But for some reason, it doesn't matter anymore. I finally am starting to see that life is what you make it. Life is here to enjoy and do the Lord's work. It is here to live and be happy. For me in particular, my life is filled with all sorts of wonderful things. I have beautiful music surrounding me every day. I walk up and down the halls in the Snow Performing Arts building (aka my home away from home....I swear they need cots downstairs) and I hear a saxophone playing a jazzy melody, followed by a cellist bowing on the deep, rich and warm strings of their instrument, then to hear someone warming up their voice or rehearsing for the Opera. I hear the piano being pounded away. It is everywhere. I just love it. Then, I have my cozy and beautiful room to come home to. I have my little bed with my soft, white comforter and pictures of inspiring things and the family and friends that I love most dear surrounding me on my walls. I have reminders of all the things I adore in this world. I look out my window and to my left, there is a magnificent temple of God standing in miraculous awe. It is white and bright and absolutely stunning. Then to my right, the twinkling lights of the valley below. In the mornings, especially when there are no clouds, I can see the mountain ranges in the distance and you can see for miles and miles. 

Then there is my slight obsession with food. Not just any food though. I'm not talking twinkies and doughnuts here people. I'm talking about walking around the Rexburg Farmer's Market staring at the ears of corn, the beautiful fall harvest's selection of anything fruit or vegetable your little heart desires. One of my favorite places in the world is a beautiful, clean grocery store. I wish I had my own farm stand to pick fresh food from every day. I get my farm fresh chickens from the same guys every week. The banana bread that I made today actually melts a little in your mouth. The best part is that everything in it is good for you. Even the real sugar. :) 

Sure, school and tutoring are time consuming. I spend almost all week on campus from 10am-8 or 9pm every single day. But I've decided that those days are filled with learning and teaching; growing and progressing. 

I've been thinking a lot about marriage lately (no surprise I think about relationships. I'm a mormon....and I'm 26....a woman....and I go to BYU-"I DO"). My religion class this semester is "Preparing for Eternal Marriage". It's apparently a big enough commitment that it needs a its own class. I'm so looking forward to the day where I know that the person I'm seeing across from me on that alter is my best friend and the man who will stick by me. He will be my teammate in life. It's taken a little longer than I have hoped, but some of that is my own fault. I think I'm finally thinking about really, truly, allowing myself to hang on to the hope that someone is out there that is worthy of my love and I of his love.

So anywho, that is what has been on my mind tonight. 

I hope you're all well. :) 

Xoxo,

Courtney

Sabbath Tidings

In lieu of the Sabbath, please allow me to share a video with you.



I love the peace that following the Gospel brings into our life if we allow it to do so. It is so easy to get caught up in the world. It is so easy to be lazy and cavalier about life. It is so easy to be distracted by so much noise. I love this message. Props to AP for telling me about it so I can pass it on!

Happy Sabbath!

Courtney

First day of 15th grade!

Translated: First day of Junior year at BYUI.

It was rainy today.

That means great news for my wardrobe. I broke out my PINK RAIN BOOTS. Any excuse to wear these bad boys is a good one. So, anyone new who met me today learned something that most people figure out rather quickly anyways. I like the color pink. Between the pink boots, pink earrings, pink undershirt (I wore a gray dress with my jean jacket over it..pink under the dress), my pink phone and pink bookbag....yeah...I like pink.

Is it ironic that I never say pink is my favorite color? My favorite colors are actually purple and light blue. But pink seems to be the color that I find myself connecting to on a personal level more often than not. I guess it's what makes me...well, me!

What happened to dressing up on the first day of school? Does college not count? I think it should. My roommate Megan and I were discussing the fact that the world, working and students, are becoming more and more casual. Kids don't dress up for school pictures anymore or the first day of school it seems. Heck, back in the day (and that day would be when my parents were in school, so it was pretty far back there! Sorry Dad!), girls dressed up to go to school everyday! Skirts were common place and women looked like women. Little girls looked like little girls. Granted I am happy the men's basketball shorts are longer. (That fashion idea never made sense to me. I do not need to see your hairy thighs!!) No one even dresses up very fancy for weddings or church anymore. Casual used to be a button up shirt and some slacks or maybe jeans. Now, sweats and such are our go-to outfits far more than they should be.

I think we need to make a movement to bring fancy back.

(I'm bringing fancy back. YEAH.)

(Just sing that like J.T. would do. It's a lot funnier.)

Xoxo,

Courtney

Man...

it feels good to be a gangsta.

And it's great to be back in Rexburg.

It took me a couple of days to get excited but everyone is getting settled in and back into town. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside.

More to come soon.

xoxo,

Courtney

Why-o-ming.

Chinese myth? No. It's really a place. Once upon a time Wyoming was just a state on the map. I thought to myself, "Who lives in Wyoming?" Well, I guess a few people do. Mainly of the cowboy nature. I have now been to Wyoming and graced a few hotel/motel options here as well. Wyoming isn't so much of a mystery place to me nowadays. It's only a couple of hours away.

I always wondered what the difference between a "hotel" and "motel" was (other than the price) and I think I've come to a solid conclusion. My ever-so-generous brother in law who is a regular traveler for his job had some points racked up with Holiday Inn so I am writing to you from the comforts of my nice, quiet, dry bed. I throw dry in there for good reason. Motel 6 in Iowa City -- WET. The rooms were damp. I'm not exaggerating this in the slightest. It kind of blew my mind how everything was wet. (Allow me to flashback to one of my favorite scenes from "The Proposal" where they run into each other naked: "BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND! WHY ARE YOU WET??) Precisely my question indeed Motel 6! The floors, sheets, pillows...they all had a dampness. AP didn't believe me at first, but the next morning he even realized that everything was in fact, wet. I digress. (Got myself on a little tangent there...)
Last night we stayed at a Super8 Motel. The beds, comfortable. The service, adequate. Complimentary breakfast, carb city but they had one of those flip over waffle makers and some peanut butter and honey so I couldn't complain too much. I thought it was pretty decent (definitely overpriced though). Then we get to the Holiday Inn. The staff wears uniforms, the beds have wood furniture and towels big enough to cover your whole body. There is a business center, restaurant and bar and room service. There we go folks. Room service makes the difference. Uniforms and polite, friendly service makes a difference. I now know the difference between motel and hotel. I'm not sure if for one night's stay it would be worth the extra cash to stay in a hotel vs. a motel, but I do know that I would at least feel like I might be getting my money's worth at a hotel. I feel like most motels are kind of a rip off.
So tomorrow I'll be back in Rexburg. Ah, Rexburg, Idaho. I'm excited to see friends and to get back to some sort of normalcy and schedule. I still feel a little sad about leaving, but it wasn't as bad today as it was yesterday. Things are starting to feel good again. I will see mountains tomorrow. I'm thrilled about that.

