The Secret

Today as I was setting up the banquet room for an event this evening a little old man walks in and greets me. He asked me if I had a table I could help him set up for a display. He showed me the pictures that we was wishing to display and the first set of pictures were some very old wedding photos. Unbeknownst to me, I admired the photos and he thanked me. Then he admitted that those photos were him and his wife....50 years ago.

I'm not quite sure I had the reaction I did, but I immediately felt all warm and fuzzy inside, almost to the point of tears and congratulated him on his anniversary. He's just this little old man, all wrinkled and adorable, with his fading but still present dutch accent. He has worked for the air force in computers for most of his life and it is apparent that he has done many great things.

So, naturally, I asked him -- "So, what's your secret?"

He answered, " Well, you really know how much you love someone after you're retired." I agreed with him. I mean, your kids are gone, and neither of you are working. So you're stuck together again...only this time after years of things to keep you busy. We went on to discuss how that arrangement works out for him and his lovely wife. Then he told me, "The most important thing we give each other is plenty of space. If she wants to go somewhere, or do something, I let her do it and she does the same for me. I love my wife more now that I did 50 years ago."

Again....thank you, little old man, for putting me on the verge of waterworks. I was truly touched. I have watched a lot of failed marriages and it is so refreshing to see one that has made it. His name is Henny. I'm excited to see all of the people show up for their big celebration tonight. A 50th wedding anniversary is nothing to snuff at. I can only imagine how much hard work has gone into their marriage. I am so glad I met Henny today. It definitely gave me time to reflect on my own desires. But I think he gave fantastic advice. It's about support and love. It doesn't have to be a life where you're on top of each other. It's a team effort to get through life together. That's really all it is...and you have to love them and put their desires before your own. When he said space was what is the secret, what I realized is that by allowing someone space and time, in many ways you are being selfless. Most often times, our selfishness gets in the way of our relationships with people. So I am glad I met Henny. He brightened my day (that could also attribute to the fact when I told him I was not married his reply was "A beautiful girl like you is not married? How is that so?" .....). He made me remember who I am and who I want to be. Also, he helped me remember what I'm searching for. In this world, it is easy to get caught up in being snide or sarcastic. It is most definitely in my nature to tear others down with a quick witted side comment -- but as I've grown up I've realized that I what I want to be known for is something different than that. One day, while talking to Anthony (many of you will remember who I mean but for those who don't -- Anthony was my very first love and boyfriend. We reunited about 3 years after HS and remained very close friends after that. He wanted to get back together and I always refused him because of his lifestyle choices....He died last November of an overdose) on the phone, I asked him why, even though we are so different, he would want to be with me? His reply "because you're the sweetest girl I've ever known. You would do anything for anybody and you are genuine." Now, I don't know if I agree with him, but let me tell you that that thought has stuck with me for a long time now...and I strive for that. I want to be the sweetest girl, not the meanest girl or the most sarcastic girl. It takes time, but I'm starting to realize that love is the beginning and the end. It's not attraction that keeps a marriage going, or money, or material, shallow things, it's love and time and trust and selflessness.

Congrats on 50 years, Henny!

Jamming out.

Hello loves.

So let me tell you that I am loving this fall season. I drive through the Logan Canyon every weekend to go to work and it is SO beautiful!

So how was your Sunday? Mine was excellent...all except one teeny tiny, um, incident.

There I was, minding my own business, feeling all cute in my gray skirt and black stiletto boots. I get up to go sing with the choir, the front of my boot slips off the front of the step and BAM. I totally biffed it in front of my entire ward. I quickly got up, turned around, did a couple of curtsies to admit it was quite embarrassing but I've done worse and proceed to sing. All is well, minus my jammed finger and ego.

On a great note however, I made some fab tortilla soup tonight and it is a VERY simple recipe so why not share with you all?

Boil some chicken stock, add a palmful of cumin and a palmful of paprika, a little pepper and salt, a couple of bay leaves and pico de gallo. Grill or saute a chicken breast in olive oil. Dish up soup, add cut up chicken strips to soup, add a palmful or so of your favorite mexican cheese (or cheddar or mozz), top with tortilla strips and ole! Mexican heaven in your mouth! Enjoy :)

I am so excited...

for Halloween!!! I just wanted you to know.

Working harrrrd for the money!

Well hello! Sorry 'bout my little fit earlier. Sometimes a girl just has to rant.

Anywhiz.

So, my weeks pretty much consist of one thing. Work. I enjoy my job, don't get me wrong, but man oh man...I'm a tired girl on Sundays. On Saturdays I have been working doubles at Cafe Sabor in Bear Lake in addition to the regular crazy busy schedule I work at Hamilton's during the week. It's about an hour drive through a gorgeous (and very curvy!) canyon but I always make really good money there so, to me, toootttally worth the drive. Not to mention, Justin lets me drive the company's 4'runner up there so I don't have to put extra miles on my car or use my gas money :) Gotta love having a boss who's on your side.

The only downfall to all this work is my lack of a social life and lack of energy to have an "after work" social life. I am normally pretty spent after running around on my feet for 10 or so hours. I love doing it, so I really don't mind, but it makes life outside of work a little less than entertaining. Luckily, when I come home I'm not all by myself so I haven't turned into a total isolated being. The money has been nice, and very helpful! I am happy (and embarrassed) to report that I am driving with a valid driver's lisence, plates, and insurance. It always seemed one or the other was missing in the equation. Although don't get me started on how I feel about paying $90/month on insurance. Ugh.

So needless to say trying to hang out and meet people, let alone go on dates, has presented itself with a challenge! But I'm happy to report that I have managed to find a date that is just as busy as I am and we both have Monday nights free! hahah. How about a little FHE dating action? Oh yeah....well, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, right!? I made a goal for myself to go on at least one date a month -- nothing major, just something casual -- so I can meet some people and maybe one day snag up some stellar dude to bring home to my daddy. I've met some great guys so I figure, why not? I'm at a point in my life right now where something serious might be too complicated for me, but I think I need the experience of casual dating. So, it should be fun. :)

Tomorrow should be an exciting day. For starters, I have the day off. HOLLERRR. But in addition to that, I am going to expand my horizons and yes, wait for it..................................I'm going to learn how to change my own oil. Nice, right!? I think girls should know how to do that. I enjoy being handy and having additional knowledge so I'm pretty stoked. Charlie is being a gentlemen and helping a girl out with my first time. Wait, er, um, I mean....yeah that didn't sound so good. haha! You know what I'm trying to say! Get your mind outta the gutter!

Life is pretty good, folks. I can't complain. I hope life is treating you well also.

Oh, and since it's fast and testimony Sunday, allow me to share.

If there is one thing I want you all to remember me by it is the fact that I know God is who He says He is. I know He is our Father in Heaven and He stands as the Supreme Being and God of this universe. I know He is a loving and almighty man, who lives, and knows each of us by name and situation and status. He sent us His only begotten Son, even Jesus Christ, to this earth to walk and talk among men. And Christ came here to minister unto us and to all people to show them the way back to our Father in Heaven. He made the ultimate sacrifice and was crucified on a cross for our sins, our pain, our sorrows, our heartaches. He bled from every pore for each of us. I know that Christ established a church, one church, that taught the fullness of His gospel and message. I know that although at one time lost due to the iniquity of man, we are now in the fullness of times, the last dispensation before the return of our Savior. Jesus Christ re-established His church again on the earth and He did this through a prophet, Joseph Smith Jr. Joseph Smith did have a vision. He saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. He was given the keys and authority to restore the gospel of Christ back into it's glory and fullness so that we might prepare the Earth for Christ's return once again to rule. I know that His church is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It is through His living Church we have the answers to some of life's most difficult questions. I know these things are true by the power of the Holy Ghost. I have felt it's power and I have received a witness of these things. I love my Savior and I love my Father in Heaven. I pray for their mercy and forgiveness of my mortal mistakes and am eternally grateful for the sacrifice of a perfect man on my behalf to make me whole.

I leave that testimony with you in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Hmph.

I am most certainly in a moody fit at the moment. Yesterday I went to Wal-mart and bought stuff to make chocolate chip cookies. True to my own form, of course I bought organic all purpose naturally white flour (it's not bleached and it way better for you) along with natural cane sugar instead of refined table sugar. I use sea salt instead of iodized table salt, etc. I use those ingredients because they are REAL things and haven't been processed with a million chemicals to make them cheaper by the dozen. I was so excited to make chocolate chip cookies tonight. I haven't baked in such a long time. Charlie's favorite is oatmeal chocolate chip, but I didn't make the cookies for him, I made them for everyone so I thought I'd go with good ol' fashioned chocolate chip. I use nuts in my cookies because walnuts have a lot of mono-unsaturated fats which is good for the body and helps the sugar that is in the cookies to be absorbed at a slower rate, therefore, a nutritional boost if you will. I assure you, these cookies do not taste like cardboard. No where close in fact. They were perfectly baked, and tasted great! I like to make food for people, but in this household, my food isn't really appreciated. Charlie was going to take some cookies home and as soon as he saw the walnuts he decided he didn't want any. You can barely taste them!! Then he told me that "real" chocolate chip cookies aren't made with nuts. I never cook for any of them because they have the pallette of people who have never eaten anything other than burgers and fries their whole lives. And in their cases, mexican food too. It just frustrates me so much! I was really looking forward to baking cookies...and part of the fun is sharing them with others. Is is weird that I'm so upset about it? I know I'm probably totally over-reacting but it is just one of those things that gets under my skin. It didn't help that I had a crappy night at work tonight either. I'm just having one of those days I guess. I was fine all day, but work really pissed me off. Ugh. I miss having people in my life who appreciate a nice gesture.

Yes, yes I know...I'm a slacker!

Moving out west has done nothing for my blogging adventures, that is for sure!

Well, of course there has been 1.394838483 million things that have happened since I wrote a couple of months ago. I can't believe I let two months go by! Yikes!

Anyhooooodle. To catch you up on where in the world is Courtney Rosemeyer -- I am still in Logan, Utah. Annnnddd....It looks as if I'm here for the long haul. Now, before you get all concerned, I'm NOT quitting school. I'm transferring to Utah State next fall and in the meantime can take my generals from BYU-Idaho online. See? I can do things and still accomplish the major goal at hand. Why am I staying in Logan, you ask? I haven't the foggiest idea, other than to tell you that I feel this is where I need to be for one reason or another. So, I'm an official "utard" as we called them in Indiana. I have Utah plates and driver license now. Yikes. Oh, and two traffic tickets to boot. Dang Utah cops. Maybe living here will make me a more careful driver?? Hm. We'll see.

BUT one thing Utah has done to me....and don't ask me why...I am starting to like country music. Okay, I did like country back in the day. And when I say back in the day I mean as in 9th grade. Trisha Yearwood and the Dixie Chicks were rockin. But I've never been an actual country fan until now. My heart still belongs to the hip hop beats though. With that thought, I have to promote this country band, Lady Antebellum. I'm obsessed with them. I'm obsessed in particular with this song.....



Lyrics ::::::

I know that the bridges that I've burned along the way
Have left me with these walls and these scars that won't go away
And opening up has always been the hardest thing
Until you came

So lay here beside me, just hold me and don't let go
This feeling I'm feeling is something I've never known
And I just can't take my eyes off you
And I just can't take my eyes off you

I love when you tell me that I'm pretty when I just wake up
And I love how you tease me when I'm moody, but it's never too much.
I'm falling fast, but the truth is I'm not scared at all
You climbed my wall

So lay here beside me, just hold me and don't let go
This feeling I'm feeling is something I've never known
And I just can't take my eyes off you
And I just can't take my eyes off you, off you, off you

So lay here beside me, just hold me and don't let go
Oh, this feeling I'm feeling is something I've never known
And I just can't take my eyes off you
And I just can't take my eyes off you

------------------

Gorgeous, right!? Ah, I can't stop listening to it. I wouldn't mind dancing to this song on my fictitious wedding day.

So, what am I doing with my time here in Utah? Well, work is what consumes a majority of it. I'm still working at Hamilton's Steakhouse and I've also been helping out at Cafe Sabor up at Bear Lake. It's the other restaurant that Justin has. It's mexican and soooo good. And not good for me that I have access to unlimited chips and salsa when I'm there. So working....yeah it keeps me busy. That, and late night trips to Wal-mart. My only complaints about Logan are these: 1. Lack of the Tar-jay (Target). I miss you Target. Why must you be an hour away? 2. No Secrets to be found anywhere. Where the hay am I supposed to buy bras if there is no Victoria's Secret? What kind of mall is Cache Valley Mall anyways!? hah. Target was my backup bra buying store. And now, nothing! I've tried wally world...and they aren't doing me good. So I'm on the hunt for a good bra store.

OH! So good news is that I've lost roughly 10 lbs since moving down here. Crazy, huh? I love it. Total weight loss so far since my journey began has been almost 60 lbs. I've lost 20ish since I left Indiana. So weird to think I used to be that big. But I'm not done yet. It's a slow and steady process....but I will reach my goal weight. Just you...weight. HA!

Now, I know the question you're all dying to ask. And no, I'm not dating anyone. I've gone on some random dates here and there but nothing serious. One day my prince will show up, or realize what he has in front of his face. In the meantime, I'm just hangin out.

And a sidenote to this topic-- I went to a soccer game today and was listening to these moms and such....and can I just say that I can't wait to have kids. I have no choice but to wait, but still, my kids will be athletes if I have any say in the matter. They will play any and every sport. The girls will dance. The boys will too. Haha. I have no problem with being a soccer mom someday (or football or baseball -- I doubt I'll have any kids playing basketball...unless I marry a very tall man) . As a matter of fact, I think I am looking forward to it. BUT I'm enjoying the fact that I can sleep as long as I want, do what I want and answer to myself and God right now. I need to take advantage of that while it's here, because one day I'm sure it will be gone.

I'm still working on getting a job substitute teaching here in Cache Valley. I think it would be so much fun! I'm still debating on changing my major to Music Education...or elementary ed. Ugh. We'll worry about that later though. In the meantime, I just need to take some general classes and get them out of the way.

So, that's been my life! Sounds exciting, huh? How have you been? :) I will try to be better about posting!!

Shout out.

Thanks for always reading my blog Vandi. I pretty much just write for you :) hehe. I can always count on comments from you.

Como say whaaa?

So despite my last journal entry, I am feelin dang good right now. Perhaps it's my new haircut? I always feel great after a good hair appointment. I feel like me :) It's a sassy little do with some new color too!! (says the poet who didn't know it!). I put some red and reallly dark brown highlights and low lights in my hair. I love it. Thanks Joe! (I scored a gift card worth $87 for $30...can't beat that!)

So a lot of interesting things have been happening. Let me tell you about the exciting life I currently lead. Today consisted of the following: I got up at noon. I played guitar hero for almost 3 hours with Michelle. I got ready for work and went to work.