This month is National Yoga Awareness month! I can tell you that I ♥ Yoga and I recommend it to everyone. It is not just a workout for the mind, but for the soul. That is definitely one of my favorite things about it. I always feel so energized and strong when I am done. Have you done your yoga? :)

There are FREE yoga classes being offered all month long at various gyms throughout the United States. Click the link to find out more! 

National Yoga Awareness Month

Namiste,

Courtney

Back to reality.

Indiana. Check.
Illinois. Check.
Iowa...almost check.

So the adventure begins again. I am currently sitting in my hotel room in a little town called Stuart, Iowa (just west of Des Moines). I would take pictures, but frankly, it all looks the same. The one cool thing about Iowa are the windmills. My pictures would scarcely do them justice. I just copied a picture from google that gives you a better idea. On the way out here, AP and I saw some windmill blades being transported on semi trucks. They are the biggest things I've ever seen.

Beautiful, no? 

Leaving Indiana was a different feeling than any other time before. Maybe it's because I started getting used to being "home" again. As we drove further and further away, I felt like a bit of my heart stayed there this time. It was my longest visit home since my venture out west, so perhaps it was expected to settle into my hometown's beautiful landscapes and warm feelings of family and friends. I miss everyone already. I'm looking forward to returning again for another visit. No matter where I go or what I experience in my life, Indianapolis will always been home. It will always be where I learned to walk, ride a bike, drive a car, get my first job, graduate from high school, where my family is, where my mother is buried, where I have experienced so many things. 

As I return back to Idaho, I do so with the excitement of seeing friends who have become near and dear to my heart. I do so with knowing that everyday I will get to hear and experience music. This break has once again given me time to reflect and re-adjust my perspective and my goals and desires for the semester. I have a few pictures from the break, but I really need a new camera. 

Here were some highlights (in no particular order I assure you):

• Going to Ohio to see my sister. "Tookies and Aunt Tortney"
• Spending the day with my Dad. I learn more from him and about him all the time. I love it.
• Seeing Hunter and Allyson sleeping every night when I came home. Hugging them whenever I wanted and seeing them on the first day of school. I can't imagine what I will feel when I have children of my own to love because I know how much I love them...
• Being able to spend time with Adam. The Mach 1, seeing (and hearing up close!) a drag car for the first time, MotoGP, late night redbox movies, Southeastway Park, Sailboats at Eagle Creek, The IMA and the baby deer with her mom, The urban garden downtown, Romeo and Ozzy, driving around on 31....the list goes on.
• Going hiking at Eagle Creek Park with Charles.
• Red Velvet Cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory. OH. MY. GOSH.
• Spending time with Chris and Jennifer.
• Seeing Tiffany, Lana, and Tammy. 
• Going to the cemetery to see my mom's grave for the first time in 12+ years.
• Sleeping in :)
• Reading Eat. Pray. Love. (which I finished on the drive today! Loved it!)
• Walking the canal. 

The list could go on and on, but those things stuck out in my mind. I'm sorry to all those that I didn't see. It isn't because I didn't want to or because you aren't important. Honestly, I sometimes feel like the time went by SO fast. No time at all and it was done. Back to reality I guess. 

Love,

Courtney

Hey Dad!

Today is my Dad's 61st Birthday. Happy Birthday Dad!

He is my biggest fan (and my 2nd biggest critic next to myself), he is my #1 supporter and I love him more than I'll ever be able to say.

Being so far away from my family is certainly the biggest downfall to living across the country.

Here are some fun facts about my Dad and some reasons why I love him so much!

• He was born in 1949 to Fredrick and Patricia Rosemeyer. 

• He will be retiring next year from the Indiana State Excise Police. He has been there since 1974!

• I'm convinced he has a bottomless pit of knowledge regarding sports. Any sport. Even curling. (Okay maybe not curling...but I wouldn't put it past him.)

• He owns more CD's and music than I will probably ever own or imagine to own. His favorite band is by far and wide The Beach Boys but he has a vast collection of many genres of music. (Hm, and his daughter studies music. Interesting.)

• He graduated from Ben Davis High School is 1967. I graduated from Ben Davis High School in 2002. (Side note, my mom also graduated from BDHS in 1967.)

• He grew up in the same house his entire life on Exeter Ave. in Indianapolis, Indiana. My grandparents were the original and sole owners. That house is still in my family to this very day.

• He is a pipe and cigar enthusiast although he doesn't smoke them anymore. (Thank you for that!)

• He has a large collection of beer steins. Homage to our German heritage.

• Upon entering my parent's house, one thing stands out....books. There are books everywhere. My dad has been a book lover for as long as I can remember. 99% of his books are nonfiction and are related to media, sports, or Indiana history.

• I would say his dream job would be to have a radio show. (And he tried to live vicariously through me when I had a radio show in high school. I tried to play Beach Boys as often as I could.)

• He is very smart. (Hence all the books!) 

• He will talk to anyone and isn't shy. (Apple doesn't fall far from that tree, does it?)

• Some say he can be a bit intimidating...it must be the cop thing :) 

Above all, he's been there for me through everything. He's never missed a concert or game (with exception of me moving to Idaho...but even still, he's made it to two concerts there!) He is the voice in my head always pushing me to better and be the best I can be. Even though I lived with my mom for most of my childhood until she passed away, he never missed an opportunity to be there for me.

I love you!

Lt. Michael L. Rosemeyer

Love always,

Courtney

Time.

Time.
To tell you the truth.
To burden your mouth for what you say.
No pieces of paper in the way.

'Cause I can't continue.
Pretending to choose.
These opposite sides on which we fall.
The loving you laters, if at all.

No right minds could wrong be, this many times.

My memory is cruel.
I'm queen of attention to details.
Defending intentions if he fails.

Until now, he told me her name.
It sounded familiar in a way.
I could of sworn I heard him say it ten thousand times...
oh, if only I had been listening.

Leave unsaid, unspoken.
Eyes wide shut, unopened.
You and me.
Always between the lines.

I thought I, thought I was ready to bleed.
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall.
Stand in the center of it all.

Too late, two choices, to stay or to leave.
Mine was so easy to uncover.
He'd already left with the other.
So I learned to listen through silence.

Leave unsaid, unspoken.

Eyes wide shut, unopened.

You and me.

Always between the lines.

I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say.

I talk until the conversation doesn't stay on.

Wait for me, I'm almost ready when he meant let go.

Leave unsaid, unspoken.

Eyes wide shut, unopened.

You and me.

Always between the lines.

Lyrics by: Sara Bareilles.

What would you like to forget?