What a life right?! Well, I'll love it while it lasts because come Monday, I'm cracking the whip and my new schedule at work starts. Although I have had the WORST luck with jobs....especially restaurants. Do you remember Bertolini's? It was this fantastic Italian place in Circle Center Mall (downtown Indy) and I loved it there. I worked about 30 hours a week and made about 300-400/week in tips. And then I went to work one day and BAM -- CLOSED. I was so sad. So here I am...starting at this great place in Logan and what do I find out? Oh, yep, they're closing at the end of this month. UGH! What the heck?! My dad told me I'm going to get a reputation as being a restaurant killer. The economy is effecting the industry big time....but I guess I'll keep trying.

BUT I had an epiphany a couple of days ago and I'm finally feeling so good about life now. A few things came to my mind....

One: Honestly, I get really lonely sometimes...but it's okay. I won't be lonely forever. I have faith in that. I just gotta keep working on getting the kinks out in my own life.

Two: I'm about 99.9% sure I'm changing my major to Music Education. Originally I thought maybe just changing it to education was the way to go because Music Ed was going to be harder...but I've taken the easy way out way too many times. When I think about what I want to do with the rest of my life, it always involves working with kids. So why am I NOT majoring in anything to do with kids? So, there ya go. I can be a professional singer without a bachelor's degree. And I certainly do NOT want to be an opera singer...although it is pretty fun to hit those high notes! I toyed with the idea of staying here in Logan and transferring to Utah State to finish my degree. But no, I need to be in Rexburg. It is the best place for me for a lot of reasons.

Three: With number two finally figured out, I'm going to **hopefully** get a job substitute teaching this fall while I'm here in Logan. It's not hard to do and it doesn't pay super well....but it still pays decent and it gives me some experience in the education field.

Four: Good guys still exist. I was starting to worry for a while that all was left was a world full of guys who had the depth of the kiddie pool but I'm happy to report that there are some good ones left....and one of them happens to be newly single again. I'm not saying that I'm going to jump on that too soon, or that I'm going to "jump on it" at all (I should really watch my catch phrases to make sure they aren't literal) but this particular guy intrigues me. He keeps my interest. He always has something interesting or insightful to say. He is incredibly talented. He is sweet and has a smile that could light up a room. And he's honest. Obviously, it's safe to say I like him...and I don't normally divulge such information on my blog, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know that I keep a blog, let alone read it! Anyways.....even if he does.....more than anything, even if nothing ever develops between us, it is refreshing to know that good men exist.

See? Haven't I been a busy girl? Well, at least my mind has been busy! But it's great. The mountains are beautiful. I saw like six shooting stars during the meteor shower a couple of nights ago and I finally got a little fan the hmmmms instead of my dumb ceiling fan that drives me nuts.

Pictures of new hair to come! :) ♥ MWAH.

Yes...it's 4:35am.

Sleep just hasn't been a part of my life lately. I'm sure it still has something to do with the fact that I sleep on an air mattress and have lots going down in my spinny little head. So, please humor me. If I make a spelling or grammar error -- deal. :)

I moved to Logan, UT about three weeks ago while I'm off track. I come down here to visit all the time anyways. I'm crashing with some friends who are practically family and working.

Things haven't gone as I expected per se...but then again, when do things really go the way I expect them to?! HA! Never. Anywho...I do love Logan. It's a great town. I also dig the weather right now. No humidity, it hardly ever rains, and it's sunny and warm.

So, hear me out. A few months ago I turned 25 right? Yep. I did. I feel as if I've come to the conclusion that I might be suffering through a quarter life crisis. I don't like the fact that I'm getting older...and moreso that I feel like I'm behind somehow. I have no husband, no kids, no degree...but does that define success in our lives? What defines if we're "where we are supposed to be"? I do have a lot of experiences and mistakes to contribute. Ha. But you know how in kindergarden they determine whether or not you're "where you're supposed to be" before they advance you on to first grade -- well, what is it for 25? And if I'm not there yet, can I stay 25 until I meet the requirments?

I know I'm probably looking at this all wrong but what can I say? It's just how I feel. I'm trying to figure out where my life is going...and getting older isn't fairing well with me at the moment. I'm trying to embrace life and blah blah blah and some days are better than others. I have no reason to complain about my life. I'm not living on the streets and I have food to eat. I'm extremely blessed with great people in my life and have been given all the talents a girl could ask for....but I feel like something is missing. I feel like I'm not being what I was brought here to be. I've been trying to figure this stuff out for a while now (in case you didn't already gather that).

Tonight I was making dinner for myself, home alone, listening to Jazz music and I was perfectly content. Right now I'm awake, exhausted, itchy (don't know why...random) and frustrated because I can't sleep. I hate this air mattress. It's not comfortable at all...and my fan makes noise and keeps me awake. I like the normal low hummmmmm of a fan, but this is a ceiling fan...and it's loose a little bit...and it makes obnoxious noises! LOL.

So perhaps I'm done complaining. :) Sorry you have to listen to me rant about such retarded things.

Sheryl Crow said it best...

A change will do you good.

Feliz Cumpleanos Estados Unidos!

I know, irony that I wrote Happy Birthday America in Spanish!? I thought it was funny :)

Anywhoooo.....

Can I just say how lame I am that I never keep up with this blog. In my defense, I'm WAY better than I was when I first moved here, but nonetheless, it's still a good chunk of time in between posts.

So this weekend we celebrated our independence and the birth of our fine nation. Well, okay, maybe right now our nation isn't so fine, but still, I live in a bubble most of the time and never watch the news. Ah, ignorance is bliss.

I went down to one of my favorite places for the little holiday -- Logan, Utah. It was nice to get away from Rexburg for a bit and to forget that I go to school and that I am stressed out about 493.3938 things right now going on in my life. I stayed at the oh-so-hospitable Joe's house again and had a great time hanging out. I wish I had more pictures to show but unfortunately I didn't take a lot of pictures this weekend. Again, one of my many blogging imperfections. Blogs can be boring without pictures. Facebook has lots though...so just go there for pictures. :)

I came back this weekend feeling different from when I left though. Very strange how that works. We'll see if and how long these new feelings last, but I realized that life is here to live and enjoy -- and that I need to relax and enjoy life more. My mind was in a strange place this weekend and I'm still not exactly sure where or how it ended up there. But I've come to some self realizations this weekend. I spent the weekend with Joe and Charlie and their family. I didn't do what I set out to do this weekend -- well not all of it at least. It just goes to show me that I need to stop expecting so much and go with it more. Charlie is a very go with the flow type of guy....and I admire that about him. I'm terrible at that. I always make these "plans" in my head....and they never turn out the way I want them to. So maybe I should stop planning so much and starting living life how it's going and loving that a little more?! Not sure if any of this made sense to you...but that's how I roll, I guess.

The mountains were beautiful and the weather was really great all weekend. Happy Birthday America.

Crick or creek?

Okay, so the title has absolutely nothing to do with the topic other than the fact I took a nap earlier today, slept wrong, and have had the worst crick in my neck ever sense. Advil and a heating pad are my two favorite friends right now. (Except it is one of those stick on heating pads, and well, it's not doing a very good job of sticking. So now I'm getting a worse crick in my neck from sitting with my head stiff so the heating pad doesn't come unstuck. Really, could life get more complicated?!)

This week was a good week! I'll tell you why. Pay attention....

I started each day off with scripture reading and a prayer. AND I got up at 6:15a. Shocked, I know. Me? A morning person? Surely not! But I am telling you I have been trying it and I like it! I miss sleep sometimes, and still love naptime, but all in all, it's been such a great blessing for me. I just need to work on going to bed a little earlier.

I don't have anything particularly interesting to share with you. I went to a really great fireside tonight that helped me gain a little more appreciation of my self worth and the worth of those around me. We all have divine potential. But what really hit home is that being healthy and simple and clean is what is most important. As I have grown closer to God I have really come to love simplicity. I have come to find peace in the simple things. I still have big dreams, but they involve traveling to other countries and teaching children about being creators. Teaching them how to create by using music, books, art, and food and tapping into their imaginations. I think as adults we sometimes lose that passion inside of us to create something. I have two great clips I want you to watch. One is about creating...the other about distorted body images. Somehow, to me, they tie in together. We don't need to be perfect to be beautiful. We can create without those things.



This clip is excerpts from a talk given at a General Relief Society Broadcast given two years ago. I loved this talk. Creating is what makes me feel alive. The music behind this video is inspiring! Enjoy! If you ever need a pick me up or some inspiration, I recommend this video!



Crazy huh? Man...imagine how hot I could look with professional makeup artists and some photo shop!


Good night all :)

Spread the word!

Sleepyhead.

I'm tired. And a bit grouchy.

That's all.

♥ Courtney

Oh -- and check out my other blog!

naturallygoodbycourtney.blogspot.com

A time for writing and a time for......other stuff.

Oh blog, can I tell you something. This semester?? It's kicking my butt. And not in a good way...because my butt doesn't look any better than it did before.

Here's what I do know though -- I ain't gon' give up. (Don't worry Dad.)

I don't have any baby pictures to post, as I do not have a baby.

I do not have any other pictures to post because I keep forgetting and/or losing my camera at those moments in my life where a camera would be nice. So you'll have to use your imaginations as I do my best to depict my life in word form.

I went to Salt Lake City over Memorial Day weekend! I can now call myself a real mormon. I have seen mecca. :) We took an "official" tour of Temple Square and I must say, I was more than impressed by the pioneers. They were crafty people!! Not only did they build a breath taking building such as the SLC Temple, they built the Tabernacle with some of the most amazing acoustics I've ever heard. I wanted to jump on that stage and sing so bad I could barely restrain myself. I also just found the whole idea of the tours so cool. If I wasn't a member of the LDS Church already, I would definitely be more interested in the Church afterwards.

The only creepy thing was the lady at the end of the tour who was taking pictures in front of the Christus statue. It wasn't creepy that she was taking pictures -- but it was creepy that she was posing on the floor, whilst several months pregnant, whilst wearing a tube top and skirt as to expose her very pregnant stomach. I think pregnant woman are beautiful, don't get me wrong, but that just creeped me out. I was feeling all spiritual after listening to the little message and pondering as I looked at the statue of Christ then BAM! Pregnant woman shows up....not. cool.

The longer I live out west, the more I am growing to love it. The landscapes are amazing. Mountains are awe inspiring to me. I've gone down to Logan, Utah a few times now and everytime I go I love it more and more. We went on a drive through the Logan Canyon and it was so beautiful!!! I'm thinking more and more about doing my masters at Utah State (which is in Logan). I've also discovered that I enjoy rural life much more than urban life. I feel more at peace. For any of you that have known me long enough to experience me when I'm struggling with panic attacks, you know that driving has always been one of my biggest problems. There was a time where I would have panic attacks just driving to work that was a mere 10 minutes away! Now, I can drive to Utah, all by myself, in perfect peace :) I think it is because I never have to deal with heavy traffic and I have beautiful landscapes to look at. It just makes me happy :) I actually really enjoy going on a nice drive nowadays.

Hmm....let's see, what else?

I made lasagna for the first time -- it turned out really well!! I did my normal Courtney spin on it and made things a bit healthier by using ground turkey instead of ground beef and switched regular lasagna noodles for whole wheat noodles. I also used organic canned diced tomatoes instead of processed spaghetti or tomato sauce. I was really happy with how it turned out! I want my own cooking show! If I posted my dishes and recipes on a blog, would you guys actually try them??

Also, a new trick for making homemade garlic bread : Cut your favorite loaf of bread to open it up (we used french bread, but you could use italian or even a whole grain roll). With a slightly softened stick of butter add dried basil and parsley (substantial amounts of both) as well as a about 3 or 4 Tbls of garlic powder to the butter. Then whip the butter with electric beaters until all is combined and butter is fluffy so it's easier to spread. Spread it on the bread and bake at about 400 degrees until bread is crispy and butter is melted!! YUMMY!

Welp....I think I've given you enough for today. :) Hope you're all doing well and loving life!

♥ Courtney

Hormones.

Reader beware: I might discuss in small and non-graphic doses the annoyances of being a girl. Don't say I didn't warn you.

How was your weekend? Mine? Adequate. I'm getting used to some new additions to my spiritual life and adjusting quite well if I say so myself. It was sunny and warmer this weekend, which was a nice change of pace. Oh, and it wasn't INSANELY windy either. That was VERY nice (my hair says thank you!).

One thing I'm not loving is being a girl. I've always had somewhat of "female problems" it seems and therefore, I used to take birth control. Well, I didn't take it for a long time, but I started having issues again, so now I'm back on it. However, for the last two days I have wanted to die....or sleep a lot. Just do something that involves me being incoherent to pain and annoyances that come along with "that time". Once again, my body is still not behaving normally. And men have NO idea what we go through. Sure, you get kicked in the balls and it hurts -- and that is a pain that I will never experience or be able to relate too -- but I assure you it does not compare to what women go through for days at a time. You really should worship the ground we walk on, guys. Just sayin....

So ibuprofen and heating pads have been my bff's for the last two days. And buttered whole wheat toast. I've been slightly obsessed with that as well.

This is what happens when I don't have any kids or husbands to talk about. Hehe :)

So today starts off another crrrrraaazzzzyyyy busy week. I really wish I had enough time in the day to do everything I need to. Luckily, we have Monday AND Tuesday off next week for Memorial Day and I'm taking a little mini-vaca down the road to Utah to hang with Joseph. We're going to Salt Lake and I'm so pumped (I've never been there, and it IS the mormon mecca afterall). AND I've been promised a dinner at Cheesecake Factory. YUMMMMMM. Applebee's is the only nice, sit down restuarant in Rexburg. Yes, I work at a Steakhouse, but that gets old after a while too. I'm very much looking forward to that. Pictures are promised. :)

The weather is gorgeous today and is supposed to stay like this all week! YAY!

Okay, lunch and homework becons me. UGH.

I say you strong man.

So I'm one of those types of people who remember my dreams a lot. I don't remember every detail, but I dream almost everything and remember most of it the next day for a while. I have yet to meet anyone else who dreams as often as I do. I still say my medicine has a link to that because when I didn't take it, I didn't remember my dreams as often as I do now. Nonetheless, it's very interesting. There are a couple of theories on dreams. One theory being that dreams are a reflection of your subconscious personality and desires. I dream often about this old house that I lived in on Campbell Avenue with my parents. My mom is in my dreams a lot, as well as other loved ones that have passed away. Anywho, it's very interesting. My roommate is a psych major so we talk about it a lot and I've started to really think about my personality traits. My weaknesses and strengths.