One of my blogs so conveniently displayed on the right hand of your computer screen is called One Minute Writer. I basically like the idea that you should spend at least one minute a day to write something. She even gives you topics! So today's topic was something you would like to forget. What an interesting question. Does forgetting mean that something else would change? I'm not sure.

So here it is for today: I would like to forget how mad I was about 1 hour ago.

That's all I'll say about that. My one minute is up.

Your turn. What would you like to forget? Just take a minute.

As always...

Health and Happiness,

Courtney

I think I found one I like!

I think I found a design I like finally. Shout out to Matt for helping me fix some things that I didn't like. I have expanded my knowledge of html through this experience. Hooray for being technological saavy!

Xoxo,

Courtney

Cilantro Lime Shrimp w/ portabella mushrooms

I made this for the AP and I last night. It was good. It's another Courtney original. This dish was inspired by leftover cilantro and lime from a bean salad. I should probably share that recipe too someday.

Enjoy!


Ingredients:

Shrimp (cooked, peeled, and all that jazz)
3 medium portabellas (cut into strips)
A generous handful of chopped fresh cilantro (that's a handful AFTER chopping)
Lime juice (about half a lime's worth)
Salt
Pepper (be generous with the pepper..it adds a little heat to the meal)
A dash of lemon pepper seasoning
1/2 small white onion
EVOO

In a skillet on medium - med high heat, sweat out the chopped onion in some extra virgin olive oil until it's translucent but not brown. Add cut portabellas and add a little more EVOO. Let the mushrooms and onions cook down a bit. Season with salt, pepper, and lemon pepper. Add cilantro. Add shrimp. Squeeze lime juice into pan. If you get an watery-ness from adding the shrimp crank up the heat and let the excess water cook off. Cook all ingredients together for a bout 5 minutes or so and let the flavors all hang out together. Serve over brown rice!

If you try it, let me know how it went and what you think.


♥ xoxo ♥ Health and Happiness

Court

Just in time to leave.

Of course. I knew this would happen. Just when I am getting ready to go back to Idaho, I start getting comfortable in Indiana. Don't get me wrong. I am thrilled to see friends and get back to school because frankly, being a bum isn't my style for too long. All in all though, I am loving the fact I can see my babies (nieces and nephews) whenever I want. See my family in general whenever I want. Honestly, I feel like I wasted some time when I first got home. Did I? Maybe the time just went by too quickly.

Today was great. And by great, I really mean great! I got up before 10am which made me happy. I found a really great pair of running shoes at a great bargain!



They are basic shoes, but hey, gotta start somewhere! And these shoes are dedicated to running.

The bf (best friend) and I went on some rad adventures today. Okay, well nothing too spectacular but I did get to see a drag car go down the strip! The day was ended by watching the sunset at one of my favorite places in all of Indianapolis...Eagle Creek. There were so many sailboats out tonight!! It was incredible! I get lost in the water sometimes. I don't mean that literally, I mean that figuratively. I can stare at the water for what seems like hours and completely lose myself. I love having that so close by to take advantage of. I do love my Indiana home. There is no doubt about that. I still have two more years in Idaho and who knows what those two years will bring. I wish I could say I have my life planned out but if there is something I've learned from trying to plan my life, is that life simply cannot be planned. You can dream, you can aspire, and you can have goals, but at the end of the day, life is still moving along. Sometimes you have to roll with the punches.

To a totally different topic, I have made the decision to no longer eat red meat or pork. I think eventually I will make my way towards vegetarianism, but chicken and fish have lower cholesterol levels overall and are not as bad as red meat and pork. It will not be easy, but I feel that it will be very worth it.

♥ ♥ xoxo ♥ ♥ Court

If guys were like girls and vice versa.

Kind of finding these hilarious.




Here's the girl's version.

Flied Rice.

Let me start by saying that my least favorite thing about Idaho and Utah is their lack of good chinese food. Some house special lo mein is sometimes just what the doctor ordered but it is hard to find anywhere in Idaho or Utah that has any lo mein that is up to par.

Ah, but I am in Indiana. An abundance of cheap and great chinese food is nearly every mile. Fantastic! Last night, I ventured to the all encompassing Chinese buffet. A few questions arise from my experience there. Before I dive into that however, I thought I'd share that when I was little, I used to go to the China Buffet with my mom and we always went to the same one. I was obsessed with wonton soup and the little crunchy chinese noodles. So my mom would get the buffet, and I would get soup. The owners of the restaurant caught on and got to the point where they wouldn't even charge us for my soup. How nice :) (BTW, I think soup was my go to food as a child...soup with lots of crunchy things in it.)

So we ventured to the buffet. It was 9pm so it's always "risky", as Charles put it, to go to a buffet so late at night. The food has been sitting out for who knows how long. Everything looked fresh so we decided to jump in head first.

Question number one: Why do we need new plates EVERY time we go back to the buffet? I know it is for sanitary reasons, but what are those reasons? So I googled it. Of course. Google knows everything right? Okay, well actually, us smart humans know things that the Google search engine finds and Voila. Here's what I got: if you take a dirty plate back up to the buffet line, there is risk for you contaminating the food. Okay. Makes sense I guess.

Question number two: Did you know that french fries, fried zucchini, texas toast, and chicken nuggets are chinese food! They seem to be on every chinese buffet I go to and this one is no different. I enjoy the fact that I can get some beef and broccoli with a side of french fries. That's America folks.

So, that was my lovely night at the China Buffet. YUM.

PS. Ham should never be an ingredient in chinese food. Ever.

Pink.

I love the color pink. Obviously my blog is pink. I'm a girl and I took ballet classes for years so pink is just instilled in my very little girly soul. My phone is pink. My bookbag is pink. I have a LOVE PINK bag from Vicki's. My toes are normally pink. I wouldn't be opposed to driving a pink car. As I was skyping with a good friend last night, he looked behind me and said, "Is that a pink wall and hello kitty in the background?!" I showed him my niece's room (which is very pink) and he exclaimed, "What a perfect place for you to be staying in! It's pink! You love pink!" I do, in fact, love pink. So, I found this picture and it just about sums it up.



For the record, I also love purple. And blue.

♥ xoxo ♥ Court

Zen like state of mind.

Okay so maybe I'm not completely in a zen like state of mind, but I feel like I'm starting to discover something quite close to that. I've meditated before but lately I've been starting each day with a meditation and prayer (as well as some reading) and I can tell you that it is making a difference in my day.

Last night I took a walk along the canal downtown with a friend. We stopped at the opposite end to sit and talk. I'll admit our conversation wasn't exactly inspiring. I won't divulge his personal life on my blog but I will say that he said something to me and a wall went up. As soon as it did, I fell into an almost trance like state where I just sat, completely oblivious to him and any other noise around me and fell completely in awe of the water sparkling next to me. I watched as it danced like one of those pretty fireworks at 4th of July on the water. I wasn't upset. I was simply content. I thought how much I missed the city and how beautiful my surroundings were at that moment. I thanked God for allowing me the opportunity to be where I was at that very moment. I had no desire to speak. My thoughts continued to wonder and I allowed myself to feel completely peaceful. This has been happening more and more for me throughout my days and it is amazing. I'm not saying I'm some zen master but I am saying that my level of contentment with my life has definitely shifted. It continues to do so everyday.

One thing I am struggling with, however, is the fact that I am able to do whatever I want with my time. This kind of freedom makes me a bit nervous at times. I don't use an alarm clock to wake up and I am able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I don't think it is in our nature to wonder aimlessly in this life. We were given a purpose and we need to fulfill those purposes. By praying and meditating each morning, I have at least been able to gain some direction on what to do with my days. That is a good thing. I can choose to follow it or ignore it, of course. Free agency is scary. When you put our agency under the magnifying glass, it is interesting to think about how many choices we make in a day. When we have jobs or families to attend to, those give us reasons to make choices. I have neither of those that I am obliged to currently. I do have a jury at school that I need to prepare for, but other than that, I honestly have no obligations to anyone or anything than God. What an interesting feeling.

With that said, there is an orchard that has been calling my name. It is a beautiful day outside and I cannot wait to go partake in it's beauty!

xoxo
Court

Goat cheese.

I would like to publicly declare my love for goat cheese.

In particular, goat cheese infused with herbs.

I would like to thank the goat cheese for adding a refreshing flavor to my salad.

Once again. I ♥ goat cheese.

Not a cloud in the sky.

FINALLY.

There are no clouds today. It's not 95 degrees outside. I actually was able to lay out and read for an hour or so and get some sun. It was heaven.

Not to toot my own horn but I also got up this morning and started my morning with what should be a morning ritual of prayer and scripture study. I will admit I have been somewhat lacking in the consistency of this ritual. However, I am striving to find it a daily habit. When I have time off from busy-ness, namely school, I try to utilize that time to do a bit of self discovery and cleansing. It normally takes a couple of weeks of silly idleness on my part to do anything worth while to discover or re-dedicate myself, but I am finally finding my path again and my backdrop is my Indiana home.

There are so many things in this world that I want to do, but I think I'm finally on to the idea that it is not up to me all of the time. There are a lot of things that need to be done. Let me go out on a limb and say that I feel somehow there can be a universal balance between the two. As long as the universe and I can come to an understanding that what I want to do and what needs to be done can be mutually agreed upon.

I choose to follow the creeds and doctrines of Mormonism because in my life, they have stood the test of time and the truthfulness of their messages stand the test of time. My relationship with God and His universe have led me there. However, although I do have strong convictions regarding the truthfulness of my faith, I have complete and utter respect for others who are seeking a pure and happy walk with Our Creator the same as I am. I feel that they will be rewarded the same for their pursuits. I want to make myself clear in the fact that the reason I chose to be baptized into the LDS faith was because I received a distinct and clear revelation to do so after a sincere and heartfelt prayer. It is not an easy road, but it has been a journey that so far has led me to some of the most peaceful and spiritual experiences in my life. I know it will continue to do so. I used to live in a world full of worry and fear. Of course I still sometimes worry, and I also sometimes fear, but there is so much LESS worry and so much MORE faith and hope than ever before present in my life.

Today I sat outside soaking up the sun (and vitamin D! Hooray for nutrients!) and listened to nature. I was reading a book and enjoying that too, but just to be outside in the world. I would stop reading for a few moments and look around and my whole body was still. My mind was still. Unfortunately, it can take a lot of time and practice alone to learn how to still your mind, but I have found that it can transcend into my everyday life. My mind, although thinking and processing, is maintaining a sense of stillness. It's a truly beautiful thing.

I could keep going on about how I loved watching the blades of grass and admiring their shapes and gorgeous green colors. I could go on about how perfectly blue the sky is and how the tree line contrasted against them in their majesty. The closest feeling I could describe it with would be how I feel when I'm sitting in the celestial room of the temple.

What would we do if we were not governed by time and to do lists? What would be achieve if we were able to engage ourselves in our truest and most honest desires of our souls? Would this world transform into do-gooders? Would we swallow all fear? Would we live in grass huts or mansions? Who is to say that we can't try this in our lives now? Who is forcing us to do things we don't feel are within our natures? What is one word that can describe us? One word that's definition is all encompassing of ourselves?

It's a lot to think about. It's great material for mediation.

So I'll go back to that now.

Oh and have you ever peeled a blueberry and looked at it? Try it.

Rain, rain go away.

Spending a Saturday poolside (and by poolside, I mean a 3 feet deep kiddie pool in my sister's backyard). But I love it.

Heading back to Indiana tomorrow from the O-H-I-O.

I'm currently reading Eat.Pray.Love. right now and I just finished the "eat"ing section. So far, I love it. It is so inspiring and so up my alley. I want to finish the book before I go see the movie but the movie came out this weekend so I need to get crack-a-lackin' on this book. I still have to read about India and Indonesia. I'll have time tomorrow on the drive back. Does reading make anyone else a sleepyhead? I swear I can't read a book without falling asleep.

I'm also currently entertained by my 2.5 year old niece Charleigh as she eats her strawberries and chicken nuggets. She's hilarious. Gotta love kiddies. She calles me "Aunt Tortney".

Inspiration.

This is my background on my desktop now. It incorporates just a few of the things that I love and inspire me. Dance. Music. Exercise. Yoga.

Om....

GORGEOUS bedroom.

A beautiful kitchen.

My favorite magazine! Seriously. You should see my face when I see the new issue on the stand at the grocery store. I'm like a little kid who just farted for the first time.

Journal Obsessed.

I think I want to start collecting journals. I'm slightly obsessed with them. And I promise I'll write in every one!

A little dose of motherhood and countryside.

While I'm back home in Indiana for a few weeks, I'm staying with my oldest sister and her family. She has two kids: Allyson (Ally) who is 7 and is in 2nd grade and Hunter, 5, and starting his first day of kindergarten in the morning! My sister also woke up this morning with a fever of 101.9 and swollen glands and a very sore throat. Doc says it's strep. A couple of weeks ago, I watched the kids during the day and got a taste of what it's like to cater to their every whim. There is a selflessness that comes with taking care of children. It certainly takes patience. Tonight, I picked them up from the babysitter's, gave them a snack, did homework with Ally, made dinner, gave the kids a bath, and put them to bed. It definitely has it's moments for sure, but I can see why mom's love their kids so much. Mother's are so important.