Although I feel very blessed to have been given a lot of outward talents, my biggest weaknesses are internal. One being my work ethic. My dad is a fantastic example of someone with a diligent work ethic. I believe he knows how to balance work and relaxation time. He does what needs to be done whether he likes it or not. He goes to work everyday and rarely calls in sick. He's dependable and prompt. He's very reliable. I admire that quality about him a lot. I've felt lately the need to work on that quality in myself more. I don't enjoy always having obligations. In fact, when I have a lot of obligations I tend to get very overwhelmed and end up not doing them. I'm not sure why I react that way, but I am a very carefree person. Although, my body responds well to and likes structure, I feel that the very nature of my soul is quite the opposite.

So as I've pondered that, I've realized the need for improvement in that area. We'll see how it goes :) Maybe if I give into my body's nature, my soul's natural tendencies will follow?

Two in one day...

I have friends that are always on the go, constantly trying to find plans and never seem to be alone. I, however, am very different. I require time to myself. I require reflection, meditation, and space. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a walking contradiction because I seem to have qualities of both an introvert and an extrovert.

The older I get, the more I have become a bit of a naturalist. I enjoy real, whole foods. I enjoy the beauty of the Earth and I don't really enjoy TV as much as I used to. I love real conversations. Stars in the sky. Crisp, cool air. I love non-fiction stories about someone who made a difference in this world. I am starting to love learning. I love creating something -- whether it be a loaf of freshly baked banana bread or refinishing an old wooden sign. I guess you could say sometimes I think a little too deep or feel a little stronger than others may. I'm not sure -- as I do not sit in another's shoes; however, I do think a lot about, well, a lot. I think about the past, the present and the future. I think about how God created the Earth and how intricate and detailed everything about it is. I think about how miraculous the plan of salvation is and how doing good really can make us happy. I think about relationships and how our spirit, mind, and body form. I think about how our brains work and how our individual experiences shape our opinions and way of thinking. I find it interesting that most of us want to marry someone who possess similar qualities to that of our parent of the opposite sex (i.e. girls want to find someone who is like their dads). Do you all think about these things too? Am I alone in my wondering thoughts?

I saw a man today. He was old, wearing a torn set of coveralls, old dirty jeans, and his head was covered with an old green knitted beanie cap. As I was getting gas, he was pulled up on his bicycle and little wagon that was attached to the back. His wagon and front basket were overflowing with garbage bags full of aluminum cans. He went through each trash can, one by one, looking for more cans to add to his collection. He wore no gloves, he had no shame. He looked at me for a brief moment and as I looked back and gave a small half smile, I thought about who he is and even moreso, who he was. Did he choose the lifestyle he currently possesses? Where did he grow up? Where is his family? I wondered if he was hungry. I thought to offer him some food or drink, but I couldn't bring myself to talk to him. I should have though....Christ would have done that, and I am a disciple of Christ. Maybe this man once had a wife and children and a warm home to go to. Where does he sleep? Does he collect cans because he exchanges them for money? If that's the case, I feel that says something of his character. He did not once ask a single person at that gas station for money. Instead, he "worked" for what little he might receive in return. I've seen him riding his bike before...down the street, with his little wagon behind him. He has a strong limp and walks with one crutch. Could he perhaps be a disabled veteran? This man made me think. I promise you though, next time I see him, I am going to offer him food or drink...or something. I can honestly say that I did not pass judgement on him; however, I did wonder where his life lost it's course in order for him to end up digging cans out of the local fuel stop's waste bins.

Life is interesting. We never know what the future holds for us. This aspect of life is probably what I ponder the most. Where will I be in 10 years? 20? Will I be married? Will I have children? Will I live up to my own expectations? Will I be happy?

Well I know that's a lot for you to chew on. Two posts in one day -- consider yourself lucky! I love days where I have time to myself to write.

Oh, and I hope you don't think I'm a total nut job now.

I know....you're in shock!

It's been wayyyyyyy too long my friends. But I'm back! I keep saying how blogging is therapy but yet, do I do it? Noooooooo. Hmph. Anyways.

I'll be completely honest with you -- after I moved out here (here being Rexburg, Idaho in case you aren't up to speed), I had SO much going on that I really didn't know where to start. Then, I got to the point where I felt I could scarcely do justice to all the things happening that, well, I just stopped.

But after, oh, five months, I think I'm settled enough to start bringing you up to speed. I won't overwhelm you with the last five months of my life...I'll just promise that I'll do a better job of updating you!!!

So today is Friday. THANK GOODNESS. My schedule this semester is intense. It's still not hard per se, but it's busy. I'm taking 14 credits and have several music classes this semester. This is my hardest semester vocally as well, as I have to memorize 8 new songs and have them prepared enough to sing in front of a panel of voice faculty at the end of the semester.

I'm finally working (I didn't have a job at all last semester...and survived on the good grace of God) at a restaurant in Idaho Falls (about 30 minutes away) on the weekends. So, needless to say, I don't get a lot of down time. I dig my job though. I work at a steakhouse and wear a tool belt. I should take some pictures for you!

So today is a beautiful Friday morning and I'm overlooking the gorgeous Rexburg valley. My apartment is on top of the hill across the street from the Rexburg temple and I have a really awesome view. My roommates are phenomenol this semester and I'm learning so much about who I want to be by their amazing examples.

That's not to say that my life has gone off without a hitch. I've had some health problems that have caused severe fatigue but I'm on medications now, which hasn't solved the fatigue completely but it is working to solve the other issues. So I battle with a busy schedule despite the fact that I'm pretty much tired all the time. If I'm not eating the right foods (which for me means almost NO refined sugar and lots of whole foods) then I feel even worse.

But regardless, life -- is -- good. I am so blessed!!! Sorry for being such a bum about writing. Do you ever have those moments where you wonder how you're going to do everything you need to in a day??? I have those all the time.

Oh, and I turned 25 a couple of weeks ago. I don't feel 25...yet again, I'm not sure what 25 is supposed to feel like. But I remember when my sisters were that age and I thought they were so grown up and mature. Ha. Now I'm not so sure!! But time keeps tickin. I've learned and experienced a lot in my 25 years of existence on this planet. Most of all, you've been blessed by my presence! (Okay, okay, I'll calm down)

Wellllll, I have work and other fun things to consume my Friday. Have a glorious day!

♥ Courtney

Holy Crap -- How does she do that?

For those who live under a rock...I am studying vocal performance. I have actually started to love and embrace the opera art form. First of all, it is HARD. It is a style of singing that is incredibly difficult. It requires so much attention and so much effort! So anyways....I'm singing this song called "Rejoice Greatly" from Messiah and I have had to work SOOOOO hard to sing it correctly. It has a lot of runs, which if it was a pop song wouldn't be as hard, but in this style, it makes it that more challenging.

So that you can see what I'm trying to do....here is Renee Fleming's performance of this song. In case you are unsure who Renee Fleming is, she's only one of the most amazing opera singers EVER. I come no where NEAR this, but I do try! :) Renee Fleming was one of the first opera singers I was ever exposed to. She has an incredible gift.





This is another song that is CRAAAAAZZZYYYY. You wanna talk about runs?! This lady goes OFF.

Enjoy.




I know to some this might be boring, but if you see it for what it is, then hopefully you can appreciate it. Even a hooker can be converted to loving opera! See below for a clip from my FAVORITE MOVIE EVER!!!

The House of the Lord

Is my blog boring you? Or my lack of keeping it updated? If so, I do apologize. Perhaps I can find more exciting things to evaluate and write about. I will work on this.

I actually have a day off! I couldn't be more excited about that :) It was technically by default because I got my training schedule wrong, but who cares!

This week was SO busy! But here's what I've learned -- being busy is actually pretty nice! I'm busy doing things that mean something to me. I'm starting to get the performing bug again. Man, I missed that bug!

So today I've been doing a lot of catch up things, like cleaning, sleeping in a little (just a little though....), and doing much needed laundry. Not to mention, I've wasted a tiny bit of time on facebook.

oooooookkkkkk ---- So since I have a few minutes to write, I want to write about something that is pretty near and dear to my heart. Temples.

What is a temple, you ask? Well, most of you who read my blog know, but for those of you who don't...Temples are dedicated buildings in which we do work for the Lord and perform saving ordinances for those who are deceased, as well as living ordinances for ourselves. Marriages, the Endowment, as well as baptisms for the dead are all performed here. If you are unsure about these concepts, I encourage you to seek out the writings of the scriptures on these ancient practices. You can also visit www.mormon.org for more information specifically about my Church. In Christ's primitive Church, temples were a very important part of religious worship. Through the Restoration of the Gospel and the opening of the last dispensation of the fullness of times, temples have been re-introduced to the world again. They are not a new concept. Temples are some of the most beautiful buildings on Earth. There are currently over 120 temples scattered throughout the world. Below are some pictures...



SALT LAKE CITY, UT




REXBURG, ID





LOGAN, UT




NAUVOO, IL


These are some of my favorites. As you can see, they vary in size and shape. Some are very big (like Salt Lake) and some are smaller, like Louisville, KY (not shown).

So a show on HBO called "Big Love" is going to be airing a re-enactment of a temple ceremony on Sunday....now, first off, I do not recommend watching it. Especially if you think you're going to get the "inside scoop" on anything related to temple ceremonies. I guarantee you that it will be inaccurate. But just the fact that HBO is making light of one of the most sacred things in the world to about 14 million people makes me sick. I wish there was something I could do to prevent it, but unfortunately, there is not. I, can, however, do my best to educate people on the temples and their purposes. So in addition to my lovely pictures, I would like to show you this wonderful video! Enjoy!

I know, with assurance, and by the power of the Holy Ghost, that temples serve a grand and glorious purpose in the last days before Christ's return. I know that they are by where we can receive the knowledge to live with our Heavenly Father once again. I am so grateful to have a temple right across the street from me. I get to see it every day. I love to go there.

Baby Mama Drama

I've come to the realization that I struggle to create catchy titles these days. I'm really not on my blogging A game anymore.

And that is sad.

For us all.

Because I am hilarious and we should all benefit from it.

Hm. My humility amazes me. Now...what I actually wanted to talk about.

All of my best friends are mommys now. Their blogs are pictures and stories mainly about their kids (except for vandi's random escapades about the Bachelor -- I was a little disappointed myself...I liked Melissa better -- ANYWHO) I don't have any children to speak of, unless of course, you count my roommates :) but that's more of a housekeeper as opposed to a mother. So as of late, I feel like I have so much yet nothing to contribute to the blogging world. Could I talk about my classes and my schedule? Could I rant on about boys and relationships? Could I talk about how much the Lord blesses me each and every day?

I'm in a strange mood. Unfortunately, it's a bit of a melancholly mood at this moment in time. It could be because I have eaten like crap for the past two days...and I tend to feel as good as the food I eat. That's interesting, huh?

School is going really well. I'm busy as heck though....but in the long run, it will be worth it. I start work at TGIFridays this week. I'm so glad I finally have a job. I wish I didn't have to drive 30 miles to get to it....but I'm grateful for a job.

My dad came to visit me this weekend! It's almost surreal having him here but it's been so great. I've gotten to show him a lot and I've really enjoyed my time with him. It's worn me out though for sure! (Or that could be the fact that I've gone to bed entirely too late the past two nights).

Does anyone else feel OLD? Because I'm really starting to sometimes. I just have so much to do...I feel like such a dud! But that could just be because of my mood. I could have gone out tonight...yet I chose to stay home. HMMMMM.....what is wrong with this picture? haha. Honestly though, I'm so serious when I say I feel as good as the food I eat. When I eat food that's really bad for you...I physically feel worse and emotionally feel worse too. Perhaps I should stop that then huh?! DUH.
While I'm on that topic...I've been really frustrated lately because I haven't been eating as healthy as I normally do, nor do I have a lot of time to work out. I've put on a few pounds since I've moved and it's SOOOO frustrating. I worked my butt off last year to lose weight...and I'm NOT going to gain it back! I went to the store this weekend and bought my normal food that I used to eat all the time. So hopefully that will help. NO MORE EATING OUT SO MUCH. I have plenty of food at home...so I need to eat that.

Anyways, I'm sure you all love listening to me go on about this.

So let's talk about your opinion...and I mean it, I want your opinion. A girl asking a guy out? Is this a welcomed gesture by guys or should a girl wait for a guy to ask her? There is a boy here at school that I find rather humorous and I'd like to get to know him better. I flirt with him and he totally flirts back but he won't ask me out! WHY NOT!? hehe. Could it be because he has a girlfriend on a mission? He's allowed to date other people though. Hm....Boys confuse me :( Why do I love them so much?

Can I complain for 5.3 seconds? Nevermind. I don't feel like complaining.

Man, I sound kind of pathetic don't I? I promise I'm not....I'm just in this random mood. Those happen sometimes....

So, here are some things that make me laugh:

1. The women who horded like a half of a pizza in her purse at Craigo's pizza buffet yesterday at lunch.

2. Hot Diggity Dog -- deep fried chili dogs.

3. 500 miles.

4. My roommate Stacy always makes me laugh.

5. Dan the Man being able to do my critical thinking homework.

6. 30 mph wind. No wait, that's not funny. That's annoying. :)

7. The fact that it's 70 in Indiana today and 20 here.

Okay, that's my random thoughts for today! Adios!

Puttin it all out on the table.

Two blogs in one week!?!?! But writing has always been an outlet for me, and I had been neglecting it. And well, frankly, I missed it. :)

Let me begin this by saying that I am not writing this in hopes for anyone's pity. I just think it's important to get the story out there.


Coming to a place where no one knows you is strange. No one knows what I've been through. No one knows what kind of family I have. No one knows my talents or abilities. Basically, no one knows. To some, this could be a great thing...it's a chance for them to start over and to be honest, I kind of thought that it would be great that no one knew the challenges I have faced in my life. Here's what I've learned....I am who I am because of where I've come from and what I've been through. And to an extent, I'm different because of those things. I don't want to be anyone else.

None of my roommates have experienced the death of anyone in their immediate families. I have experienced a great deal. All of them live at home when they are off track and their parents support them. I do not and do not to either of those.

I was sitting in my Bishop's office today discussing my finances. Now, I'm not making excuses for my mistakes but I am saying that I've come from a situation that isn't ideal. I love my parents, and my family...but I do not come from a family that takes you back in the nest after you've left it. They support you and talk you through it, but re-nesting isn't really an option. All in all, you gotta work with what you have in front of you and utilize your options. I'm grateful that I don't have a family that would take me back in at the drop of a hat...because once I overcome the struggles, I know that I did it without relying on someone to take me by the hand and spoon feed me through the process. I, then, am able to help others because I have experienced it firsthand. I know it would be easier, but easy isn't something that I have ever known, and frankly, I don't know if I ever will.