Jennifer's doctor is out in a little town called New Palestine, Indiana. As I was driving her there, we were driving past all of the fields of corn and I remembered how much I love Indiana. I love the country in general. Who would have thought that me, a little suburb girl, would have fallen in love with the idea of a house with a wrap around porch in the middle of the country? Who would have thought that I would dream of gardening gloves and fresh vegetables, four wheelers, and living where it's quiet and peaceful. I love the hustle and bustle of the city as well, but I have realized that I sleep better and breathe easier when I'm out in the country. Maybe that's a personal metaphor. From the outside it looks like bright lights and fast paced, but on the inside, when you really truly understand me, it's fields and star filled skies - perfectly quiet and peaceful. There is one other place I've been that I would probably want to live just as much as an Indiana countryside, and that is in the mountains of Idaho. My friend Charlie's house is one of the most amazing houses I've ever seen. It sits up in a mountain side. There are more stars in the sky than you'll ever see anywhere else. It's almost like you can reach out and touch them. They have a huge garage for projects, a giant garden, a root garden for potatoes, carrots and whatever other root vegetables tickle your fancy. Not to mention space. And the kitchen window is a perfect picture of the mountains across the way. It's fabulous. Simply fantastic.

Perhaps I should stop dreaming and focus on the here and now but let's be honest, it's fun to dream! I will have my dream someday.

What are your dreams?

xoxo Court

Shop it.

I might have an addiction to shopping.

I said might.

Luckily I have no credit cards in my possession. If I did, it could be a dangerous situation. You see, for quite a few years, I was too fat to wear anything cute at the stores that I liked the most. When you wear a size 20 and XXL, it's not the easiest. But now, I am in a L/XL top and 13/14 pants! I would still like to get down to my goal size which is an 8 (but let's be honest, I'd be thrilled in a 10). Anywho, I love to buy clothes now. I still don't always love the way I look in everything, but it's a definite improvement!

So, I think I get this habit honestly. From my father. He's quite the shopper himself. He has 34 pairs of shoes! I counted! Well, the other day as a some father/daughter bonding, we went up to the mall on the north side of Indy. It's a pretty fancy little mall. They have an Anthropologie store and I FELL IN LOVE. I bought two journals (because I'm slightly obsessed with journals) and I'm currently using this one.



I wish I could show you the inside because it is just my absolute favorite thing ever! There are five pages per day. There is a doodle page, a couple of pages for notes, etc. and there is even a money tracking page! Not to mention, a to-do list page. Seriously, so. much. fun. Not to mention there are stickers in the back!! Who doesn't love stickers?! (Yes, I'm 26 and I still love stickers.)

I also purchased this journal/book which I enjoy very much as well.



The front covers do neither of these books justice, but if you're in an Anthropologie store or you run across them, look at them. They are both very different but so unique and beautiful.

I finally broke down and bought a couple pairs of shorts and capris. I can't wear them on campus so I sometimes can't justify buying them, but my sister threatened to cut off my jeans. What's a girl to do?!

Happy shopping :)


Peace and health.

Court

Prop 8 and Marriage.

I promise I try to avoid political ramblings as much as possible, but see as it is thunderstorming like crazy outside and I don't really have anything better to do with my time, I think I'll talk a minute to share my opinion.

First thing first, I hope not offend anyone. Secondly, my opinion has nothing to do with the fact I'm Mormon. Although my knowledge of the Bible and other things have shaped my thoughts. I digress.

I'm not really sure how I feel about all of this "unconstitutional" business. I'm so tired of people fighting about it. First of all, being gay is starting to become a fad. For some people, it's legit and that's how they feel most comfortable living their lives. For others, it's just something to do. Even the gay community, I'm sure, can agree. But instead of legalizing gay "marriage" and allow them the same "rights" as married couples, why can't we legalize civil unions for gays and allow them to be in a civil union under the State. But marriage is an act performed before God. It is a covenant with God. And if you're telling me that God accepts homosexual behavior (mind you homosexuality is a personality trait, it is NOT a race) than simply put, it's wrong. God is a loving God, but He also hates sin. ANY sin. Homosexual behavior is a sin, as is every other type of behavior associated with sex before marriage. The thing that bothers me, is in reality, homosexual lifestyles are against the nature of the human race. There are so many studies that show that homosexuality runs in families and that there are certain environmental triggers that can push someone who might be "on the fence" with homosexual behaviors running to the other side. I'm not saying I hate anyone who is gay or have any problem with them living their lives. What I do disagree with is the fact that gays want to be treated like there is nothing different about them. The fact is, that's just not true. It is not "normal" to have sex with someone of the same sex. If it was, then the parts would fit where they are supposed to. It's not like homosexuality just came into existence. It has been around for a long time, but it was looked down upon because it is morally wrong and was not normal. It is still morally wrong and not normal. I understand that many homosexuals feel they are born that way and that they have no control over how they feel, and that is fine with me, but that doesn't mean they should be an exception to the rule. If you're born blind, you're not going to live the same life as someone who has their sight. Should we allow them driver's licenses because the seeing people can drive?! Certainly not. I'm tired of the gay community wanting "special" rights to be like everyone else. If you have to get "special" exceptions, then that's a red flag that it's not what is in our innate nature as human beings.
The gay community is a faction. That is really what it boils down to. If you study politics and understand the beginning of the constitution and how factions were part of the reason we MADE a constitution, you would see that our nation was founded on Christian principles and the freedom of religion. Most of our forefathers would turn over in their graves if they saw they way we handle situations now. The men who were considered liberals were those who thought we shouldn't be under the rule of king and that business should be handled in a different manner. They weren't men who wanted to abuse and pervert the human family. They were men who went to Church every Sunday and most of them all practiced similar religions. Most were protestant.

I know I might get a lot of flack for my beliefs, and I don't hate anyone for the way they live their lives. I just wish people would stop trying to ask for special rights because they are different. We all have to adapt to our differences. I can try to pee standing up, but that doesn't mean it's right or should be accepted by everyone. I'm a woman. I pee sitting down.

Being me.

Oh hello. It has been quite some time. I'm pretty sure I start every entry off in this manner nowadays.

I'm back in Indiana for a few weeks as I am on a break from school. You know what I have decided? I'm not sure what my purpose is with this blog. Do I want to use it for blabbing on about my life, or do I want to discuss things that I don't understand or things that are important to me? Or can I do both? Either way, when I have a break from school it seems that I find myself trying to regroup and get back to who I want to be and on that list, I would like to say that I am a good writer. However, in order to do so, I should probably write.

Alas. I write.

As previously mentioned, I am back in my home state. Hoosier country. Can I be blunt? I was looking forward to coming home until my hair started to frizz and I realized that Rexburg had somehow captured a place in my heart. I often feel so torn when I come home. This time is no different. And I still cannot decide how I feel about one place or the other. So until I figure that out, I shall remain confused.

It is nice to be with family and it is nice to see old friends and play around in the city a bit. I babysat Allyson and Hunter last week for a few days. Holy selflessness batman. That's probably the biggest dose of motherhood I have ever had and I must say, wow. I commend all mothers out there. Especially single mothers or mothers who have husbands who are away a lot. I'm staying with my sister, Jennifer while I'm in town. Jen and I have never been super tight so I'm glad to have the chance to stay here. She's nine years older than me and unlike Jaime and I, we were never forced to bond. Jaime and I shared a room growing up at my dad's house when I would come over to visit, so inevitably, we became close as time went on. The kids are at day care all day, and Jen and Chris are at work, so I'm just all by my lonesome until I find some sort of shennanigans to get myself into. The weather has been less than desirable for tanning purposes, but I'll deal with it.

Over the past few weeks/months I have been inconsistent with my desire to be more healthy. It comes and goes and I teeter-totter back and forth. There are so many aspects of my life that are working in the direction I want them to, yet I still struggle with this one area. I constantly push myself to be better, as I believe we all should, yet sometimes I have to accept defeat and start over again the next day. I know we all do it. Have you ever wanted something so bad but you feel no matter what you do, it's out of reach? Now, I'm not saying that I'm giving up on anything, but man oh man, I have my work cut out for me.

I feel like I'm very diverse in my topic choices today. So I apologize for that. :)

I sang last night for the first time since school. I performed up at Morty's Comedy Club on the north side of Indy. Got 2nd place in a talent competition. I was beat by an old man in a wheelchair doing "sit down" comedy. My dad reminded me that someone in a wheelchair isn't really capable of stand-up comedy. It made me laugh. He was a funny old man, that's for sure. And I definitely am not in the Mormon bubble anymore. HA! I heard more swear words last night in 2 hours than I've heard in the last 1.5 years. One aspect of my life that I'm happy to be grounded in is music. It just fits.

Which reminds me, if you haven't seen it on facebook or youtube, I competed in a campus wide singing competition at school and I WON. Here is a video of my last performance. Enjoy! :)



Peace and happiness to you all. ♥
Court

Oh-pera.

Saturday morning. 9:12am.
Opera Rehearsal.
Undecided feelings.

You look like him.

There is a boy here on campus that I've become well acquainted with this semester that one day looked eerily familiar. Now every time I see him, I see a little bit of you. I don't know what to make of it or what to think of it. I just know that your blue eyes could look straight through me and I sometimes think his do too.

I miss your blue eyes.

Anthony Fordyce was my first real boyfriend and also my first "I love you". He was a first a lot of things. He was my first real kiss. My first real date. My first fight. My first break up. We barely talked through high school after we had broken up. Then one day, out of the blue, three years after we had left high school, his voice was on the other end of my home phone. We became good friends again and he even lived with me for a while (just as a roommate....but I'd be lying if the idea of more never crossed my mind). In October of 2008, Anthony was found dead in his apartment from an overdose on pain killers. I will never forget that day. His life was cut short all too soon. Now, I see him everytime I look at this guy at school and I just don't know what to do with it. I was just thinking about it though....and I needed to get that out in the air.

ProClean Services of Rexburg

Guess what? I finally put in some grunt work and started my own little business. I've been trying to figure out a way to do my own business for a while now and finally I thought " Hm....everyone who goes to school here has to have clean checks...not to mention people just don't like to clean...sooooo" Vòila! ProClean Services of Rexburg has been born. I have done some decent marketing and hope that it pays off. I'll give you a little scoop of some of my marking flyers so you can see! I made them myself! So, if you know anyone in the Rexburg area who needs some cleaning, let me know!

Being sick cramps my style.

Although being sick does give me some time to catch up on my blog.

This semester is nothing short of CRAZY. I'm taking 16 credits, participating in the Opera, volunteering as a peer facilitator for life skills workshop series, and am mentoring a student for the Heber J. Grant scholarship program. Oh, and I'm still trying to find a job. Ha! I'm trying to get a job on campus with the music department, so at least it would be close to home and related to something I'm doing.

Despite my best efforts of getting enough sleep, taking a vitamin everyday, exercising, and eating healthy, my body decided to be sick. So, I slept in this morning, got some collodial silver at the recommendation of my vocal coach, drank a warm cup of herbal echinecha tea and made myself a smoothie. Don't worry, I put a link to the recipe for you.

So needless to say, I've been a busy girl. I also had a birthday a couple of weeks ago. Twenty-six. I'm still not sure how I feel about it. I'm okay with my age, but often times I forget that I am so much older (and of course, wiser) than most of my peers. I'm still crazy silly me, but with a little bit less.....something. I'm not really sure what that something is other than the fact that I think I've actually grown up a little bit and started taking some responsibility for myself nowadays.

My camera is broken so unfortunately, I don't have a lot of exciting pictures to post. I have a camera phone, but that's kind of lame. I have a camera on my computer, but mainly I just take little headshots of myself. :) I have a Mac now and I'm in love with it. Seriously, seriously in love with it. I guess for your entertainment, I will post some recent silly shots of myself. The first one obviously isn't silly....but I thought it was necessary so you remember that I don't look like a headless or crazy maniac.








Health and Happiness to all :)

Court

New Recipe Up at Naturally Good!

http://naturallygoodbycourtney.blogspot.com/

Smoothie Recipe

Mother's Day

You were there for me when I could be there for myself.
You understood every angle, every cry, every laugh.
You knew my smile and every feature of my face.
You knew me before I knew me.
You loved me more than I could ever give you credit for,
And even in your death I understand that no one can ever replace your love.
You taught me about life and you taught me about laughter.
You brushed my hair ever so gently.
I smile and laugh just the same as you.
When I look at your pictures frozen in time, I can almost hear your voice.
I know I can hear your laugh. I can see your beautiful face.
Thank you for giving me a life I never knew I could have.
You're never gone forever. You allowed me to move on and be happy despite your absence.
You were and forever will by my mother.
You're never forgotten, never forsaken and never taken for granted.
Happy Mother's Day.
I'll see you someday.