Looking back on my life, I have realized just how lucky I am. I have realized how immensely blessed I am to be right where I'm at. I am sitting in a nice apartment, with clothes on my back, food in my stomach, surrounded by pictures of people who love me, attending (in my opinion) one of the most amazing universities in the country pursuing my dream. Sure, my circumstances aren't perfect. I'm flat broke, have no job, and am staring a substantial amount of debt in the face. But if I can overcome that obstacle, and I assure you I will, I really do believe I have truly overcome my circumstances. I could easily be a single mother, or in jail, or addicted to drugs or alcohol or having sex with random people as instant gratification. Lastly, I could be dead. I have dealt with almost all of the major life changing and/or traumatic events you could throw at a kid. I am a child of divorce, grew up in a single parent home, grew up in poverty, dealt with death of a parent, three grandparents, an uncle and for 11 years almost an entire side of my family were out of my life -- all before the age of 18. I'm not going to say I handled it perfectly...I lashed out, ran away from home, attempted suicide, partied, looked to physical gratification from guys to make me feel good about myself, cut class, was diagnosed with a mental illness, lived on my own, have moved 27 times, have had over 10 jobs...and all in 24 years.....and here I am still standing. Not only am I standing, I don't drink, smoke, swear, practice premarital sex, I go to college, I stand for good, and most importantly, I survived. And the best part, I'm happy. I laugh. I stand for something, and not just anything, I stand for something incredible. I have the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I have purpose and meaning in my life. For all the hardships, God gave me talents and abilities and laughter in my life to compensate. There is a fantastic talk given by the late apostle, Joseph B. Wirthlin titled "Come What May and Love It". I am reminded of this talk because in it he promises us that for every loss, we will receive something in its place. For every tear, we will be compensated ten fold with joy. I am finally starting to see this. I am finally starting to gain a testimony of this. Without these struggles, I wouldn't be me. Back home, people know my story. And I think I'm okay to say that people are drawn to me because of the stories I have and the experiences I've gained. I can honestly say I wouldn't trade it for the world. I would want any other life than the one I've been given.

My story is a story of progress. My story is about overcoming the statistics and rising above the hardships. I'm in the middle of climbing over my last mountain of mistakes from my youth...and that is staring thousands of dollars of debt in the face. But I assure you this, through the Gospel and with the Lord by my side, I will overcome that too.

One day we will all stand before our maker. One day we will all be held accountable for our lives. And there is one thing I never want to hear...."why didn't you ever tell me?" I am telling you now. There is a God. He lives. He has a son, even Jesus Christ. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is the ONLY way we can fully overcome our weaknesses, be lightened of our burdens and overcome life's disappointments. He loves us enough that He lets us choose. He loves us enough to give us exactly what we want. Many people don't think God can love us and then let bad things happen to us. Living is what causes the bad. Not God. He gave us the most precious gift of all, other than his son and that is the gift of free agency. We don't HAVE to do anything. But there is consequences to everything....good and/or bad. There must be opposition in all things. Jesus Christ has a church on this earth and we are in the last dispensation of the fullness of times. Now is the time to prepare for the Savior's return. He is coming. The signs are all around us. I wish my family understood more about the Gospel and were more open to it, but I have faith that they will someday, whether it be in this life or the next. I know that God's kingdom is here on Earth. There is a prophet who leads and guides Christ's church under His very direction. That prophet today is Thomas S. Monson. Through the restoration of the Gospel to its full and complete state, we have the Preisthood authority restored to the earth as from the times when Christ was on the earth. The Bible and the Book of Mormon are the words of God, written through his prophets. I testify that I know these things are true. I have prayed and asked God myself. I have received powerful witnesses from the Holy Ghost of the truthfulness of these things. It is only through and by these things can miracles like my life, happen. I know some of you may not understand or agree with me, but I assure you, it is true. Me telling you will never be enough, but I promise you that if you seek out to know of these things, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you and you will know it for yourself. I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Shiblon

It's time for another update!!! Get excited about it people. (Or the random 3.642 people who actually read this when I have time to update it...)

First of all, for your viewing pleasure....although I'm sorry that they aren't very good pictures. I only have my camera phone at the moment because I left my camera back home in Indiana. My dad is shipping it out sometime soon. When that happens, watch out. :)



Isn't it lovely?! This is me and my "date" for ward date night. Seriously one of the funniest nights at a church activity ever!!! We had to pick a tie and the boy who's tie it belonged to was our date for the evening. We had all these challenges we had to do together. Dan is hilarious. He has a girlfriend, and I'm not really interested in dating him, but man, he sure is fun to be around. Let's put it this way, his tie was a purple, paisley CLIP ON tie. Of course, you know I picked the clip on tie. Although I did fear that perhaps my date was someone so short that regular ties weren't an option, but I lucked out. When he first came over and sat next to me, he put his arm around me and held my hand. It was tender. Not to mention, he duck taped our wrists together for half of the night. The picture is actually from a challenge where we had to wear a diaper on our heads as a blindfold and spoon feed one another a pudding cup. We rocked it out all night and ended up winning the WHOLE thing! Would you expect anything different? Dan actually was on the Price is Right not too long ago...so you can see just how much fun I had...check this out.



I forgot to mention earlier....he won! SWEEET.

So yeah...that was that.

So things are going along just like life should. I'm, of course, poor. When am I not? Actually though, I'm jobless at the moment and it's not cool....at all. So if you could think to pray about that one for me...I'd sure appreciate it!

Okay, on to a different (yet slightly related) topic.

One of the amazing (and I do mean ah-maz-ing) aspects of being at this university is how much you can grow spiritually. Every day you talk about the Gospel, or the Scriptures. You pray at the beginning of every class. You sing a hymn at the beginning of every class. You can really feel the spirit here. It is truly incredible. I have really found that factor to be a source of great strength for me here. One thing I've felt really strongly about lately though is the need to be prepared. It is the boy scout motto, after all. But unfortunately, I wasn't a boy scout. Something about having to be a boy that prevented me from joining......I don't know...stupid rule. Anywho, preparedness is really becoming a more consistent word in my vocabulary. I'm learning that one of my weaknesses is the fact that I rarely "prepare" for things in the manner I should. I'm a little too fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants with things sometimes. This has caused me a lot of added, unnecessary stress in my life. This can start with things like our finances and having food storage and trickle down into aspects like preparing for an audition or being prepared for class or work. So I am making a much more concentrated effort on being prepared. I keep reading more on the world financial crisis and not only is it depressing, what people fail to realize is that it is prophecy. The leaders of the Church has stated over and over again the importance of having food storage and savings. I'm no one to preach, but I am going working on a serious financial makeover in my life to ensure that I am implementing a stronger sense of preparedness in my life. The world's economy is getting weaker and weaker. This will continue to get worse for quite some time before it gets better...if it actually even gets better.

But more upbeat things to talk about (because I'll be honest, I normally avoid the news and newspapers because they depress me a bit)....

Allow me to share one of the funniest things I've ever heard. If this doesn't make you laugh out loud, you simply have no sense of humor whatsoever.



MWAH. Until next time!

Poetry Time

Sometimes I just have a rush of thoughts in my head. Most of the time they make no sense at all. And most of the time I'm not close to a computer or somewhere to write them down, but for those occasions when they still don't make sense, but I am in a place to write them down, things like these happen.

Enjoy.


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If writing was free from passion than it wouldn't be writing at all.
It's just words on a paper.
They don't have to make sense. Because I don't make sense.
Words, my words. They are all I have.
They hug me, touch me, save me, hate me.
They are the very things that I go to bed with every night and wake up with every morning.
Words. Inside, outside, underneath and above you.
These are the things that break lives apart and bring them together.
Get your words away from my head and out of my heart and instead keep them for a rainy day.
Celebrate your words with silence.
Celebrate silence with dancing.
Celebrate dancing with music.
And celebrate music by singing with the words.