---------------


Thirteen years have gone by and even though I still cry at least once every Mother's Day, but they have become softer tears and sometimes even joyful tears. God has a plan and I trust in it. I could ask why for the rest of my life, but sometimes we cannot become who we want to be without a push or something to challenge us to our very core. I have fought and battled and I am happy to say that I am each day becoming a better, stronger, happier woman. I am, no doubt, someone that my mother (and my father) can be proud of. Together they have taught me many things. My mother instilled in me the ability to show unconditional love and my father the inept ability to get up every day and do my best. I'd say I'm very fortunate. Despite her death, I have been able to feel my mother's love carry on. Soon she will finally have a marker on her grave; this, the one thing I have wanted to do for her for thirteen years. No longer will her final resting place be a lonely plot without a name. Anyone who walks by her will know that she is there, and that she was a loving mother. Her posterity can find her and through my life and stories, be able to know the ancestor they might have never known otherwise.

I look forward to being a mother someday. I look forward to teaching and watching my own creation grow and learn and hopefully make this world a more peaceful and beautiful place. (Now, the husband finding part.....that's another journal entry!)

To all the mothers out there, don't forget how important you are. Your children might not even know where to begin in understanding your importance, but I assure you, someday they will and that is all that really matters.

I love you, Mom.

Opera this, opera that.

So sometimes I get a little frustrated. I remember my first semester at Indiana University...surrounded by divas who couldn't get enough of themselves. Surrounded by guys and girls who wouldn't stop talking about who they studied with and how awesome they are.

In high school, it is safe to say that EVERYONE knew that I sang. Everyone. I also was probably a little more open about it and not afraid to go after I want. I've become a lot less aggressive as a person overall, so I stay under the radar a little bit.

I was super bummed about the fact that I was accepted into Kris Ceiseinski's studio...only to find out that she doesn't have room for me. However, the more I move up in my education, the more I realize that I need to maintain a quiet confidence. I have no desire to be a diva. I'd rather be respected, loved and admired for other things. I was excited to come to a school where I thought that people would be less diva-ish. Well, I've discovered that is not always the case. Still lots of divas. It's kind of annoying.

There are just so many things about being surrounded by Mormons, or people who were raised Mormon....there are just so many things that make me laugh.

Anywho...that's my little tangent. Off to piano class. Ugh.

Semester done? Check!!

Wow guys. So many great things to tell you about! I don't have tons of time to be writing today, but I wanted to keep you 3 people who read this informed.

First thing first, I'm done with school for another semester!!! Yay for Spring Break!! WHOO!! (Oh and by the way, before I forget I want to mention that I'm typing this little diddy on my new MAC!!! I finally am a Mac owner :) After years of Mac envy, I have one of my very own!! It's a used one, but I don't care! It's great!!! And I got it for a LOT cheaper than a new one would have cost me!) Now that I have that exciting news out of the way....

The semester finished up pretty well over all, minus one little bump of having to retake one class next semester, but oh well. If you fall off the horse, you get up and try, try again, right? But other than that, I'm pulling out solid A's and B's like a good student. I don't know if straight A's will ever be in my future. As long as I pull out solid A's and B's every semester, I can deal. Next semester is going to be INSANE!!!! Seriously, insane in the membrane for sure. But I'm still pumped about it. I'm taking 17 credits, volunteering as a mentor for the Heber J. Grant scholarship program, teaching a life skills workshop, and starting a business!! Crazy huh? I love it.

I am going home to Indiana on Monday for the week. I couldn't be more thrilled about it. I miss my family and friends. I'm so excited to see my Daddy!! And Adam!! And well, just everyone!!

Today is also a special day because one of my dear friends, Breanna, is getting married today! Another one bites the dust. If you're wanting to get married in the next year or so, just become best friends with me. It seems to work! Haha. On a serious note, I am so incredibly happy for her. I think of all of my friends and the weddings I have been able to witness and the special occasions I have been able to be a part of and I feel so very blessed. Due to geography, I haven't been able to witness the births of some of my favorite babies in person, but I love them all so much! I really feel like I need to be better about building relationships with them. I think of my mom and her best friends, some of which are still a part of my life today, and it is so enriching for me. It gives me an opportunity to learn more about my mom that I would never know otherwise. I am so excited to see my friends and their families grow. I am so excited to see where life takes each of us. But I'm just excited to live each day and see what that has to offer as well.

Okay, so anywho, I have some things to finish up.

Love and health,

Courtney

Today...

was not a day in which I accomplished much.

Let's try again tomorrow, shall we?

Registration

In order to register for one class you have to go to like five different screens.

But then there is a button that says "drop all classes and withdraw from school".

Well, it's a lot easier to do that than to register. Are they trying to send subliminal messages?

Don't worry...I'll go through the million screens to register.

But still, food for thought. hehe.

Fishbowl

So I should be looking over my music for my voice lesson that is in 30 minutes, but instead, I figured I needed to update you folks on my oh-so-lovely life.
When is the last time I even updated you? Oh...probably right after Adam and I started talking again. We're still best friends and it's great. He finally has a JOB again!! Congrats Adam! So proud of him :)

So....hm....what's been happening in the world of me? Well, it's been busy, that's for certain. Life is......really great!!! Opera Scenes just finished this past weekend and it was a blast. My favorite part? Teasing my hair a good 6" tall for our MacBeth scenes where I was a witch. It was fantastic. I have a shocking revelation for you. I actually like opera. Better yet, I'm considering actually having a career in it. I was shocked with myself. Who would have thought that I would start to love something after so many years of being so against it!? Next semester I will be *hopefully* studying with Kristine Ciesenski. (Check her out here: ) Her and her husband starting teaching as part time faculty here at BYUI a few years back. She is quite intense and quite intimidating. I figure that she will either make or break me as to whether or not I want to pursue a master's degree in Vocal Performance or if I want to go down another path (perhaps the musical theatre path) for grad school.

School has been going really well this semester. I think it's safe to say that I'm developing into a pretty good little student. There are still areas of improvement to be made, of course, but I do my homework and go to class almost all the time!! Yay me! I made a big decision this week to go on the fast grad program which will make my graduation in December of NEXT YEAR!!!! That means less than two years and I'll have a bachelor's degree! I'm pretty set on this goal...so it will have to take something major to distract me from it now. I'm just so excited to continue growing and learning. I see little improvements in things and have really grown as a musician over the last year.

Also, for the first time in my LIFE, I have been making financial strides and have paid off some major things. It's been so great. I have to say that it hasn't been completely on my own, as I've had some assistance from someone in some areas, but it has been a HUGE blessing to feel financially more secure than I think I ever have since I've been on my own. I'm grateful for PELL GRANTS!!! haha.

There have been other things here and there that have contributed to my pleasant feeling about life, such as having a boyfriend, even despite the fact we are no longer together, we are still friends and he does make me feel really great about myself....it's just too difficult to maintain a long distance relationship and things weren't adding up just right.

I've started to gain a love for flowers in my hair and DownEast clothing.

Well, I need to at least look at my music before I go to my lesson.

Love to you!♥ ♥

Thursday Weigh Ins: Week 1

Drum roll please!!!!