--------------------------------------------

Hit the default button and press go as hard as you can.
My camera won't turn on and I can't see you.
You're there, but you're not and my fingers fly across the keyboard.
Just think. Let go. Be free.
Don't judge me, mock me, taste me or please me.
Just let me.
It's tender you in all of your glory.
It's amazing you in all your selfish words and ways.
It doesn't have to rhyme.
Allow your heart to be free and soar up top that mountain.
Shine like the stars and the moon.
No, shine like the sun.

-----------------------------------------------------

Love.
Love.
Love.
Can you stand it? Can you feel it.
Love.
Shouldn't you be in bed?
Love.
Can't you wake up without pain?
Love.
Stand up and be mine.
Love.
Shout it out and sacrifice for me. Give me all you have and beat next to mine.
I feel your heart, I feel your body. I feel your warmth.
I feel your love.
Love.


---------------------------------------------


Sweet baby whispers in a voice we all understand.
She saw His face and now she's in your hands.
You touch her, you smile at her. You are in love with her.
She became all you've ever seen in yourself.
Stop. Breathe. Take it all in.
Bright eyes. Small feet. Tiny toes.
Sweet baby. Be mine forever. Sweet baby Lily girl.

(This one is a poem for my best friend Kiera and her husband Hyrum. They just had their first little baby girl. I'm poor and suck at giving gifts even though I always want to...and her christmas present is still in my trunk. So this is my gift for the time being...)

------------------------------------------

Combine me with your hopes, your dreams
and love me for the end of time.
Tell me that the stars shine for me
and whisper sweet nothings you purchased from a storyline.
Take me down to the valley and up to the top of the mountains
with your kisses.
Make my heart ache and sing simultaneously.
Short breaths and hushed voices in the night signify our romance.
Risk it all, and tell me your deepest desires.
I have memorized the lines of your face. I have studied you from head to toe.
Let me practice on you until forever.
Be with me.
Stay with me.
Love me.

-----------------------------------------------

I have seen you before in my heart somewhere.
Do you stop and say hello or just walk on by?
I enter in grandeur to an empty room.
Stop me before I open my mouth again.
I say too much too fast. I laugh too hard and too loud.
I love too much too soon. I drown out the crowd.
I am imperfect and I expect nothing.
Yet you think I expect everything.
Don't push me aside for saying too much.
Don't walk away because I walk too close.
Dance with me.
Hold me.
Talk to me and console me.
Console me from missing you.
Help me walk slower.
Teach me to talk softer.
Fill up my room.

------------------------------------------------------
So I know I'm not some master poet...but I thought I'd share. :) Happy Valentine's Day!

As promised :)

Oh yes. We are going to discuss Women's Choir.

Disclaimer: My aversion to all women choirs is quite stern and passionate. I do not intend to offend.

On with the show.....


90 girls in a room. 90 girls, some of which are talented singers in their first or second year as voice majors, some of which are non-majors but can sing their parts and hold their own.

The first day we started to sing a hymn and I thought to myself "Wow....not too bad. Maybe I was being a little hasty on judging a college choir."

Then, the thing I dread the most, the very thing that I cannot stand about womens choirs....I started to hear it. It's like a burning in my ear. It makes my nose twitch and my eyebrows raise.

The pitch was flat.

By a half step.

Now, most of you wont know the difference. I assure you that most of the girls don't know the difference. Most importantly, most of you don't care. haha. But, I was blessed/cursed with something called relative pitch. Actually, if I was a piano player and knew the names of the notes, I would probably have perfect pitch. I can normally sing a song in the original key or within a half step of the key almost every time...even if it's been a year since I've heard the song. Being on pitch just sticks in my head.

Women, in general, have an airy quality to their singing voices. So some women, in a manner of overcompensation, try to push their voices to sound "more mature". What happens is they have no resonance and instead have a flat, pushed sound....causing them to go flat. Even many women who sing professionally struggle with finding the right amount of space to create a full, rich sound. So, put 90 women on a room who are all attempting to outsing one another and what do you have.....

a group of women singing flat.


And it drives me insane. Insane. Insane. Insane. Insane. Insane.

Okay....thank you for allowing me to get that off my chest.
I could go on, but again, most of you, in fact perhaps all of you, really don't care about women's choir. :)

I'm really trying to be better about blogging. I love blogging....but my world is ever so busy.

Thank you for your patience and I hope you haven't forgotten about me!

Slackerville USA

Okay in my defense, the only thing I've been slacking on is blogging. (Okay, I did start to slack for like one DAY with my homework, but I quickly kicked my butt into gear and am now back to being blissfully busy again).

I feel redundant talking about how happy I am. But I really am truly happy. Life is not perfect, and I miss my family and friends back in Indiana but I feel at peace here. I'm starting to get into the swing of things and really starting to get familiar with campus and such. I'm slowly but surely starting to feel like myself again too (you know, the girl who draws attention to herself by always having something to say and likes to crack silly jokes).

So for all you non-Rexburg folks, here's a few interesting tidbits for you about what I've learned so far about Rexburg, ID (okay, maybe all of Idaho...but I spend most of my time in Rexburg obviously):

1. Snow. Embrace it. More importantly, learn how to drive in it.
2. There are mountains here. Big ones.
3. One a clear night you can see a bagillion more stars than back home. I'm a big fan.
4. Your ears pop sometimes.
5. Dry skin.
6. A section at Walmart dedicated to LDS Material.
7. Deseret Industries (aka the DI -- aka wayyy better than Goodwill)
8. We still have a lot of the same restaurants. And Jack in the Box is gross.
9. Lack of Asian cuisine makes me sad (and the chinese food I've tried...not impressed)
10. LOTS of Mexican places. I'm okay with that.
11. Stairs. Everywhere. You have to walk up or down stairs all the time on this campus....I'm grateful/hateful for that.
12. Dry skin.
13. Boy to girl ratio SUCKS. (1/3....)
14. Two temples within 30 minutes. :)
15. And last but not least....there are Mormons EVERYWHERE :) :) :) :)

That's for all you non-mormons and mormons alike. It's so nice to have members of the Church everywhere you go. That doesn't mean that all of them are super mormons, but still, the Spirit is very present on campus. It's peaceful and great.

Soo.....that's the 'burg in a nutshell.

I feel like I've been here longer than 2.5 weeks. Then again, I can't believe I've already been here that long.

I will try to do a better job about blogging. I'm sorry that I've neglected you lately :(

Next topic: All Women Choirs and why I struggle with it.

Greetings from the west!

AHHHH!!!! Guess who lives in Idaho now? Yep. Me. Little ol' me.

There is SO much going on I can scarcely write it all down. The drive out was hilarious. I will post a better blog soon about it with pictures and such. And so far, it's been so great. Classes are great. My roommates are great and life is just great.

As I said, I will update soon with a better post. One thing with being so busy is the fact that I'm exhausted by like 10pm (which in my defense is 12am in Indiana...I'm still adjusting to mountain time).

Let me tell you though that if you've never seen mountains up close and personal -- especially Utah and Idaho mountains, then you must. They are the most beautiful, majestic things you will ever see. My appreciation for God as a master creator expanded about a bagillion times after driving through the canyon on our way in to Utah. And staying in a house that was at the top of a mountain was probably one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. I didn't want to leave (for more than just that fact...but for this post, we'll keep it at that.)

I think this will be a great semester. I am looking forward to what's to come. So far, so good. And I've only been tempted to skip class once :)