Here are the results after week one:

Weight: 195

Hip: 45 in
Waist: 44 in
Bust: 44 in

Here are last week's numbers:

Weight: 196 lbs

Hips: 46 in
Waist: 45 in
Bust: 45 in

WHOO HOO!! I only lost 1 (maybe two...my scale isn't the most precise...) pounds but my I've lost an inch EVERYWHERE else!!! That is crazy!

I've really fallen in love with the Yoga workout and I do it daily (with Sunday as my literal day of rest). I've done the Boot Camp workout once and I did enjoy it. As long as I'm doing one or the other, it doesn't really matter.

Health and Happiness!

Courtney

Biggest Loser Workouts

So today is day one of my new exercise program. I purchased Biggest Loser Bootcamp and Biggest Loser Yoga for Weightloss workout DVD's yesterday. I must say....I got my butt kicked during the yoga workout but it felt AMAZING afterwards. Anywho...I'll keep you posted. I need to start keeping better track again. I'll be 26 in 3 months (omg....) and I would like to weigh 180 by my birthday.

SO.....Thursdays are going to be weekly weigh in days.

Current weight: 196 lbs

Hips: 46 in
Waist: 45 in
Bust: 45 in


Now, considering I weighed 255 lbs two years ago, I'm very happy thus far; however, now is phase two.

Good luck to me! haha.

Oh Heyyyyy

I must say I have a talent for marrying off best friends. If you want to get married, just be my best friend! LOL. Congrats to Breanna!!! She's getting married! Whoo! It's going to be interesting trying to help plan a wedding in Ohio from Idaho....hm....but I'm excited for her! How fun! I've never seen a temple sealing before so it will be a really cool experience.

Speaking of best friends, I have mine back now:) I'm very blessed to be able to call a few people my best friends. It's a long story that I won't go into details about, but Adam and I didn't speak for two weeks to figure some stuff out. It's been figured out, and we're back to normal. Thank goodness!

I am going to be performing in a Broadway Revue show here on campus next weekend. I am PUMPED UP about it! I get to belt out and be on stage. YESSSSSSS!! Hm...what am I going to wear!? Belting makes me happy. It doesn't make my voice teacher happy, but it makes ME happy! Ha!

I bought some new workout videos from the Biggest Loser...I'm excited to try them. I'll let you know what I think. (I'll probably post that on my other blog though...so you should be reading that too! haha)

Okay, I'm a sleepy girl. Off to bed I go.

What happened yesterday?

Oh man. Lemme tell ya. Yesterday was an emotional day! It started Thursday night and just rolled it's emotional back on over to Friday for me to enjoy. I think my "Perfectly Lonely" bug got lost and thought it was the "You're going to be alone forever and everyone important in your life leaves you anyways...." bug. Okay, fine. Yes. I'm a tad overdramatic sometimes; however, it was a valid thought so I can justify my behavior. I'm just glad it didn't tidal wave out to where I talked to too many people because mostly, it was just silly. However, I would like to share some of what I experienced yesterday, because I know I can't be completely alone in this endeavor. I'm sure someone out there has had the same feelings.

Going along with this, I think it is safe to acknowledge that I have a hard time losing people (and to psychoanalyze myself, I'm pretty sure it has something to do with losing a parent as a child.) All of my closest friends (okay let's say 95%) that I talk(ed) to on a regular basis in the last 3 years are married or engaged or in serious relationships now. And several of them are moms or dads as well. Guess what happens when that happens? They slowly disappear from my life. I call, I get a voicemail. I call, they are busy. I text, no response back. I call again, they are still busy and I leave another voicemail (sometimes I want to get married just to see what the heck everyone gets so busy with....other that the obvious pun that can be taken from that sentence. You can't have sex all day every day...). Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that they are married and have cute little babies because I get to be the world's coolest aunt to all of them. BUT the selfish side of me kind of resents what it does to my friendships. I keep having to find new friends. I liked my old friends just fine! (Err, no offense new friends...) And here at BYU-"I-DO", dating and getting married are in the everyday jargon of the 18 year old girls and the 21 year old fresh-off-the-mish boys. It makes it difficult to ignore. Not to mention, being 25, overweight and not your traditional LDS girl here at BYU-I doesn't exactly make the dating scene any better. I remember now why I had problems last year....my self esteem kinda takes a hit here.

So, what do I do about it (the obvious answer would be to age backwards and starve myself....wait, no? Wrong answer?)? Well yesterday, I'll admit, I cried and whined about it for half of the day. I was annoyed with life in general. I'll also mention that I am terrible at not being good at something (i.e. playing the piano, sightsinging, and reading syncopated rhythms....) and I had to deal with ALL of those factors yesterday morning. Being a music major is a skilled major, and yes, I know I possess the skills to be a music major, but I have to stretch beyond my capacity to gain more skills and knowledge. I've never been one to stretch myself. I'll try it. Although a word of caution: I might whine and cry more. :) But by the end of the day, I had showered, plopped myself down on the Lovesak in our living room and started doing homework. Fortunately, and unfortunately for my homework, I got invited to hang out with one of those "new friends" I mentioned before...and I ended up having a great night, and my patience kind of paid off in a way.

So that was that. It was emotional, ridiculous, but valid. I can't help the way I feel...but I can learn to cope with it. I can't change my life. It is what it is. I can learn to be happy with it though. I don't really care that I'm not married or don't have kids of my own. That doesn't make me unhappy. I do care about the relationships with my close friends and wish those relationships didn't have to take such a low spot on the todem pole because they have someone else in their No. 1 slot. As I get older, and continue to live a life different from most of my friends (not being married, etc) I will have to find my peace with it. I don't mean to sound bitter. I have a great life. I just miss my friends sometimes.

Has anyone else had to deal with this? How do you cope with it? When a best friend gets married or "moves on" to a different part of their life, where does that leave the friendship? They have a husband, wife or kids to occupy their time. The unmarried best friend, although busy with life, still has flexibility and time to contribute...but it's hard to maintain a relationship with a voicemail. What do we do to adapt to the new situation? Do we email more and talk less? Or do we live in a world where our best friends are just fillers until we find a spouse? Once the spouse is there, what's the need for a best friend? Is that how it works? Does it become burdensome to try and hold on to that old friend? Hm....so many questions.

Let's all let that one marinate and see what we come up with. (Vandi, sidenote, You're probably the busiest woman I know but you are pretty amazing at keeping up with things....and I know you'll be the first one to read and comment on this. I love you for that. And sidenote to anyone else who might be reading this....don't be mad that I gave Vandi props. haha.)

Do I sound like a complaining camel? (Oh yeah, came up with that one all by myself...kind of like quiet coyote, only different.)